Inhale, Exhale,
Sitting at a table waiting for a girl that will never arrive,
       Next to me, I watch as her easy grin melts into her mouth,
Checking my phone three times a minute for a text that will never be delivered,
       I reach out and grab her hand to feel she’s real,
Staring at my reflection wondering what part of me is not good enough,
      Her eyelids droop, but mischief dances behind her grey and red
      gaze,

I cough,

she laughs,

we kiss,

And everything around me goes up in smoke.

Breathing in the air of **** and hash,
Absorbing the levity atmosphere,
The sun glares down upon us,
Covered in sweat and mud,
Floating through the sound waves,
A dissonance of sounds,
Feeling like a wolf in the night,
An unhinged lunatic howling,
Thriving for a sense of freedom,

Dancing to the heavy bass,
Feeling the vibration from the stage,
Moving my body to the rhythm,
Creating moves, stretching my body, leaping  
Twisting and turning with all my friends,
The bass drops and we pounce to the beat,
The crowd rouse and joyfully move their feet,
A glimpse of gracious placed upon everyone’s faces,
The moment is sweet and clear,
Wrapped up in a bubble of glee,
I never want to leave,

Adrenaline is pulsing through my body,
Amazed by the people I’m meeting,
Dazed by their oddity and individuality,
Hypnotize by their creativity and charm,
Eccentric personalities,
Majestic ensembles,
An honest conversation of TOxicity,
Of past stories twisted with our own memories,
Unique bonds moulding overnight,
A journey of finding one’s split soul,

Late morning belly laughter,
Bathed in a sweat of positivity,
Colliding with emotions of vulnerability,
Drum and Bass music still roaring at 4am,
Fleeting back and forth,
Slowly vanishing back to the camp site,
Reaching for the comfort of my tent,
I catch my breath and slip into in a state of serenity,
Echoes of squeals and laughter thunder in the background,
Sunlight radiating across my skin,
Warmth of content,
I slumber into a deep coma

The distant park
Was a graveyard of dead stars.
Each streetlight a system of worlds,
So many lives between each mote of light,
Indistinguishable in their unique love,
Bespoke hate, and the drama of the modern age.

Drunk laughter behind transparent
Double doors. Another hotel balcony,
Another cloud behind the canopy
Of marijuana eyes
To unsettle me from the crowd.

She points out, when you look closely
You can see the disorder
Amongst all constellations
Of life and love and litter;
Of discarded Coke cans
And temporary highs.

She says this is not a scene
To imbue the ****** of a present mind,
More to baulk at the incompletion
Of one thousand to-do lists;
A million reasons why
You should just stay inside.

She says you can see the human swell
Of ignorance, our city lights
Blotting out the stars
In a black ocean of broken politic
And irretrievable fault lines-
Divisions between us all.
Lives twisted with professional smiles
And eyes lit with stunning indifference.

Still, I have felt charity and warmth
On the doorstep of lunatics and fascists.
I have read the love of life
In faces of those who gave up.
I have recounted countless artists
Who saw beauty
In moments that precisely lacked it.

I have spent too many nights
In anaesthesia,
Fleeing each instance of feeling
And terror; all the tremors
That tell me I am still alive.

Continued to stare at the lights
Long after her voice
And the laughter inside had gone.

Heard waves in the traffic.
A world so large, so expansive,
It can never truly sleep.
Every broken heart,
Every war-torn land,
Every promotion,
Every one-night stand.

I wonder what would happen
If we all stood still.
If we all took one moment
To observe the motion
That unfolds beneath
Our static windowsill.

If we all took one moment
To recover our loss.
The wars that we won,
The feelings, forgot.
The hell we retain;
Our paradise, lost.

Yesterday I came home mad
I had the house to myself
so I went to my room
and packed a bowl
I decided to clean the bathroom
because for me,
cleaning is therapeutic
I took a hit and then scrubbed the sink
I took a hit then cleaned the toilet
I took a hit and then cleaned the mirrors
I took a hit and scrubbed the bathtub
I took a hit and swept the floors
the bathroom I stood in smelled like bleach
and
marijuana
I felt better
burning and bleaching the days gunk away

As I stand here, outside my work building
stealing a smoke break
I wonder about God and the universe
and how much happier it makes me feel
to believe in other things

That the sun was a running man
chasing the stars in that endless black
run man
run fast
run free
but freedom only gets you
slipping and sliding in circular leaps
around our earth, almost like
a clumsy mouse in a stationary wheel
and these sneaky stars
always one step ahead at sunrise
or at his heels in sunset

My mom’s a Catholic woman
she won’t believe in the running man
her stars are not stars, no
her stars are rosaries in purses and
priest’s words
taught words
holy words
but holy words are also
human words, are they not?
It never made sense to me
that a person could live their whole life
repenting it

But then again,
my dad used to have me work in our yard,
picking the weeds outside
and he let me treasure them in a vase
he never called them weeds,
they were always
dandy-flowers
wishing flowers
wildflowers
but wild only gets you
believing in the sun and
keeping shrubs in vases
All of which suit me, because

In the lonely nights of endless black,
I have the company of my own stars
and when holy words of weeds fall back
I remember that—
wild humans are only wildflowers

No.

I am not high.

I just dream out loud!!

ANu de girl
dat made me twirl
ANd made
my moustache curl

She winked at me
I got knock-kneed
and had to
smoke some ****

It worked indeed
she puffed with me
then we both
watched this tale unfurl