I am either this or that, black or white
So no wonder I get muddled when life cannot be sorted into is or was
I either oversleep peacefully, or wake early just to talk to the birds under the cobalt sky

I knew that I loved your sapphire eyes and that you loved my bubblegum lips,
I did not know that our celestial fate could take flight so swiftly.
I shuddered awake from a lavender dream about our souls as one, to an amber storm reality
You loved me crimson, but you always loved yourself a little brighter
Me? Well I loved us
I'll sleep in so I don't have to feel the forest fire you lit in my ivory chest
It is still burning a hole in my ribs to show everyone I meet that I am, was and always will be a firecracker kiss
I was ignited by your explosive teal spirit
But even the most beautiful fireworks must burn out to allow the next to whistle into my indigo air

I wish I could turn back time and see if I wasn't loved
every time I see something I have this urge to put it in words
draw across the canvas of nonsense, I know there's little time
I'm painted so ugly that I don't walk in sunshine

I have no idea what to do with
all this pain
so I paint another face and give it
a new name
    and the smoke chokes all as I wait
for the rain
I turn my back to the wall and the
canvas is blank again


I'm here, I'm screaming, I swear it was there
I don't think I'll be leaving, I'm still breathing what I wear


sometimes my voice gets lost
in the silence I make
I wonder how many more lie's
my conscience can take
I know I'll change into a monster
before I ever escape
My mind feels so strange
after the lights fade

I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
i'm wearing a smile on my face
It is so hard to live and breathe
when you're suffering
from your own mind and space



it gets so lonely after a while
that I can only feel my own face
my heart is still young and vile
searching for an unknown place
I'm so far from home
I think I've forgotten where I'm from
as I count my steps so I can go black
when the sun's in shade



*I'm here, I'm screaming, I swear it was there
I don't think I'll be leaving, I'm still breathing what I wear


I'm here, I'm screaming, I swear it was there
I don't think I'll be leaving, I'm still breathing what I wear

all those promises of forever,
and the words whispered.
the shared secrets, the glances,
the looks when we knew what
the other was thinking.

the days spent pretending
that the rest of the world didn't
exist and the nights of talking.
the mornings of tired silence,
the random texts that were only
half a thought, and the brokenness
that we share but refuse to acknowledge

First time I saw you
Was in the room C17 of our high school
We had music together
But we didn't speak at all
But I remember noticing
Your red n' black
Flannel shirt
And I thought
He seems like a nice guy
And I wonder what there's hidden

Behind his blue eyes...

First time we really spoke
Was when we were together
Working in a group
For the stomp-project
You were wearing a grey t-shirt
With a sad green dino'
Saying
" All my friends are dead"
I thought to myself
He's a pretty awesome guy
And there's no way that you can't

Love his T-shirt...

Then it would be a long time
Before we actually spoke again
But to my luck
We had a common friend
Who was also a friend
Of your girlfriend
Who my family and I
Also knew

Very well...

So I packed the growing interest in you
More far than far away
And focused on just being a friend
'Cause at least I could be that
And I got to know you more and more
The feelings wasn't there
They were locked far away
'Cause liking you
Would never be
Okay...

You like NIRVANA
And you remind me a little
Of Kurt Cobain
Your best friends name is Julie
And me and her,
Heh...
We didn't like each other
At the beginning
But today
We're best friends
And sometimes I'm even jealous of you
Always being so close to her...

We fast became a trio
We are like the three musketeer
Your are the third girl
In our little group
And I'm still jealous
On you
'Cause your hair is so **** soft
And I just love
To play with it
And luckily for me
You don't have anything against it...

You used to sneak in on me
And Tickle my sides
Making me scream out
In the foyer
Of our school
You really thought that was funny
While I got embarrassed
But again I had to remember
My mission
That no matter what

I mustn't fall for you...

Then time passed
We were at our common friend's b-day
And your girlfriend was there too
She slept in your arms
I thought it was so cute
But I didn't wish
That I was her
Since I liked both her and you...

I loved you
But only as a friend
And I was happy
How things were

'Cause you have taught me so much...

You taught me 'bout music
You made me rediscover
The rock, metal and grunge music
From my childhood
You made me grow into an adult
It was because of you
That my interest for music grew
And you inspired me
To learn how to play guitar myself
We can more or less say
That you are the reason
For half of the person
Which I am today...

It was through you, I discovered
Philosophy
Plato and Socrates
And that had importance
For my choice of subject
The first semestre at the university
So it was my friendship with you

That lead me to him...

But anyway let's not speak about him
'Cause something even worse happened
During the last year of high school
'Cause halfway through it
I discovered
That your girlfriend,
She had broken up with you...

See that's where hell began

Suddenly There was no longer anything
Which kept me
From falling for you
And all the hidden feelings
Began to burst through
My heart and my mind
I suddenly realized
That I had loved you

The whole time...

After becoming aware of
How much you meant to me
I couldn't look you in the eyes
Neither could I speak
Because I felt like I
Had failed as a friend
Was everything I did
Only done because I loved you?

I kept asking myself...

But no,
At the university I discovered
While being away from you
That everything
I got to know through you
Still meant a lot to me
It seems like our friendship
Had always been real
And that we really

Had a lot in common...

And then there's the secret
Which I wanna let you know:
Do you know that it was because of you
That I wear earrings today?
You gave me the peace-pair
Which I always wear when I sleep
They didn't have to be made of silver
'Cause to me they would still be priceless
Because they're a proof
That you've actually listen to me
That you've learned
Some of my likes and dislikes
That was the biggest gift
Which you could ever give me

Price doesn't matter,
but the thought behind it does...

We played WOW and Skyped
And I often found myself
Laughing with tears in my eyes
Because of something that you've said
But when we were alone in the chat
There was only silence
Since I didn't know what to say
I know you hate dumb people
And i'm afraid to make mistakes

When I'm around you...

At new years eve
You offered me
To one day come home to me
And teach me to play dark souls
It would just have been us
You and me alone
But I never took you up on your offer
'Cause being alone with you
Makes me so **** nervous
And then you would also have noticed
That my body temperature rises

When I'm with you...

Now I'm in a state
Where I can't feel anything
I'm not in love with anyone
But I still have a longing after being in your arms
Just like the time
Where you tried to keep me warm
So I hope
That I'll fall in love
With you once again
When you come back home
To Denmark
But I can't force feelings
Neither yours our mine
And I'm pretty sure
It'll take a long time
Before there will be development,
If there will be any
At all,
In our relationship
But I know that if it happens

*Then it'll be worth
Any kind of struggle
Which I'll have to face....