***...I am not well…I cannot keep up…I plug one leak and another has sprung somewhere else – my crazybrain is out of control…it is tiring.
I am forever waiting for a “better day”.
Tomorrow I will feel better...Tomorrow will be a better day…What if tomorrow never comes?
Like I said I am not well…I cannot keep up... I am about done.

"I just can't even"
no you really ******* can
I pinky promise
that is is more than possible
for you to finish
your ******* sentence

I see your picture
Up on the Wall
It's clearly your best shot
At breaking my heart
It's as though I couldn't
Fit you in a frame
When you told me
Your sister died
Of suicide
So please excuse me
For bowing out
It's just---
I must battle some demons for you babe

your sarcasm sings to something in me that I didn't know was there.
small and tightly packed in the middle of my chest it pulses with light and longing when you speak.
because you say it with a smile I know how to respond
which only makes it better when my words come out sassy and clear
saying what the honesty in me demands but delivered as a joke.
your eyes let me know it isn't taken as one.
good.
you flirt with the enthusiasm of a child but the will and words of your 23 year old self.
at first I hesitated unsure how to respond to your loud efforts when I wasn't sure if you were messing with the new girl or just wanted to see me react.
but you've caught a spark of the fire I put out over a year ago
coaxing it back when I'd forgotten how nice the warmth could be.
but now I want that flame and it will hold because there's a matching burn in your skin when we touch and it's not enough.
you laugh when you notice our mirroring and wonder why whereas I smile because while I've noticed and know what it means I can't control myself enough to stop it happening.
and while the song on the radio says I'm gonna love you like a black widow baby
I just want to love you all the time in all the best ways because while black widows may **** after *** I want you to feel so alive there's not enough oxygen in the world for your body so you breathe harder.
Reality returns when you tell me now nice I look and I'm torn between preening and returning the compliment so you know of course I find you attractive
because your eyes are the brightest blue and your curves look so soft I wish I could put my hands just above your hips but I settle for gliding my hand down your arm and smile as you seem to enjoy it.
We stand very close together so much that anyone not interested would have taken a step back but neither of us do.
And if we were a boy and a girl someone would have broken up the party by now and told us to get back to work
but these silly pedestrians won't see what's right in front of their faces if they refuse to look.

Sleeping on the airport floor and getting used to different time zones was almost an accomplishment for us.
I considered the donut shop in Portland next to the church we were attending an added plus.
We never got donuts though, only stood in line.
I cursed at the sky and hoped things would be fine.
God has a plan for all of us.
I just hope you're included in mine.

Sometimes i wish life could be easier:

i wish that i could live in a cabin in the moutons of Austria,
where snow blocks all the roads,

and the only company i have are deer and birds maybe the odd bear,
i wish for peace and tranquility,
for a time where everything just stops moving so fast.

i wish for a place where even the most mundane jobs take hours,
like chopping wood for the stove,
hunting for food,
foraging for sweet berries,
making everything yourself,

i wish for a time where i can just be at rest and not worry about coming back to this life that i live.