i want to help
i know you say you're happy
i know you're not
i know you're lonely and scared
i see what others don't

let me in
i understand you
tell me you're not okay
ill be there for you
i wont leave
i love you

just give me a chance
trust me
i'm worth it

Quit while you’re ahead
That’s what my dad always said
And it’s great advice
But suffice
It to say
That’s just not the way
I operate
Because my heart won’t cooperate
With my mind
I find
That my heart wants to talk and to love and express
My feelings and quite frankly I detest
The way I make myself feel
Like I’m on the other end of a raw deal
With my emotions spinning like a wheel
Round and around and around and around
My heart twisted and stretched and wound
Up tightly
Nauseous and nervous and anxious nightly
And daily but rightly
So
Because I have nothing to show
For it
Just a few hundred terrible poems writ
And a growling angsty feeling in the pit
Of my stomach
And the desire to wear a fake smile
At least for a little while
Until the ******* begins to pile
Up again
Until it gets to the point when
I want to give in
When I want to stop caring and let the anxiety win
Anxiety
The thing killing our society
Slowly and surely from the inside
Pushing you down and causing your confidence to subside
Ripping a hole in you so wide
That you’re drained and deflated and fried
And feeling like an important part of you died
But anxiety is never satisfied
It will ruin your life with you powerless and along for the ride
But worst of all: it robs you of your pride
Pride
That thing that I’ve always denied
That I’ve had
The thing that I’ve been told my whole life is very bad
Because they say pride is a sin
But no pride at all is skirting that thin
Line between sin and what is fine
What is acceptable
So
Just because I want to know
How close can you come without being susceptible
To the pride before a fall
Because that hubris is perceptible to all
So it’s your call
Whether you want to stand tall
Pridefully sin and eventually fall
If you have the audacity, the *****, or the gall
Or if you want to let go and step back
And give in
And throw pride to the wind
But be careful
And if you’re religious be prayerful
And even if you’re not
You might want to give it a shot
Because you can be proud
Though the criticism will be loud
You can lack pride
And never have anyone on your side
Or
Furthermore
There’s one more
Choice
Stop listening to your inner voice
Stop listening to anyone who wants to keep you down
Stop listening to anyone who wants to see you breakdown
Start realizing you’re worth a robe, a scepter, and a crown
Start believing that you’re sourdough even if you’re wonder bread
Remember all the good things that all the good ones said
And when you finally get there and you’re positive in the head
Take a page from my dad’s playbook and quit while you’re ahead

it's an invisible weight
pressing down on all of us
we pretend not to notice
and continue our daily routines
but inside
none of us are really ok
the only difference between the sane and insane
is that one is better at hiding it

You're Not My Diary to tell you everything.
Being with other friends can't **** you within.
Why would I explain to you?
There's nothing wrong for what we did.

We have rights to do something we want to.
Do you want us to be dogs to just follow around you?
If we didn't say something to you, it's not crime.
If we tell the reason, your face will be broken like you ate a lime.

It was less than half an honest moment, but
I could still feel our minds entwine like roots
Forming, out of sight, out of our thoughts
Beyond our narrow scope, and I could feel the
Tendrils weaving around the core of me
I could feel _ spiraling down from above
Through feet of clay and mud so apologetically removed
By layer

Numbered, if formed at all, I
Arranged them all so carefully, but...

And then it was over
Roots having bred through it all, and survived long after
To this day

i do have a life of my own.
not everything i do revolves around you.
lately i've minimised my contact and relations i have with you.
and you're my best friend.
something has changed in you and i don't seem to connect anymore.
i think i realised this change of personality on New Years Day.
when the question was asked; 'what is your ultimate goal for this year ahead of us?'
'to **** as many guys as i can possible'
i mean that's cool and all.
and like i suppose i support you in anything you do..
but its different.
'to be content with myself and figure out my future'
that was my answer..
it seems like our answers could never actually come from best friends.
or at least that's my opinion.
but i think i've come to realise that i do not want you in my life if that is your biggest goal of this year.
but you act like its all a joke because you've realised that you will never have the potential to do something worthwhile.
too late now i suppose.
and you spring up a plan on me for a week ahead to be out of town for almost a week.
after evaluating it all, i found out i am unable to go due to prior commitments.
you know..? like things you promise to do and won't change if other things come up.
but you don't know that..
once i was upset so you sent me a text saying that we're having a confrontation that arvo only for you to blow it off and **** your boyfriend instead.
i can genuinely say that i was depressed and was on the verge of suicide and just knowing the level of importance i had to you nearly sent me over the edge.
i hope you're happy... with yourself.
as when i told you that i couldn't attend, you attempt to convince yourself that the trip will now be "mega sucky".
but in the same minute you send a message asking with exclamation points and all if it was still okay for you to go with the girl you replaced me with.
you didn't just replace me on this trip..
you replaced me as your best friend.
and i'm not coming back..
i guess that's "mega sucky"
**** to **** *****.

It's like i play a video game
A third person shooter
Or a badass RPG
My Avatar interacts
With the world
While I control him
From my comfortable room
My avatar talks to you
Not I
My avatar laughs at your jokes
Not I
My avatar holds your hand
Not I
My avatar is who you know
Not I
But I'm done playing
I want to destroy my avatar
I want to lay my hand on the screen
And push right through it
And enter your artificial world
And find you
And hold your hand
with my
real hand

eenie, meenie, miney...
no -
but do you ever feel like yes?
like it probably wasn't your time
to be with him?
but what if you could
make it your time?
like if somehow we could go back
to the very moment you ruined
everything that you had good
going for you
like maybe if that guy would just
hear you out one last time
as if you havent been
begging for my forgiveness
for months
i can pinpoint the exact time
when my world went topsy turvy
and all you forced to do is
live with the consequences of stupid decisions
you made that one night...

the one night that
put out the glow
that beamed from your
soil-colored eyes

that night that deemed your once
textured locks of curled hair into
a mess of your own tangled regret
that took control over my anxiety

that night i "over reacted"
i remember that night so well; better than i care to admit.
i remember crying into the shoulder of the university
t-shirt i gave you,
and knowing that was the last time i would ever
      be
         close
             enough
                  to
                     smell
                         you
eenie, meenie, miney, mo
you're it