I should not have to beg for you to pick me.
I deserve someone that will want me as their first and only choice.
I am not a late night confidence boost, a lonely miss you text.
I am worth more than this and am working each day to believe this.

This is how it feels when ..
    you're bent and broken this is how it feels when ...
   you're dignity's been stolen when everything you love                                                
      is leaving.                        you try to hold
   on to what you think you believe in .... my heart beats with the memories I wish I didn't have..                              I think of letting go and never looking back ...    
  never moving forward so there'd never be a past ...  
  it's easier to Run  
      replacing love with someone numb ....              
     it's so much easier to go and save yourself ....        
Than  to face a broken heart .....I never had the opportunity to even hear you whisper.....                 "goodbye"

i still remember the first time
that someone thought my body
was their property
my first girlfriend pressed her hand into my throat,
tightening her fingers
like she wanted to leave her prints there
but all that was left were bruises
that i had to explain away to my mother
a boy i just met grips my hair
he shoves me to the ground
i can still feel the branches pressing into my knees
his calloused fingers wiping away my tears
as he tells me to be a good girl
i want to be a good girl
i’m scared to not be a good girl
but i know i’m not
because good girl doesn’t shove her fingers down the back of her throat
digging like if she can go deep enough
she might find hidden treasure
good girl doesn’t feel hands forcing their way up her shirt
and think “he’s not going to stop
so i might as well let him”
good girl doesn’t feel ***** all the time
good girl doesn’t have fingerprints engraved on her skin
like tattoos
good girl doesn’t feel phantom hands
pushing their way up her skirt
if she sits a certain way
a good girl wouldn’t let that happen to her
a good girl doesn’t let her body
get rented out like a hotel room
a good girl is no one’s property

Your silence is deafening,
And I’m left in the dark.
You have me questioning,
But now you’ve made your mark.

Heartless words left on the table,
With no real outcome in sight.
The lack of respect makes me unstable,
And I’m ready to start a fight.

Your mouth sewed shut,
And your unwilling to talk.
Those unspoken words leave a deep cut.
Bandage me up cuz now I’m in shock.

I’m feeling alone,
Like I’ve done this before.
Your thoughts are stone,
But I’m looking for more.

Won’t succumb to the fabrication.
I can’t breath and I can’t scream.
I feel like a complete abomination.
It’s all too real and too extreme.

Your silence is deafening,
And my mind is exhausted.

Everyone tells how strong
you are and how you
can make it on
your own but
no one dares to
speak of the times
you will be up all
night wondering
how someone
could be so
worthless.

Feeling empty
and worthless
and meaningless
and alone
how can I make it stop
I need to make it stop
it hurts
I feel like
i am burning
will it ever stop
please tell me
that someday it will stop
because if not
I need to make it stop

To me you are floccinaucinihilipilification,
and as ugly as the word too...

They told me
Time heals everything
But they never answered my question
How long time does it take?

Because this feels like forever
and that is a long time
When you've got nowhere to go

Also,
I think,
If I ever saw the light again
I will become blind

So what is the point?