You know... you've been wearing long sleeves a lot.

Is it bad that I crave your touch?
Is it bad that I love it when you tease me?
Is it bad that I love it when you turn me on?
Is it bad that I feel like I'm in love?
Is it bad that I'm willing to defy everything my family said just to be with you?

Is it bad if tomorrow or tonight I say I love you.....

Trying to expand yet I feel so diminished
Tomorrow's a new start yet I feel so finished.
Why say more, you already get the gist?
I'm onto something new, I don't need this ****.

Peel back
the layers of
insecurity
that's been
piled on
through-out
my twenty
years, and
wrap my
worried mind
with your
perfect
nothings.
-JRM

Chainsmoking cigarettes 

because I’m worried of 

getting lung cancer

I'm scared
I'm terrified
Petrified.
It's such a constant
           feeling
                        now

Never in my life
      have I felt
      consumed by a
      feeling

My heart beats
      with fear

Each thud
Each dud
       dread.

Quietly it goes
       pumping this
       pain throughout
       my bones.

I am scared.

I’m feeling nothingness.
No giddy happiness.
No depressing sadness.
No uncontrolled rage.
Nothing.
I’m not in love right now.
I love people, I know, but it doesn’t make
My heart pump, race.
I don’t fantasize my suicide anymore.
I don’t cry myself to sleep, either.

Maybe I don’t know what I am,
Because I’m on new grounds.
I’m used to sadness.
Comfortable in my depression…
So now,
I guess I’m just numb.
Maybe a bit confused as well.
I cry when I think of someone I use to have.
I want someone to hold on to,
Someone to hold on to me.
I laugh when something’s funny.
I get mad when someone aggravates me.
Overall though, I’m plain.
Blank.
Numb.
Nothing.
Overall,
**I am nothing.