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bloodKl0tz Oct 22
I want to die out here with you
I want to decompose in your arms
our flesh slowly growing softer, and softer as our skin rots and our organs decay
our bones slowly growing closer, and closer
until our leg bones are not separated by leg flesh and our hip bones are not separated by hip flesh and our hearts seep together over our rib cages and our skulls press together, chin to forehead
dry leaves tickle our feet and the cool wind soothes our hot bones and the earth covers our clasped hands
until they can no longer tell who was me and who was you
probably 2009ish
bloodKl0tz Oct 15
1.  Headlights glowed like cigarette ends in the twilight

2. As soon as they winked out in the warm, weedy field, and the harsh engine noise snapped into silence, I began to cry.

3. Father stepped quietly towards me and I sniffed as I smelled the earth I was digging, the sweat I was dripping, the carcasses I was covering.

4.  Beneath the distant moon Father paused, watching me sift dirt over the remains of two limp goldfish.

5. The morbid scene glittered as moonlight sparkled off my tears and the half-buried scaled.

6.  A small tribute to their salty home.

7.  As if on cue, the wind ruffled the tops of the grain in the neighboring unshorn field; the undulating stalks mimicked the ocean.

8.  Their grave remains unmarked.
Written for Creative Writing class in 2008, the exercise was called Syntactic Gymnastics.
bloodKl0tz Sep 11
My legs are heavier than I am used to,
Except it feels so familiar,
I think this happens every night when I try to run in my dreams,
And its like forcing each step forward through thick syrup
Hardening wet concrete
A rapidly thickening slurry coating me.

I am weighed down by it, down on my knees now, hoping that grabbing the ground and pulling myself forward will increase my momentum
Ripping out handfuls of grass trying to get the earth to treadmill beneath me
Clay under my nails, more slurry, more layers,

The earth is a part of my lungs now
Wet pink webbing hardening from the outside in
Thin tendrils brittle and breaking off, sun-dried,
Cracking and dusty and making its way up my throat
A river bed of mud consuming the space in my mouth,
I reach in with my fingers and scoop out the muck and throw it but it keeps coming,
Filling and refilling my mouth, faster than my fingers can dig it out
Thick like dentist's putty, coating my tongue and teeth like taffy

The fear is always there
The fear mixed with the drowning feeling, drowning in wet clay,
Suffocating and afraid
That it will still be the same even when I wake up
bloodKl0tz Sep 3
i want to be
a cat wandering aimlessly,
not caring about it next day
not caring about its next meal or its next hunt

the sun is my goal
warm golden puddles
of cat  fur
  Sep 2 bloodKl0tz
leila
..
I never told a lie to you
that I love you
I told a lie to myself
that you love me..
bloodKl0tz Sep 2
i cant remember what it felt like to be a child

there are vague grasps at a feeling

of security, not yet shaken
in adults who are able to know and to do and to decide
  Sep 2 bloodKl0tz
Chesta
And if you're not found yet, you will be soon
Follow my lead, under the full corn moon
And if you're all splinters and shards, think like stone
Follow my lead, and I'll guide you home
Yesterday I was reminded that, despite how hard things might seem... there is far greater pain being felt by some close to you.  It's up to you to step outside of your woe, and be strong for someone else.  Don't hold out your hand for something.... hold it out for someone.
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