You need to reach out
- that's what I was told

I confided in a number of people

Sat across a lot of wise spectacles
Sympathetic coffees
Blank invites
Dispassionate loves

You need medication
- that's what I was told

I popped a number of pills

Over months,
White, long
Yellow, small
A number of nights
Crazy eyes,
Erratic behaviour
Strange moodswings

You need a change of scenery
- That's what I was told

Miles and miles of sand
A sea extending into the sky
My heart became the feather
That landed on waves
And sank
Far below
The understanding of humanity

Went to the hills
Stream flowing by
Which iced over at night
Bare apple orchards
Green and stone
Woke up at 4 AM
From where I stood,
I couldn't see the sunrise

My spirits
Shattered and fell
Along with some rocks
Off the cliff's sheer face
As I ended up
On my hands and knees


You need to meditate
- that's what I was told

Pure silence at 4 AM

That's what I woke up to
And I sat for an hour everyday
Trying to focus on
The "om" I was told about
With the last echo
I was left bereft of purpose
Vision and energy
I couldn't move on
With the day

Don't you ever wonder where we went so wrong,
How we went so wrong,
When we went so wrong
To go as far as to condemn someone
For doing what we would have done in a heartbeat
A millennium ago?
Don't you take some time off to wonder
When the lines between justice and hypocrisy
Became so blurred? When justice became just
Another tool to be used to shut the masses up.
When justice was used as an excuse to draw
Wool over our eyes.
My words of course, don't rhyme
They just convey what we wish we
Could say to the faces of those
Who do these wrongs.
But every single, little time,
We draw back. Due to fear of
God-knows-what. Maybe sticks,
Maybe stones, maybe feuds,
Maybe because the one in the
Mirror would call us fools for
Even trying, maybe because
One day we will be the same.

That girl wouldn't dare see
Wouldn't dare know
The fate of another girl
Half-way across the world
Who tried to see

Despite all her misgivings
She did
She tried, she leant over
Bent backwards
And did her best
Stayed up all night
Unraveling those tangled threads

But she fell
She fell
She fell
She fell
You won't ever know how hard

She pretends to not see
Sometimes
But they come back
And they wave in crimson-tainted,
Guts splattered, dreams
They kick her
They wish she wasn't there

And sometimes.
Sometimes, she imagines giving up
Imagines living a life
Where she could hide

Hide
Behind her laptop screen her whole life
A life where she could sleep
Sleep at a time when everyone went to bed
Or if just a bit before,
Then nothing better

She wished she could hide.

Those falls left her lonely
Gut-clenchingly lonely
That girl is me.

End of the street
Face hidden in shadows
Body cloaked by darkness
A stick
Thick stick in hand
And his eyes shown
Shining white
Crystal white
Across the road
Piercing into my vision

I halted hands shaking
Holding up my phone
Like it could ward off anything

This apparition stared into my eyes
I could not hear anything
And he did not make a single move

I thought
- ****, I should've listened
And **** is this really happening?

A part of me giving in

This is inevitable
- I thought

It had happened to so many
I knew and
I knew
How easily it could happen
And I walked

And as I walked past him
I held up my phone to my face
At the ready to start running and
Fight

Adrenaline at peek

He mouthed words at me
I could not hear them

I passed him by and he did not
Make a move towards me

I looked back to make sure
He did not move and then
Saw another sharp crystal
Pair of eyes looking
This time
Somewhere besides myself

And I saw man and beast
A cat crouched
A man ready with stick
Staring into each other's eyes

Pondering the unknown
I walked faster as I saw
The man move a bit

They continued to be locked on each other

Apparitions of the night
The strange, the mythical
Who am I to say what happened
Maybe it never happened

But my hands shook and were cold
And now I think but I know
I will travel the same road tomorrow and the day after

It is the way I take home
and No Man
Will stand in my way

I fight
And will fight

It is my right to walk
There, if I wish
And I will walk there

Not a brave martyr
Just a tired soul
Taking the faster way home

They burnt the entire house down
But the screams still ring out
The atrocities committed, permitted to happen
Can never be taken back, by a simple apology
And a promise to never let it happen again
The deaths, the humiliation they suffered
Are imprinted in their heads

By the time they find out
It would have been too late
A man with a boy's heart
has been set free
And he shan't stop till
He's taken everything
This world has to offer

(- secretly, he wishes that
he'd burn and the world,
the world would burn alongside him
his brain fragments
united for once, only once, in misery)

He chances upon others, his victims
They prostate in-front of him
They mirror the screams inside his head
For a short while, his retribution is fulfilled
But the screams soften to gasps,
Cries of mercy
Till they harshly grind to a halt
As he is painted crimson,
The screaming starts again
- It never stops. It just fades
into the background for a little while

For a second, he knows
Something is wrong
Something doesn't feel right
Right before he finds
Another prey.

Yes,
Yes it sounds a hell load more sexier
To say I nearly jumped off a terrace
Or
I used to slit my wrists

Than tell you that
yesterday
The lights
Went green
And I
I don't know what come over me
But I walked to the middle of
One of the busiest crossings
And attempted
To peer into my future
In the headlights
Of a bus

I find it easier
To tell people
That I am a head-case
And they should stay away
Rather than tell them
That I sat up the whole night
Crying
On my birthday
Because I felt like a Giant Mistake

I find it easier
To tell people these lies
I still call myself honest
Wonder if that makes me a liar

I find it easier to describe
The pretty way the lights danced inside her eyes
When I brought her something entirely unexpected
But I won't talk about the dark, gaping hole
In my heart,
When I realised that I wasn't worth a **** to her

I don't talk about things that affect me
If my face goes pallid
And someone asks me why
I'll tell them it's cause I didn't sleep
What I won't tell them
Is that half the night was spent
Wondering how I came to be
And the other, thinking about how repulsed I am by myself

I won't talk about the way
I flinch
Whenever someone touches me
I won't mention the fact that I was molested
By my best friend
But I'll sound close to tears as I describe
My sorry friend's case who didn't know what to do about it

There are some things
Which aren't any of your ******* business
But it's **** difficult
To keep everything to yourself
When you've got anonymity protecting you
And no shoulder
To cry upon

As it approaches 10 PM
I put the world on hold
I log out of everything
Switch on a song where
They warble and talk about
Love and it's frailty
I reach over to my mobile
Select 'Switch Off' from
The various options
Lights seem too harsh now
Something in my heart squeezes
My stomach tingles
Briefly I wonder why I feel this pain
Today was a perfectly alright day

As I open a window and start typing
Trying to vent this clenching
This horrific, cancerous pain
Hoping that it'll be enough for me to
Hold on for another night
Enough to keep the nightmares away
Just for one more night
Now my very body protests
Against the thought of school tomorrow
It'd like one day, a whole day
Spent sleeping on it's back, looking up
Up and away, where the clouds are,
The setting sun and the stars now
The moon shining bright
Nothing but a cool breeze and a hammock
That nestles me for one whole day
No calls, no noise
Simply, the sound of silence
Whispering in my ears

the stars were falling down last night,
love,
in my mind and over my head,
in the privacy of my bed with the yellow fairy lights
glimmering and i imagined them blinking at me but i set
the light source to one of stable continuity.

the stars were falling though,
in my hair and inside my head
- freezing them with their cold blue light,
easing the migraine,
the pounding inside my head.

i dreamed their scaled sizes smaller than
pinpricks of light in the distance,
and i dreamed you up last night
at your cruelest where you,
you stopped and cared for me.

it was the cruelest i had ever seen you
as i knew that once i woke up,
i would be left bereft of warmth in my life,
always striving, never achieving.

i scolded myself for my actions and expectations
but i knew that it was futile as my mind
kept moving ahead to other times,
other things i must do, and i realize
it is futile to wish for time to stop.

I sit still
As I listen to a few songs
Mayer, Mraz and so on
I listen to their wise
Their empathic words
I wish I could talk
To someone, anyone
That I could trust
I wonder why I can't
As someone proclaims
They'll fight for me
Get to the root of it for me
I am nearly brought to tears
How long has it been
Since someone did that
Not simply ran away
Because they saw
That I was in a difficult
A terrible situation
How long have I begged for
Someone to do for me
That I did for them
How long?
As I sit quietly and ponder
I start talking
To the only one I trust
- My laptop
My words are hitching
In between
With silent sobs
My eyes have lost their
Ability to cry
Have grown cold
No longer have the
Strength to cry
I want to break down
But only in the arms
Of someone who cares
I look around
There's no one
Of course
What else did I expect
What else could I expect
What else dare I expect
I crouch down
Cover my face
As I start laughing
I am so torn apart
That I can't even see
The point of it all
What I would do
To simply last till
Tomorrow morning
Not just give in
Tonight, tonight.

Things they do not tell you about goodbyes:

No one tells you
When you walk out of your house

Your home,
For all purposes

That sometimes
You don't miss it

You do not turn around on your ankle

Look at those heights

And want to return


No one tells you
That even when you travel to the absolute extent
Of this earth

You will find that people will still be the same
You will still be the same


No one tells you
That sometimes
You do not miss
What you left behind


They will not tell you
That you will find comfort in
Dark, frightening places with unfamiliar faces
In shadows

They do not tell you
That
You
Will still be
alone





This feels exactly like home
I am not sure what I am meant to miss
Except the solitude and the stars every other night




The rain kisses the earth in different ways here

It does not send petrichor soaring
Throughout the atmosphere

And it does not torrentially lash at the earth

It is soft and slow
Like the softest cotton wool of the blankets
You cuddled in when you were a child


The rain kisses the earth differently
My ears perked up, I realize





The rain kissed the earth of my hometown differently
With thunder raging in the skies

Today -
It is a Winter's day
But
The sun is burning so brightly
It sears my eyes
The temperature is perfect
The weather
Is reminiscent of Spring

Today -  
I buried someone
All clothed in black
And weariness

Today
*I buried myself

i was thinking of you and me
in our pieces and places
thinking about our own selves

not thinking about each other
until time space place things
put us where we breathed air
in same situations here-there

what a strange conspiracy
would place us here to down
grade the importance of selves
ours mine yours each others

we did not prioritize so
this world put us at number
one for each others for some
time leaving us without options

we made do with companionship
some brief moments of time
where we prioritized each other
then time space place things

moved without us a tidal wave
of shifting things so we shifted
too and moved to others priorities
but you were fortunate enough

to take a plus one for these
black-tie events while i carry
the heavy space around me as if
it is an option a conscious choice

no one rsvp-ed as my plus one
thus no witnesses to call me out
when i don a new face to greet
the faces i meet prepared to leave

every second every day- i barely
remember those i met a minute
a blink a movement ago but
music forges ahead life brims

knowledge is added and crushed
into dust by the relevance of time
disallowing for anyone to put any
hold onto it with intellect or paper

my song remains empty silent fake
lights fake smiles fake laughs fake
fake tears fake companionship so
helplessly temporary i feel the

drowning air of words unsaid anxieties
untested in my bones at my lips as i
slowly nervously keep moving always
being rushed in as a late attendance

by an impatient usher too busy with
bigger details to explain the rules
of a party where i always arrive late
with none to take my coat at the door

i remain hopelessly dressed in red
dungarees worn since i was three
my version of a skintight red dress

painfully obviously underdressed

The seven sins
Are my edicts
I will not stop

i feel scared, love
my heart hurts
love
i want to clamber into your lap,
love
the way i never did when i was two
i want to sit in your pool of warmth
and be drowned by the rough timbre of your voice
as i count down my fears and cry
because love
i am so terrified

but this world does not look familiar
and i
i'm losing sight
drowning
d r o w n i n g
in this ocean of work
a cross between my shoulder blades

a memory at my lips
scars along my wrists
i am so scared my love

and i find myself mumbling numbers
i should not
talking about deals
talking
c r a z y,
love

i am scared
and i cannot clamber into your lap
because i am no longer two
and i do not have love, love

Nowadays I find it so difficult to think
- it's like there is cotton
inside my head
asking
for something
more
than
I'm willing to give.

I lose sight of what's
important and
I don't feel very
real.

There is no
anchor
in my life as I continue
to question the
value that it might have.

The darkness
of the nights are
what
I remember
from the nights I can
never
fall
asleep
- it is in this darkness that I have grown.

And
the
white
light
with
its
white  
noise
seems like a haze,

an illusion dropped over my eyes
which I cannot help but live out.


As I lose                                                             ­                          (my sanity)
touch
with
everything
around,

this keeps resounding within me
and
my words
continuously
fail
to reach
the recipient.

Ink crawling paper
Teacher rambles, different
The student writes

Hoist your skirts

Tears sparkling like champagne
were always overrated

getting in the way


Ours are the streets

The night

the skies


Let's go out safe
in our dreams,
our memories


Yet everyone marches on

The deluge of music washes around us


As it bears us farther away

Your hands slip through mine
Yet our incisors show

Sharp
Wanting

The bruises don't fade

But a neighbour group
Makes us brush past each other

They said we'd be ashamed

They said they'd rather die

They said there was no time





Our dance lasts our breaths
As the moon hides

Another game tonight

the shoes are imprinted with the paved streets
there is never enough time


our eyes sparkle
but the eyebags belied the many nights
whiled away

smiling at the stars
new maps every night

gazes change as the skies change
we traverse different longitudes

trees spill into trees
there never was a need to distinguish

our passports fading crumbling
paths always leading to each other

will we still be left with an identity?

Maybe they always did, love,
But it always escaped our eyes
As we stared at the skeletal
growth of this pain


Maybe the ground always did run into the skies
But we were too busy thirsting the night

To remember
recall

and forget

How were we to notice
When we were so caught up
Choking in the thunderstorm
of our failure?

Baby,
Can't you hear the bells?

They've come for us

Love,
Close the shutters
We only have a few more hours

As the regrets and phantoms
Rain down over our heads

The thunder fades from our veins

Sweetheart*,
Only a couple more hours

Let the lights dim

The ***** will flow around our ankles
And we'll be there

Hush, my dear,
One day,
We will be there

you said you wanted to see
but I felt it could never be


you circle scars
i circle


we've gone ways, love

i said




when they marched in

they saw
they condemned


could barely move a muscle


but the walls didn't hold
and the passersby

have just had it with us


and our airy tones
  weighed down


we couldn't help ourselves
love, let alone each other


we saw the skies bleeding red





*or was it just us?

I let my hair go
Stride into your space
And out
Weaving through

Always a dance
Always running
To-away from you

Intentional
Even as your teeth

Break open my lips

And the skies
Could bleed red

But as my teeth
Give back as good
As they get


We don't need to look up,
love

There's red on you

I stare at your lips
Never into your eyes

I saw them calling for us
As they broke down the walls

But I didn't have much to give
So I laughed
Opening my wrists and giving them my all

They danced...
How they twirled and sang

My demons
as they finally thought the din
was too clamorous

The ***** has dried on my feet and I

I just need it off of me
As my nails seek to give my blood
An out

But my friends, those **** fools,
They danced

And I kept laughing
And crying
It was like a dam had burst

And I cried

As they laughed
But the blood came out with them

I just want some rest now

Need some sleep
Need to close my eyes

*Love,
I had fun

the lines on our hands
mingle with the
roughness of the fibre

of our skins

talking of touches
long spent

-

there are grooves decorating
our feet

our soles are flattened

only reminders of the places we've been

-

crinkles beside our mouth and eyes

they speak
of smiles
to faces
whisper of tears
in air

-

sometimes
we forget
we drift


*and just like the last time,

we're drawn into the story that never finished
- a story never told

i thought of the waves in the shore
dreamt of nights passed
wished the water was as clear as they
showed in those tv shows
one by one faces came to mind
interactions analyzed one by one

i broke it all down without meaning to
i did not care but my mind worked
without letting me breathe in
it showed me critical commentary
on the last time i stepped outside
and i felt the gnash of self
realization mixed in with profound
absurdity

my hand moving ridiculous
mouth moving ridiculous
words i was saying ridiculous
work i was doing ridiculous

i could not stop it
so i stared at my toes
trying to drown my thoughts out
with the waves that
crashed with a loudness
inconvenient plastic sticking on my feet
i find i need to move

my throat is stuck on something these days
my ears do not listen to songs these days
my eyes refuse to focus in on things these days
fingers clench up, my knees freeze, the voice in my head is quite, this stomach is left without desire, mouth lags gaping around food, sleep an unwelcome stranger, work is welcomed- more more more, the world seems colorless, as if a grey filter hides everything
....
why are the faces all the same? can i throw up? i just want to get all this out my gut

i dry-heave sitting in chairs, looking at people i cannot tell the difference between

is there something i can take to make this better?

when did writing start hurting so much
being honest with myself so hard?

my words bled into sunsets, moonsets, dawns, dusks and the like
all my times were marked in some thing written for me to look back on

but when did it become so physically difficult, so heavy
to be honest with myself?

maybe it was when i realized that the mundanity of life is the
gravebed of my soul, having money to myself was not that great?

maybe when i realized that art for art's sake just reeks of desperation

and those younger than me became renowned and my age started to join
the generation meant for engagements, marriages, less social possibilities

and i then realized that i was lying to myself out of sheer desperation
but that i was desperately alone, desperately fighting scared,

flying was no longer a dream come true, and the worldspan measured
across the palm of my hand had already happened and i was an emu

left for extinction, my soul just a joke, an ironical metaphor
for the jaded cynicism that i had condemned and i read more and saw more

realizing i am frog at the bottom of a well and my victim mentality
was maybe a figment of imagination, and the hellscape of my perspective

being skewed drove around, round, round in my mind, such a frightening
possibility that what if?? what if?? i was just insane?? i was crazy??

was anything that happened to me that bad?? is there something wrong with me??

i was almost convinced and then i felt my heart truly shatter
i realized i did not actually matter

We write*

Not for your pleasure,
Your entertainment
Or anyone's attention
We're here writing
Trying to reach something
Left unsaid
Inside of us
Something we find
For a moment
When we feel satisfied
With something
Some
Words that we have
Thrown together
In random order
Some abstraction
We disguise it
Decorate it  
But it's all there
Right in-between the lines

Why do we write?*
Hell, I don't think we know either

Aah, I love the cold
Almost harsh, or really harsh
Winter months
I love walking then
Walking alone
For miles and miles
Minutes and hours
I could keep walking
If there weren't parents
To reassure, a family,
A warm home to go back to
A dragging commitment
That is binding in every
Single link I've ever made

I could keep walking otherwise
Just a light jacket, hardly appropriate
For the weather, the temperature
Numbed by the chill
The soles of my feet sting
My feet wrinkled, grated against
My sandals, hardly sufficient
Completely dry skin, also cold
Almost too numb, maybe too corpse-like
No socks, no scarves, no gloves
No caps, no protection
Because protection is only needed
When there is an enemy

I could stay like this forever
A thought strikes me while I walk
That maybe this hopeless love
Exists solely because I am the closest
The closest I can be to being me
As I walk, and hide, and revel
Maybe even reveal Me

I silently lose myself in contemplation
Because the days are shorter
There is more space, more time to hide myself
Under warm blankets, comfortable clothes,
A cup of hot chocolate, in the cold starry nights
The sting on my cheek
That I lightly touch, can be disguised
Explained away as the caress of the cold wind

This loneliness that grows inside me
It is already so tired
Of seeing people walk away
That it is too tired, too weary
To talk to anyone, so it hides
Underneath the surface,
Appearing so much more closer
Than it ever has in these few months

I am raw, almost bleeding,
Waiting for the stars to come out
Just so they can shine on me
Over my head, down on me
With me, maybe even communicate with me
I'll pick up my drink
Acknowledge their presence
And drink to them and their beauty
Their unimaginable beauty that Always,
Without Fail, takes my breath away
My self rubs against my facade
So raw but it doesn't even matter
It is the closest to the surface
As I raise my drink and almost imagine
Myself in this lonely cold urbanscape
With all the scars, every **** thing
Not a thing out of place,
I almost imagine myself beautiful*
Revitalised but then this self withdraws
Back insideinsideinside
My facade still rubbed raw

Ah, but what a beautiful time
The cold times on the terrace
The chilling walks down nostalgia lane
No more brown leaves
Just a mere peak here and there
Like a little troublemaker
Waiting for me to go away again

*Winter is... truly one of my favourite seasons

I sometimes wish
This is all we'd be
Here is infinity
Nothing above our heads,
Nothing below
Too many moments gone by
Time to return to reality
Feel the solid ground below
*****, I hit it too hard

I have heard that words strain
But I have never felt it as acutely
Hypothesizing as lustreless
Than when I spoke
Trying to paint you images
Speculation in rhyme
Present a piece of my soul
Save some secrets
Sealed behind some lines
But speech failed me
And words
Strained and shattered
But even so
A strand of a connection shines
**Can you see it?

i remember his collarbones
and the heat of his body

the way it felt so solid under mine
i wonder if anything would've changed

if i had reached for his hair
if i had touched him

and the way he was

would it have changed
would i have changed

running desperately
my feet are tired
arms are sore
there's a crick in my neck
a pain in my back

i feel my age
i feel aged

would anything have changed
if i had reached out
and felt his heart
with the palms of my hands

I know you imagine me to be strong
Build me up in this image
Of a person with attitude, guts
Too much anger, too headstrong
Too much of a stereotype,
Too much of a misfit

But I don't ask that you think differently
You see I am sort of used to people walking away
And I had rather you see me as infallible
Than as something to be pitied, as someone vulnerable
To their cheap attacks, to your barbed remarks
I wish that you would- could - understand
That I am something terribly moody
But I can be good. Yes, I am good

I can be better if you'd listen to me
Let me in but don't demand too much from me
I will try to leave everything undisturbed
Heal a scar or two then walk out from your heart
Without having occupied any position of interest
Or importance

I wouldn't mind. I have been relegated to the background
once again
But I am infallible

My scars aren't meant to be pitied
Or sympathized with
I hate that you think you can understand
When you don't
I don't care about what you've been through
Until you've been with me for years
You've seen all that I have to offer
Because believe me
I'd never trust anyone with everything
If they haven't even been around that long

Some might think this is all there is to it
But I can tell you that there are a million things
Left to learn about me
So wait. Calm yourself. Let us be but don't just let me be
Don't rush for me, don't slow down for me
Just let me walk at my own pace but if you see me falter,
Then check if I'm fine. Make it known that you care
Believe me it helps when I'm with a blade.
You don't know how the simple gestures affect me

How they shake the ground beneath my feet
How they make me smile
How my world changes

So please. Just care for me. But don't ask- demand- too much of Me
Don't put me up on some pedestal, don't think of me as fragile
My scars, the ones I will slowly begin to show to you,
Aren't indicators of that.
I am proud of them- intensely proud
I've fought and I've died a million times on the inside
I've cried and I hated myself the most through these years

(I used to tell myself those barbed remarks
Every single criticism, I would sit up and repeat it to myself
So that I never got ahead of myself
Everything they said, how much they didn't like me,
Didn't care for me.
I sat up and repeated all of that to myself
Every. God. ****. Night.
Hoping someone would call just so I'd have an excuse to quit
But no one ever did -was ever up, ever available- at such times
So I'd just continue)

Despite everything, inspite of everything
I stopped. I had the strength- with or without
Anyone- anyone- being there
Respect- love- me a little bit for it
Hate that I do this to myself
Tearing into myself,
Tearing myself down into such tiny pieces
Making myself into this small entity
Hate it. Detest it. Loathe it.

Tell me that.

But never stop telling me
Don't do that blindly though
Please listen to me as well
Don't blind yourself to how
I am marginally better everyday
Even if there are so manymany setbacks
Be honest with me
I wouldn't care if you talked badly of me then
Because I'd know that you truly loved me then
(yes. yes, i would)

So please. Just give yourself
Just give me  
A chance to be who I am around you
Don't expect it to happen too fast
I swear I'll be there by your side
If you called for me
I'd always look out for you
I would stick up for you
When your lover wouldn't do that either
Don't be afraid of how different
And moody I am
I'll always be there for you
Just call me
And give us time-time-time

Lock yourself away
For another day
When you're all alone
In a crowd of strangers

Just you*
In a city unknown
With strange faces,
Strange expressions,
Strange thoughts

Save yourself for another day
When you can just let it be
No fear of being recognised
Rules over you
And your life

So you can stay
Silent, standing
Or even sitting
On *****, dismal streets

People will have the same reaction
As the place you were in before
But they won't know you

So keep yourself away
For a day
When you can be

choose your drug
your brand
drift into *** with meaningless women
the bite of liquor
the tang of ecstasy

choose it now
you'll need a crutch

generation gone
face half-remembered
select it now

the deepest of wounds need to be covered
tonight

let your drug consume you
take you away

for one moment,
*forget

I wonder if these words will reach you
Penning them down furiously
Wondering, thinking
What's your reaction?
Are you happy, exalted that I deem you
This important
Or does it even matter anymore
Brush me off, treat it with disdain
Shrug it off your shoulders
Like the burden of these words
Don't lie with you anymore

Hey,
What're you thinking?
Will these words even get to you
I don't know whether I should
Show it to you
I feel embarassed at the thought
Of this ever reaching you
And you knowing that it was about you
Would **** you
I know where you're at
Just not with me
I feel pathetic

Yes, this isn't going to reach you
I am not going to put it in a place
Where you'll know this is me
And the 'you' here is YOU

My heart fragments a bit
I feel more downcast now
I've stopped writing so furiously
Lean back a bit
Examine these words
The black, the blue

What's the point
If I don't show this to you
How will I know
Your reaction?