lexi Oct 19
I try to hold on
To anything I can
but it's no use I'm already gone
stuck on the thought I'll always be less than

I'm drowning in my own mind
engulfed by the waves
brain taken over by the role I've been assigned
bowing down to stereotypes; to whom we're all slaves

Plastering a fake smile on my fake face
everything is plastic, cold to the touch
it's my personality I continue to deface
I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be much

I am not me
I'm an alien
I'm not even sure what is a reality
Who I am is simply an alias
lexi Oct 19
She is pretty, and all the guys say she's cute
Her story screams through the paper, while mine is mute
I'm average, people walk past without a word
She is loud, everyone listens, and she is always heard
I am funny, in a mediocre way
She lights up the room, makes people throw their heads back and laugh, you should be a comedian they say
She has a way with words, she's witty and smart
I can't express what I'm feeling, every emotion captured in my heart
She easily charms, and people fall in love
I am the one friends can easily dispose of
She looks in the mirror and smiles with joy
I don't even bother, in fear of the ego I'd further destroy
She is the me
I wish to be
To put it in a none poetry way: I wish I were better
  Oct 17 lexi
Psychotic Harmony
i have to keep myself together
for everyone around
i can't let them see my tears
can't make a sad sound

i should be able to open up
but something inside me cringes at the thought
keeping me locked up
tying me up in a knot

i long to break free
of these bonds i have caged myself in
i misplaced the key
sewn shut in my own skin

i need to release this pressure
this sadness needs to escape
find air that is fresher
i can't keep fixing it with tape

i need to rip the bandaid off
**** this fake smile
i don't care how you scoff
i need to be real for a while

let me cry
let me sob
let me die
let me throb

let me break open
split apart at the seams
i feel like i'm choking
on my own unspoken screams
the moment before the crash
lexi Oct 17
It's orange flames; burning heat everytime I speak
It's a gnawing feeling, eating away at my very being
It's a flash of light so very bright like a deer in headlights
It's words on my tongue waiting to be sprung and dance toward your ear
I'm biting my tongue; wanting to tell; afraid that you will judge
Because even if you say it's fine, and you don't care at all
I have this fear you will no longer think of me the same
lexi Sep 19
it's that feeling
when you want to talk
but don't know what to say
when you want to cry
but are scared someone will hear you
when you wish somebody would listen
and not just pretend they care
lexi Aug 11
I sat there on a rock
my back aching from the lack of support
staring at the lake
the trees in the distance
and their reflections in the water
the pastel pink sky also mirrored in the water
like the lake was trying to imitate its perfection
making it impossible to tell reality from reflection
truth from a lie
the view so scenic
something you only saw as a screen saver
if I could paint it I would
but instead, I paint with words
stroking my brush
creating smooth lines on a paper
trying in vain to remake
the cloudless sky
bright golden sun peeking up behind the firs
ripples on the water's glassy smooth surface
and the small imperfection
sitting on a rock
back aching from lack of support
taking it all in
the perfect sunrise she'd never be
lexi Aug 11
The crisp morning air
not only smells of freedom
but tastes of happiness
the crunching of leaves beneath your ***** boots
the tired fogginess in your brain
the sticky remain of bug spray on your skin
your hair, ruffled from the night of restless sleep
the aching of days of hiking in your joints
the soreness of your throat, from days of singing and laughing
none of it matters
because here
in this woods
you are far away from your problems
you are free
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