8:30 AM on the way to school
Dad questions my existence.
How can you be sure you’re real?
And this life isn’t planned or constructed?
Who’s really in control?
Haven’t you heard – when people start looking familiar, it’s because God has run out of extras...

The scorched hills roll by in waves under the clear California sky.
Maybe none of it is real. How would you know?
Maybe you’re the subject of a tv show –
And I’m not really your dad.
And I’m just scripted to have this conversation.

If so

Then
Let them see
My fits of crazy
The ugly faces I make in the mirror
My secret tears
And ***** blood
And demented body
And twisted face
And let them know
That I am human.
After all.

I am on an island.
An island surrounded
by streets and houses, ebbing and flowing
with light. People crash and rush
through me and past me
yet I am still trapped on this island.
Everywhere is shared -
I am invisible
yet they are watching me.
My hands are shaking
and spilling the contents of this heart
over myself. They will see,
they will hear.
Eyes. Mouths.
Words pointed at me,
bullets waiting to explode,
tear through me.
Collision.
Breath like hot blood on my neck,
dripping into me.
An expanse of hollow space
filled with nothing but terror.

Everyone falls down
But it's their choice
To go without a sound
Or have heard their voice

As friends it's our choice
To listen and help them
So we can later rejoice
That we saved a friend

But there are some
Who fall too far into the brink
To darkness they succumb
And we can't do anything

**but watch

Let me in when the darkness comes
because I need the recognition which you
regard me with, as if your eyes truly
understand and feel the world of pain
I have within me. I needed you to save
me and you watched me,
you knocked like crazy on the metal
walls until they collapsed
and you caught me,
with all of my cracks.

I'm just so broken,
So weary,
But you still watched something.
You still saved something.
You still made something.

Something out of nothing.

I'm tangled inside and everything comes out like glass
I'm cutting inside.

The way you carelessly lose yourself, cuts me inside
And I forcefully tear my skin off
To show you I'm bleeding.
Can these pools of red speak louder than thunderous phrases?
I've tried.

You find yourself in dark places
Losing yourself to people who won't remember your name.
And you forget yourself
And
It
Tears
Me
Inside

In the worst kind of way.

I can't force you
Can tears? Can pleas of red and blue? Can whispers of adoration?
I've tried.

Does it come down like lightning - or do I sit in a deserted room...
Watching an hour glass, receiving postage with your name written on it.
Hearing about you from everyone but
you.
I've tried

And I'm the woman stuck in a painting
Trapped in an artifact
Scribbled on a drawing.
I can't speak!
Every single piece of me is lost in time, to trying, to trying..... Fading.

But, I saw you yesterday.
You smiled.
It felt like the beginning of something,
I realized
After all this time, maybe we can began again

My father’s watch,
I notice stopped.
His movement ceased
to turn the cogs,
that spin the gears,
which move the dials,
that give the promise
of a while.
 
The watch now mine,
but still it’s stopped.
It sits inside a precious box.
The frozen hands,
my father still,
his whispered breath,
his secrets kept.
Regret, regret.
 
One day ready
to wear that watch,
I’ll move the gears,
start time again,
in good knowing
the hour I’m stood
will come to be,
eventually.