Dull leaves, wilted flowers..
Dry grass, bent trees..
***** baskets, unkempt shrubs..
Caked shovels, arid soil..

She’s gone, she died.
There’s no one to care..
The flowers miss her,
The winds call to her..

The skies are sad,
The ocean weeps..
She’s gone they say,
She’s lost to the world.

I have betrayed your trust.
You know.
Yet you say nothing.
The silence in your eyes says it all.
They’re always so animate.
Not today.
They’re blank, shielded, silent.
Do you remember, I told you…
That I hate silence?
It leaves so much unspoken.
It leaves such heavy dents.
Even though…
It weighs nothing.
But its nothingness weighs a lot.
It cuts. It strikes. It burns.
It is cold. Icy.

Remember the years we spent so close?
That was comfortable.
Our silences were warm.
They spoke.
They left nothing unsaid.
They were light. And liquid.
I loved them. They were cosy.
They exuded sincerity.
Animate silences. Expressive silences.

But I've betrayed your trust.
And this silence hangs between us.
It is cold, and it slaps me in the face.
It seeps into my veins.
It reminds me of what I did.
It rebukes me.
It lets me punish myself.
It speaks. Of betrayal. Of lies, of secrecy.
Of things left unsaid.
Of broken promises.
Our shattered trust.
Of blackened tar and burnt coal.
Of stained hands and glassy eyes.
Of smeared dirt and crushed diamonds.
Of torn clothes and broken needles.

It speaks. It is silent.
It speaks. It is trust.
It speaks. It is betrayal.
It speaks. It is sin.
It speaks. It is black.

Your eyes are silent.

A solitary tear
trickled down
her waiting cheeks.

A solitary sigh
escaped from within
her restrained lungs.

She fantasized.

A solitary thought
circled tirelessly
her fading peace.

A solitary prayer
escaped from within
her restless heart.

She endured.

A solitary wish
disturbed greatly
her beauty sleep.

A solitary memory
escaped from within
her buried past.

She stayed awake.

~ Moniba.

They told me they were coming,
I got excited, became happy.

I turned on the stoves.
And put out the good plates.

Then waited and waited,
And waited and waited…

I turned off the stoves,
And set in the plates.

But hope lingered, and
I kept waiting…

They did show up,
But it was too late,
And I had slept.

So they went back,
To come back again…

After making me wait,
So much, so long…

A million twinkling stars
On a purple-grey sky.
A million strands of grass
On a wet brown land.
A million mites of dust
In the air I breathe.
A million specks of rust
On the bench in front.
A million rays of light
From the lamp-post proud.
A million dreams in sight
In the overwhelming crowd.
~Moniba.

The little girl clutched her balloon tightly
Careful not to let it go.
She loved it and wanted it to stay with her
Forever.
Alas, she clutched too tightly,
The balloon flew up to the ceiling of the room.
Horrified, she looked. Determined, she climbed
One height to another, to get her balloon.
Stretching her tiny hands out, she reached the string.
And just when she had it, she fell.
From height to floor she fell
Hurting her fragile frame.
The balloon in her hand, she braved the fall.
And just when she smiled
The sweet smile of success
Her balloon burst.
Her face fell.
The child grew up.

~Moniba.

Years come, years go
What matters is not the number,
Rather the loss of time.
The loss of opportunities,
The loss of moments...

Years come, years go
What matters is not what happened,
Rather what it hurt.
The loss of connections,
The loss of friends...

Years come, years go
What matters is not what broke,
Rather what was fixed.
The loss of wholeness,
The loss or trust...

She said she'd tell me someday
The secret of her life
Her imperfectly perfect life.

Then one day, I found her dying
She said, here you go
This is it, the secret of my life.

Whatever happens, we die
It's a secret so obvious
Yet one to which we're so oblivious.

It's a drop, of all the seas
And the vastness behind it
Is death, the ultimate truth.

Look at me
I am the misery of a hundred chained lions
The toil of a hundred caged doves
The lament of a hundred dying crickets
And all of those roars, those strangled songs, those insistent yet dying cricket notes
They live within, they live within.

Look at me
I am the ***** soul of a red forsaken woman
The diseased bruise on her red scraped wrists
The tangled lock of her red torn hair
And they lie on the cobbled ground of the fort where innocence breathed its last
They live within, they live within.

Look at me
I am the nagging probe checking your heart
The ticking thought-bomb threatening your brain
The nauseous green lurking in your inverted guts
And the nagging, the ticking, my nauseating smell that makes you hate me so
They live within, they live within.

Look at me
Look at me
Look at me

I am the refuse of your consciousness.

She stood in the rain
It poured down on her
She felt its weight
Letting go of her own
She closed her eyes
And looked inside
The rain outside
Had turned her tears
Into sheer relief
And gone were her fears
For now she felt
Heavy no more
Her mind was clear
Her body not sore
Her heart was calm
Her breath so sure
At last she felt
Free of the world
Free of its ties
Free of its wrath
And at last she felt
The void no more
She felt her soul
She felt no more...

A tiny presence in the womb,
he listened to her voice
and fell in love
at first hearing.

He heard her and felt her
and tried not to hurt her,
and waited patiently
for nine whole months.
...
His happy days
began and ended
the day he breathed his first,
and his mother breathed her last.
...
The story of his life continued,
first love never forgotten,
second love never known,
third love never owned.
...
Beliefs, hopes and expectations
confused him as everything did,
he yearned and yearned to make ends meet
but never quite succeeded.

His dreams floated
in the river of his Future
where it met his Present
and passed his Past,
like unrequited love.
...
The boy deprived of love,
finally found love
when he stopped looking for it
in humans.

His dreams then ascended
from the river to the sky
and met with reality
colliding with bliss on its way.
...
Thus went the story of his life.

~Moniba.

The world is full, the world is full, the world is full of What if’s.
What if we die? What if we cry? What if we live?
Will they be blithe? Will they be sad?
The world is full, the world is full, the world is full of what if’s!
What if we fail? What if we pass?
What if we don’t? What if we do?
The world is full, the world is full, the world is full of what if’s!
The truth be told, the world is full.
The world is full, of wishes and stitches,
Of expectations and explanations,
The world is full of What if’s!..

Blurring the world from my sight,
They find their way down…
Snatching away all the logic,
They fall onto the ground…
Heavy upon my heart,
They weigh nothing to those around…
Fueling my burning emotions,
They let all reason drown…
Depriving me of all my strength,
They continue to flow unbound…
Awakening the suppressed sobs,
They make my head pound…
Making the world seem distant,
They fall-my tears, without a sound…

A triangle
starts at a point
goes toward
two other points.
But who's to say
it doesn't begin
at two points
which meet
at one point?

She said she liked uniting black and white.
To wash the black with the purity of white,
And to swipe the white with black, and make it invincible.
Once and for all.
I told her she was prejudiced.
That white wasn't pure, and black wasn't evil.
That they were colours that,
When united, make grey.

~Moniba.

i never knew i was capable of darkness
not until it seeped out of me
in ways i could not put a stop to
and seeped out with uncontrollable pace
sometimes it was visible only to myself
other times it was blatant and red
i never knew it was there though
not until i was shown the charred pieces of my young past
until i saw i had a heart which didn't just beat but bled as well
until i realized that years get darker as sun gets familiar
i didn't know i was capable of darkness
i didn't know until i decided to know
or maybe it wasn't there before it was
maybe i invented it
maybe everyone invents their own brand
maybe mine was darkness
should i sell it? would you buy?

Poison ivy covers the fences holding hedges of rose. Thorny roses with poisoned tips caress the lover's cheek. Blood mixes with the ivy, a bond to last. The rose's scent still makes the lover heedy and the thorns don't matter. The poison ivy does nothing to infuriate the lover. And love only blossoms, as the ivy climbs and the the roses sway.

but did you listen?
no
you had no reason to listen
you were at the top of the world
soaring high
you always did remind me of icarus
but did your wings melt?
no, no
they reveled in the sun
glowed brighter, flew stronger
blazing hot
but did you have enough?
no, never
you had no concept of enough
you were going to have it all
and all was not defined
living high
but did you bother defining?
oh no
disorganized lines were your thing
you just kept everything jumbled, lines overlapping
so you never had to deal with yourself
dying slow
sigh
you never figured it out either, did you?
no, no, neither did i.
dear icarus. i love your wings. never melted. just froze hot.

That black hole
The one that ***** everything in
But still remains empty
Unsatiated.
The one which remains hollow,
Doesn't break, doesn't crack.
It takes everything in,
And waits.
For the perfect time.

Yes, that's the one I harbour.

~Moniba.

there are black moons under your eyes
black streaks on your cheeks
black teeth marks on your lips
black wring marks on your neck
black scabs on your shoulders
black blood dried on your stomach
black dirt in your fingernails
black veins on your feet
you have a black soul
there's so much blackness
that i see nothing but light in you
nothing but light
you are an angel

At night they make their way
Into the recesses of my mind
Chiding me, shaming me, rewarding me.

These thoughts, they do not rest
Finding ways of crawling back
Taunting me, reminding me, hurting me.

They form a never-ending chain
Unbroken by new beginnings
Haunting me, and bringing me
Back to Reality!…

What do you do
When your heart yearns for one thing
And your brain wants another?
You listen a little bit to both.
But what do you do
When it is your heart that is in dispute
A half wants one thing
And the other wants another
Is it better to do then neither
Or is it better to mute them both
And listen to the conscience?

What do you do
When your conscience goes to war
With your heart and your mind?
You listen to the majority.
But what do you do
When you know the minority to be true
Because in fact, the heart is forever
In love with the conscience.
It is the mind, the mind it is
That tricks the heart
Into believing that
It is in quarrel with the conscience.

So what do you do, really?
You be a good human
And listen to the conscience.

~Moniba.

I made you strong, you made me weak.
Isn't it love, that we seek?..

We did what we had to, not what we wanted.
And now the memories, they keep us haunted.

Shackled with the thoughts, I can not be merry.
It's hard to laugh and play, i'm always dreary...

We both smile a lot now, we've had to learn to fake it.
So now the plan we have, is to fake it till we make it.

Trying to write
                        without words.
Trying to speak
                        without voice.
Trying to draw
                        without lines.
Trying to listen
                        without sound.
Trying to see
                        without light.
Trying to feel
                        without emotion.
Trying to be
                        without being.

*Can you do the essential without the essential?

As the night falls dark, my heart beats hard,
for without you, love,
the demons are free to feast upon me

Come you and your sword,
come you and your strength,
come you and shield me,
from demons around and demons about,
from demons that feast upon me

As the sun sank deep,
and the stars shone bright,
the moon became sinister
and the demons were let out the night before

Came you with your vorpal sword,
loved me and kept all harm away,
the sun came back, the stars smiled,
the moon grew gentle,
and the demons turned angels

But tonight, my love, the demons are free to feast upon me.
Come you and take me away, I cry...
Come you, and bring the sun again.
Come you, and shoo the demons away.
Come you and kiss these tears dry.
Come you, oh. Come you, again.

She moulded them
And shaped them
And coloured them
And placed them
Whichever way she wanted.
Words listened to her
And obliged.

She wished it could be the same with the humans in her life. But there was a reason she got on better with words.

~Moniba.

Hey little girl…
Listen to me,
A mere belief, is all you need.

Hey little girl…
Do not despair,
For Allah is watching, and He is fair.

Hey little girl…
Be brave in this world,
For this is brief, and unreal.

Hey little girl…
Listen to me,
A mere belief, is all you need.

Let yourself believe,
And put forth your trust,
Give it what you can…
And then you’ll move mountains.