the lushness of the land
the ruggedness of the rocks
pictures can capture everyone's view of perfection.
but have you sat on a cheap beach chair,
with sand in your toes and curly hair,
across your sunburned face?
subtly smiling at the distant crash of waves,
or listening to the live music
that sounds like the band "summer salt?"

lava lava beach club
with cats wandering around the island
just as your heart wanders around the lovely memories
that you count one by one
to taste their delicious ideas
and finally, finally
feel.

my spine crawls at the realization that
"i am back for the million of hours lost
when i wouldn't accept that i wanted,
or at least discovered, death's reason."

my back breaks when i finally drop
the load of toxicity that i used to have,
the toxicity that i now visibly contract at.
but others are the ones who have grudges seeping into them.
at least, i think

i am back
but i will be gone
because commitment gives me mr.anxiety as a counselor

i wish i could be angry about
i wish i could be confused about
i wish i could be sad about
i wish i could desire for help about
i wish i could ask for help about
my numbness.
but i can't,
because
i am numb.

scrolling through the
mesmerizing feed
through his writing
his words are beautiful
true talent, of course,
but more
he's an amateur
that should be
a professional

he's kind
and funny
and when i praise his work,
he praises me,
not just because he wants to
give back
the words
i gifted him
but because
he thinks
i'm good enough

he's only through a screen
but the screen shows a lot
and i'm glowing
and i'm happy
and he's making me happy
i'm happy
for once.
it won't be
for once
anymore,
because stars don't just disappear
in a second.
he might stay.
i might stay.
we will be okay.

thank you
galaxy
for giving me
one of your stars

i am a grain of sand
of rice
of billions and billions of others
no one can see me in this tsunami

i want an adventure
something that will grant me
the freedom i need
just like a genie

i hope that you will love me
and care
but maybe you don't
because "i" is the nobody that is desperate
for love

there are three meanings for
"take me out"

- shoot me, drown me, hang me, etc.
- i want to go on a date, so please bring me with you
- i am trash to you

how do you do this?
multi-task like this?
because
you're doing all three things
at the
same
time
.

the keyboard
the pen
the pencil
the notebook
the computer
all the magic is here
all the magic runs through my mind
it travels down my veins
i can't stop thinking
it keeps going
i keep using my tools as wands
and.
i've fallen in love
with two concepts:

the story

and the writing.