A night of peace and stars with a makeshift family.
Sitting in the warm, spring night,
colored by long strings of yellow Christmas lights.
Around the patio table, we laughed and talked for hours.
But all at once,
I felt your soul go quiet.
I felt the leftover splash from the wave of sadness
that had taken you under.
Every part of my body went numb as my heart lept
to try and touch yours.
My eyes searched the others at the table.
I was the only one privy to the melancholy waves
That radiated from inside you.
My lungs felt like they were shrinking,
unable to hold too much air at once.
My brain and my heart signaled to the rest of me.
They said
“sing”
They said
“Play.”
I wanted more than anything
to have an instrument in my hands.
I wanted more than anything
to sing the happiness back into us.
Or maybe I needed to sing the sadness out,
find a way to tell the rest of them that we were sinking.
I wondered what had happened.
Was it the peace?
Did you feel guilty for feeling okay?
I couldn’t tell if it was
The liter of alcohol you’d downed
Or the same guilty sadness
That seeps from my pores every day.
If I feel your waves now
Do you feel mine?
You stumbled along the path,
Then slurred your goodbyes.
I drove you home
And you acted
Like everything was fine.
I took the time to write this poem after a night with my dad and his girlfriend. My dad and I have gotten really close since my parents split about a year and a half ago, but I do my best to stay strong around him, and I think he tries to do the same around me. That night he got really drunk and silent, but when I asked if something was wrong he would say, "nothing. I'm okay." In times like that, the best thing you can do is just be there for someone. So when we got home I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and told him that I love him. He is my hero no matter how drunk or sad.
