you remind me of a certain someone, someone who i was close to like no other, who caused me so much pain and stress. exhaustion is a mess and I won't do that to myself again.
why would i put myself in a situation that i've been through before? i won't do it, not when i've already met the end of this road in my past. the road surrounded with wildfires, i barely made it through.
Blurry city streets seem to call your name I forgot how to exist when I no longer love you
strain As years weigh tightly on my spine I creep through the monotonous state no longer hungry slurring speech Towards the impending luxury Where he keeps my arms pinned down On the dying grass People watching The adrenaline never seems to last
Their eyes gaze in our direction As I bite into his shoulder As I squirm Friday night’s celebrations wrap tightly I can taste the whiskey But it doesn’t bubble inside me It lures him towards the smoky bars Where I cower above him
I ache My anger bubbles in moments where I’m screaming as the Car window opens As I drive away from the emergency room Soap still slipping through my wet hair Could I find meaning in this existence Where you don’t reside alongside me Whispering in my ear I used to count on my subconscious your voice of reason
Outgrowing the state of being My veins exacerbate the tight Need to fight To stand up straighter Hold it all together I let him wrap his fingers where He wants I let them gasp wake the neighborhood up To sounds of me howling Begging for An escape where They no longer ask from me Where the pain no longer pools Like the storm clouds Above the dry valley One strike of lightning Suddenly it’s a fight for our lives
Hit me so I can take my mental state Throw it into a definition Look through the stars the colors blend together in gaseous realities
I can find the one strand where I used moments of joy the orange duvet, window open Boiling tea kettles,
I used to just stand in the grass and not think about the Ticks The crawling underworld Soil seeping through, Induce me I’ll sink past the dirt, the sand And let go of your hand.
My imperfections are not endearing, my vices are not quirky, and my regrets are not intriguing and elusive. They’re **** and unsettling; better off buried in the catacomb that is my memory. better off dormant, hibernating through all four seasons. They destroy and ravage anything that they can get their hands on. They spread like wildfire through any self-respect that might be living inside me. Burning up every last trace of my dignity until all that’s left is a shower of ash and things I wish I could forget. They don’t add character or substance and leave me blinded by contempt. They whisper to me that I don’t deserve to be happy. And I listen to them. They’re angry and want revenge.
Well... maybe that's too deep for you Too dramatic But you liked the drama Just not in my words So I can't help but wonder If my body was your chew toy Simply because your other ******* were unavailable to play Or wonder if you really meant to leave me alone with the responsibility of cleaning up the mess that we made together Or wonder if you ever truly believed that we could bottle our sparks Yet, no matter how much I want to hate you I can't remember how You taught me how to love So I did I loved every moment of us Of you But then again I guess everyone loves the fireworks before they unexpectedly burst into uncontrollable flames
And maybe this was your goal To twist my emotions around your relentless fingers To toy with me To get in my head Or maybe getting in my pants was good enough for you And you couldn't give a **** about my thoughts
So that shooting star I wished on Disappears into the infinite collection of dim flickers in the night sky And I'm just another diminished *****-less trophy For you to stack against your wall with pride Just another addition to your demonized collection
Well, no. I still can't remember why I wanted to write about you But I write about sad things So maybe that's why And no It's not sad because of the way you used me It's sad Because I know if I were to see you tonight I'd run to you And let you run your hands through my hair again To feel that shallow wind again As if I wasn't already burned enough As if we didn't start a wildfire together.
It's about my ex. You kinda have to read the first part to get this one.
I posted them separately cuz I didn't wanna overwhelm you guys lol.