i laid on your pile, of pleated corduroy skirts, as our
faint and stifled lips,
fell into stubborn submissions, intentions unkempt, and raw
for minutes it was sleep, your kisses travelled with
R.E.M— it was dreamlike love, painless love
inspired by Charles Bukowski's 'Raw With Love'
It's such an odd feeling;
When you start talking to someone new
The way that you exchange war stories;
To see who's "ex" left the deepest bruise.
Just to remember,
The time that you did that with them too.
I'm not really sure what's up from down.
I have felt this way before.
Then the darkness hits.
That's when life is almost like a mirage.
Like, is any of this real?
I specifically told myself that this isn't the way to deal.
That's a feeling best described with the lights shut off.
I look at the bottle in my hands
Am I ready to regret?
The craving builds up in my chest
Not the taste, but to forget
I look over at the man I told myself I loved
How could I do this to him?
Everything that did go wrong
I'm replaying like a film in my head again
I light the tobacco as it hits me in my lungs
The burn is close to what I've been dreaming to feel
Something to help me realize
Something remotely close to real
He looks at me in disbelief
"You're drinking again?"
I look at the bottle that holds the contents of the future of my night
A liquid that can make this feeling end
I'm halfway through my eyes begin to blur
Everything is good, but the feeling of content is stirred
He's still looking at the mess I've made
Within myself, with no one else to blame
The bottle is gone and so am I
I don't feel content with who I am
All of the bitter truth I've yet to come to terms with
When he lies, one day I'll stand
Do not mind me
Im only trying to find the other side
the one who learned everything
two in the sane
one in their mind
one out again
Alone is not what we handle well
I can't find the hand I once held
but we do know how to pretend
fake a smile, fake a laugh
to get back on your feet again
you can find us in the street
with my nails in my head
and her face in her knees
trying to rip the skin we let grow
over the shell of the ones we used to know
The face in the mirror doesn't look the same
I can't figure out where I went wrong
I'm taking it in, taking the blame
Slowly letting go of the hand I knew all along
I'm drinking myself to sleep
I'm falling in love with people I meet
Just to destroy it all
this world poetry day
Maya, Charles, Sylvia, Allen
never even thought of it
it breeds more seed of
ego and monstrosity
deep inside those men
to lift their hands and
push us down the drain
to ensure that
we are stuck in between
honesty and reality,
When it comes to enough
I was never in the mix
Like a glass half full
I was the air hovering over it
I closed the mind who wanted to learn
More than my eyes could portray in the world
I shut my eyes and spent time in my head
built a life with a home
I liked better than my own skin
you're not enough
have you gone mad?
To believe the enemy in my bed could give me love
Building up the walls in my head just to feel safe in
These walls were my home
I found comfort being alone
Lying next to reality, I've tried to escape from
Your head aches as the warning strikes
A town that won't settle down
Clouded by the memories
Now I can't calm the storm back to reality
You ring, the noise I can't quiet
Thunderous nights bring lightening days
These memories play, I can't get a grip to save my life
Claimed I never needed saving
Not by you, or the ones above
Though I'd like to feel sheltered again
The rain screams at me, when I hear it hit the streets we used to walk
It tells me
"You can't run back even if you could silence the thunder"
These days I'd rather a drought than a flood to take me under.
So I stay blanketed by my mind, as I feel the roof cave inside
I will silence my screams, if could bring back the light that doesn't come from a memory
Love is a pain
that cant be felt today
We've forgotten the drive
The passion in our minds
Flooded by the pills and wine
To fill the emptiness in time
It just takes a sip, to admit what feels real
Enough to get us through the fright
Now the morning comes
The smoke fills my lungs
And the silence fills our heads
one more drink to feel alright
one more pill to sink into the night
I know I promised to stop
You promised too
let's share one more to get us through
We'll stop again another day
When dancing on the brink of too late
Empty hearts with heavy souls
losing grip of all control
we've lost our minds, love, can't you see?
Or are you blinded now, along with me?
The music plays, but we can't hear it
we just sing along to silence
I wonder what you're thinking
When you're staring through the glass
As the rain falls, and you reassure me that this flood, it won't last.
We numb ourselves, when we want to feel
but you've been burned before
My scars, they match yours
And we're too terrified to let the flame grow dim
Now you're a forest fire
I'm unable to put out
So we dance around the ashes
As the rain turns to drought