I wonder what it would be like to love you.

I don't think that it would be uncomfortable or forced, rather I believe that it would be revitalizing-like having finally found a glass of water after being thirsty for hours.

You once told me that in the night when you can't sleep that you put on gym shorts and walk around the streets contemplating the world. I laughed at first until I realized that I do the same thing from my bedroom, watching the light from car headlights drift in through my black curtains.

I wonder what it would be like to join you out in the brisk night, where I would reach out and grab your hand unashamed and we would just coexist together.

But sadly I am not one to dive into things head first, as I always fear the consequences of allowing others the peel back the layers of my mind.

I am scared of being destroyed by someone as human as you.

Late night thoughts
Words glorified by the night,
Each letter's meaning becomes fully realized.
Text stretched into the third dimension
Written into the imagination
And Laced with promise.
Yet day breaks,
The sun reaches from the horizon
to pull the veil of night.
Its bright glare shatters the illusion,
exposing the hollow promise
inside each letter's shallow meaning.

When his lips met mine,
When I gave in to this other guy,
it all felt wrong.
His skin burnt my skin,
my hands burnt in his grip.
it all felt wrong.
There was nothing there anymore,
nothing there for me to want.
I thought maybe I could get over you.
I'll do to him what you did to me.
But it didn't turn out that way.
Because I wanted to tell him no,
to tell him I'm in love with someone else
to tell him he can go to hell.
But I realized something.
I realize that no matter how many times I say that I love you,
that I'm in love you,
that I want nobody else to know me how you do,
that none of it changes the way that you feel.
How you're never going to love anybody ever again.
How you don't want to love me,
how you want to deny me.
And no matter if I see that you do love me,
you'll deny it.
So when his skin burnt my skin,
I let it burn.
I did not try to extinguish it.
Because you wouldn't care if he had me or not.

But once he left, I fell into my own arms.
I fell into my own arms, and I cried.
Because he will never matter to me.
Because no matter how badly he wants me,
I do not want him.
I want you.
My tears fell, and I held myself.
Because you weren't there to hold me,
and you never will be able to.

I wish I could alleviate your fears,
that my words were the medicine to your problems.
I wish money was no big deal, because then
you'd be free of having to worry about the bills.
I wish I found a hope for Death, for leaving
and never once more dreaming,
that I could give you-replace the distress buried
like a maggot eating all illusions and hope for
better days- the embers of a promised fire.
I wish I was a better daughter
and though I try my hardest
It is never just enough to eliminate your tears
to the injustice life has shoved upon you.
If anyone deserves all things well,
it is you my caring Mother and for that I resent
this deprecating world.

Under the stars is when you look the best
I love looking at the world shine down on you
Revealing all your imperfections

You are the reason that my wishes never come true
Because you are everything that I wish for
When I wish upon a star

our tram rides are loud
words spilling out like loose rice
scattered round our feet
bright blue, silver, darkest black
jackets soft and warm
eye contact that lasts too long—-
immediately
overanalysed, I know.
my wishful thinking,
it often gets out of hand.
walking in the dark,
my hands are cold and lonely
our eyes glance sideways
too much, and yet too little.