if my father has taught me anything in twenty years
it is to avoid a man with any resemblance of him
and it's not that I feel sorry for myself but if we're being honest
he broke my mother's heart before mine was ever intact
and I was born trying to piece together a mess of a man with no intentions of being saved
because I believed every drunken "baby things will be different soon"
and I thought that if you loved someone it meant pulling them out of the pit they dug themself into
so I keep letting people fall temporarily in love with me
and trying to fill the gaps of my past with boys with their own open wounds
hoping my words are a scapel until they realize I'm just a human and not a surgeon
I just knew what it felt like to have your heart ripped into shreds before I even knew what organs were

you touch me and the cracks in my lips bleed I bite them so hard
no one has ever been this close
your fingers draw circles on the back of my legs
you kiss every part of me I say I'd like to change
then your lips drip honey on all of my wounds
(the same ones he used to call a burden)

I forgive you for hurting me.
I forgive you for lying to me,
for betraying me,
for leaving me all alone,
and for ignoring me.
I forgive you
Because hating you hurts.
The memories are like anchor holding me back
Thinking about you.
That time just makes my
Wounds sore,
Brain bruise,
Heart heavy
and the poison in my veins
is hurting me.
So I forgive you.
I know the poison will leave slowly,
so I forgive you to heal me.
I’ll let go of the grudges
To find peace.

The world is so
cold
that it leaves my
soul
with deep bitter
holes
that no one can
touch
or control

marks which never leaves
using knife cutting hands
bleeding will stop
scars will form
by tomorrow
wounds will heal
yet all those pain
and that problems
that never spars
marks which never leaves

I’m sorry, that I’m twisted and full of rage, I’m sorry, that I’m dark and full of blackness in my heart I attack you like a monster, even tho we both know we didn’t meant to hurt each other,
I’m sorry that I was a heartless *******, I’m sorry that I couldn’t treat you like a queen. My heart has gone to the blackness, I maybe a kind soul to you, but the star reveals the truth about myself the left eye of the blackstar that I kept from my queen.
I’m sorry, I was cruel, I’m sorry, for everything my love
I marked my own left eye to treasure all the darkness that was inside my heart, the memories of my personal life, the memories of a star that turned black, I can control my disease, I am a blackstar

Some where between the perpetual isolation
that we created in the name of personal space.
The wounds that were never healed,
Because they never received the ointment of attention.
The misunderstandings
That pilled up into a giant rumpus,
And ignited the dubious disposition,
turning the intimate conversations into constant fights.
The love that we lost,
To the demonic darkness of our egoistic nature,
Still exists,
But only in the fragments
Of some moth-eaten memories.

Sliver in my finger,
Oh why must you linger?
You have become a part of me
Cut you out I must, pardon me