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lexi Apr 1
The world is falling
Tumbling into nothing
A deep dark daunting nothing
Fear grips it's icy claws into my shoulders
It's biting brisk breath buzzes in my ear
Unheard over the paralyzing piercing pounding of my heart
I am drowning in dread
Unable to see help through the cacophonous crashing waves
The tenacious tempestuous typhoon plunging me into the obscurity.
I used to have panic attacks at night cuz I'd think I couldn't breathe, and this is kind of me making a sad attempt to put the feeling in words. Anyway, this is brought to you by theasaurus.com for helping me come up with big words.
lexi Dec 2018
Tied to my arms are strings
so thin they're almost invisible
almost           but
if you look hard you will see
the silvery strands cutting off circulation
stretching up toward the sky
toward their holder

if you look even harder you will see
the puppeteer
grinning wildly at me
knowing I am forever trapped
because how can you escape a cell
you don't know is there
lexi Oct 2018
I try to hold on
To anything I can
but it's no use I'm already gone
stuck on the thought I'll always be less than

I'm drowning in my own mind
engulfed by the waves
brain taken over by the role I've been assigned
bowing down to stereotypes; to whom we're all slaves

Plastering a fake smile on my fake face
everything is plastic, cold to the touch
it's my personality I continue to deface
I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be much

I am not me
I'm an alien
I'm not even sure what is a reality
Who I am is simply an alias
lexi Oct 2018
She is pretty, and all the guys say she's cute
Her story screams through the paper, while mine is mute
I'm average, people walk past without a word
She is loud, everyone listens, and she is always heard
I am funny, in a mediocre way
She lights up the room, makes people throw their heads back and laugh, you should be a comedian they say
She has a way with words, she's witty and smart
I can't express what I'm feeling, every emotion captured in my heart
She easily charms, and people fall in love
I am the one friends can easily dispose of
She looks in the mirror and smiles with joy
I don't even bother, in fear of the ego I'd further destroy
She is the me
I wish to be
To put it in a none poetry way: I wish I were better
  Oct 2018 lexi
psychotic harmony
i have to keep myself together
for everyone around
i can't let them see my tears
can't make a sad sound

i should be able to open up
but something inside me cringes at the thought
keeping me locked up
tying me up in a knot

i long to break free
of these bonds i have caged myself in
i misplaced the key
sewn shut in my own skin

i need to release this pressure
this sadness needs to escape
find air that is fresher
i can't keep fixing it with tape

i need to rip the bandaid off
**** this fake smile
i don't care how you scoff
i need to be real for a while

let me cry
let me sob
let me die
let me throb

let me break open
split apart at the seams
i feel like i'm choking
on my own unspoken screams
the moment before the crash
lexi Oct 2018
It's orange flames; burning heat everytime I speak
It's a gnawing feeling, eating away at my very being
It's a flash of light so very bright like a deer in headlights
It's words on my tongue waiting to be sprung and dance toward your ear
I'm biting my tongue; wanting to tell; afraid that you will judge
Because even if you say it's fine, and you don't care at all
I have this fear you will no longer think of me the same
lexi Sep 2018
it's that feeling
when you want to talk
but don't know what to say
when you want to cry
but are scared someone will hear you
when you wish somebody would listen
and not just pretend they care
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