i've never believed the saying, "time heals all wounds." it puts one under the impression that if you wait and do good, we'll one day be magically healed...we'll wake up and suddenly see and feel the radiance of the sun again.
the sun has come back but i can still feel the frigid cold trying to take me away.
google defines wound (n) as: an injury to living tissue caused by a cut, blow, or other impact, typically one in which the skin is cut or broken. synonyms include but are not limited to: ****, laceration, slash, abrasion, bruise.
wounds can be physical. black and blue. scratches up and down your arm. wishing they'd go away so you can stop telling people that you ran into a tree.
wounds can be mental. feeling a tug at your heart constantly, one wrong move and you're shattered. not being able to listen to that song without bursting out in tears.
my wounds are valid whether you can see them or not. time has passed and my wounds are still begging to be seen. stop telling me i'll be okay with time.
i used to feel crazy. i was waiting for a switch to turn on. the switch would turn on and i would be healed. i wouldn't feel like this anymore. this day never came but i'm realizing this is fine.
google defines heal (v) as: to cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome. synonyms include but are not limited to: mend, recover, improve.
peak moments make me feel like i'm healed. i'll laugh the way i used to. warmth takes me over. the sky is a brighter shade of blue.
low moments make me question the healing process. i'm crying. my heart feels like it's breaking all over again. i'm battling with myself in my head. suddenly i'm on a rollercoaster i can't get off of and i can't stop screaming.
the thing is, i'm constantly healing. the process never ends. my body is constantly working to heal my wounds and while they may become less visible over time, i can tell you i will always feel them.
i've accepted my wounds as a part of me. they take up space. i carry them with me everywhere i go. i'm not sure if i'd be me without my wounds.
my wounds remind me of who i am, what i'm capable of. they're proof of the battles i fought: the nights i cried and cried, the moments i felt the world was too much for me, the times i questioned my worth, when i could feel my own heart breaking.
i'm sorry to say that time doesn't heal all wounds as i'm still hurting.