The boardwalk air tasted as sweet the ice cream on your tongue
You held my hand as we navigated through the fun house
Green shirts and green eyes glowing under fluorescent lights
It was then, under careful consideration, I was made yours.

Our children’s names are Evangeline and Jason
You let me pick night one
I was convinced, in my mind that you can’t handle, that those words were truth

My father’s rage was felt throughout the household
When you're young and you think you're in love you don't care
All I cared about
All that was on my mind was certainty and trust

Now, it’s not like I’m being delusional
A boy crazy crush that I never had a chance with
You were good with words
fed to me on a spoon with saccharine syrup
Fake sweetness filling me with lies
One spoonful of “I love you”
Another spoonful of “I won’t leave you if things get bad”

Things got bad

My skin parted like petals
emptying false hope onto the girl’s bathroom floor
My first thought
contained by blue paper scrubs
was to tell you that I loved you
It’s easy to think that when you're deflowered
petals rotting on a second hand couch in your parent’s basement

I waited
I wrote
I colored stupid pictures
using pencils I wasn’t supposed to have in my hospital room
I prayed every night
All was in vain
I suppose boys get put off
when girls make themselves bleed
instead of them making us do so

It all happened so fast

One week I was your latest obsession
Hands on my body as if attached with glue
You showed me off like a prize orchid
My petals were picked
Quickly, painfully
Until I lay bare before you
A flower is no longer beautiful
When colors and soft skin are stripped and tainted

I let you in
You got frightened
I stayed in the fun house
You ran back to normalcy

Space was needed
I could wait
I gave it to you while I paced the cold tile floor
Counting down the minutes until I could be in your arms again

The bus platform was our place
I saw you
Your stupid hat
your flannel
your tired green eyes
and though there were hundreds of other people there
none of them registered in my eyes but you

I had a plan
we could make things work, right?
After all I gave the mandated space
I also gave you the stupid coloring pages I made out of a concoction of boredom and saccharine love, on the nights my sleeping pills couldn't sedate me. So, every night.

I got a little bit of what I wanted though
The aforementioned embrace, yet not out of love but out of pity and guilt
Broken quickly, as if my love was a contagion you didn't want to catch

Stupid pictures in hand you left
You want no part of me
Yet you have every piece
Every petal

Io sono deflorata
Percio sono spine

Touch me like you need me
Like you needed me that night
You needed something that couldn't be lent
that couldn't be returned

Feel my hand
Merged with yours
sweaty and lustful
entwined with my fingers
as you claim me as yours

Grab my wrist with your razor fingers
empty my soul onto a ***** bathroom floor
and cling to it all the way to the hospital
On the ambulance ride
I see my mother and my father behind me
Two faded forms through the window
I sleep
I wake up hours away
from my home
from you

In my mind you are there
in my hands
in my heart
inside of me
bleeding out rapidly in a cold room
next to a girl twelve years of age
with cherry gashes up and down her arms

I know
I know that you are there
in my ****** poetry book
that I gave from stolen papers and crayons
Blood red
your favorite color
all over printer paper with hearts and cursive.

i crumble on my feet
you look at me
like i’m the ground
thumping each step
with such vigor

even if i’ve managed
to keep the key
the points and turns
still earns for bliss
for what words say

treat it like honey dew
wrap it around like yarn
the way cats play them
as they form abstract
during mom’s daytime

i’ve been in the galaxy
coalesced with the stars
forged with the sun’s heat
wrapped around the planets
as the milky way release

i’m back to reality
and the temple remains
as it is even if i let
someone in or out
the path stays golden

augustine, what have you done to me?
i should feel wildfires without guilt
i should tremble on the cusp between
wishing i could be entirely consumed
and wishing i could erupt.
we should shiver without fear
of melting retribution.
god can hold the candle that drips
hot wax on my nape,
i don't believe they hate what they create.
augustine, you've made me unclean.
we spend hours smearing acid between two
bodies, don't we erode our impurities?

When I was
seven years old
I crept down our stairs
in the dark
it was just about midnight
on Christmas Eve
and I
wanted to catch Santa Claus
as he put presents
under our tree

When I was
fifteen years old
I laid on his bed
in the dark
it was in the evening
during the summer
and I
nervously waited for him
to shove his *****
inside of me

I hid
near the fireplace
anxiously awaiting an arrival
hands clenched into tight fists
giddy with anticipation
waiting in the dark

I spread
open my legs
feeling pressured and defeated
the TV blared so that
his mom wouldn't hear
my hands clenched into tight fists
I didn't want to touch him
but I
waited in the dark

I didn't see Santa Claus
instead
it was my parents
shoveling presents under
our tree
my verbal exclamation of shock
and betrayal
led to them disciplining me
for sneaking around
in the dark

I didn't look at him
instead
my eyes wandered around
his room
gazing at the guitars and
posters and
the closet and
even the TV
he ******* and
left me there, cold
in the dark

At school,
I told all of my friends
that Santa Claus wasn't real
I wanted everyone to know
the counselor pulled me aside
and said that it wasn't fair
for me to take this
from the other kids
it wasn't right
it wasn't my place
"Let them stay innocent
a little while longer."

I didn't want anyone to know
when I lost
my virginity
tears bubbling at my waterline,
I looked at myself
in disgust
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't right.
It wasn't his place.
Except there was no counselor
for me to speak to
only the sound
of water droplets
falling
as I cried in the shower

I thought that
I lost my innocence
when I found out
that Santa Claus wasn't
real.

But
this IS real
and hurts
so
much
more.

"Normality?" She cried, " 'Tis a rarity!"
"First you powder your visage white
And then dust eyes with 'Black as Night'
Slather crimson on your lips and cheeks and the reincarnation is complete!"

"Left one, two, three, right one, two, three
And spin around in your ill-stared gown!
Blow kisses to the monsieurs and be free for the night is young and you are the clown!"

"Then what, oh, chaste priestess?"
"Why, lead him to the velvet underground
Perhaps lock those rouged lips of yours on his and unlock his garments with that wretched kiss!"

"Oh, my mistress, do not weep!
For it is only right that you are his this week!
Look, your masque is fading like a watercolour and speak to me, pitiful girl, a little slower!"

"I hear nothing, yet your mouth is moving.
We may be weak but we are conjuring
Love's handsome embrace,
So let there be briars of joy on that face!"

"Rulers make good lovers!
And will bring peace to the war-struck lands.
Oh, excitement has filled my body
Knowing that he will wed those delicate hands."

"Thanks be bestowed on you- Priestess of Utopia! You are right, I am the Clown and I shall conceive if needs be and for that, my soul shall drown!"

His sheets are now marked
As her territory,
A territory that'll only be conquered
For the night.

In the morning,
There will be fussing because
When the sun rises, so do the questions
Of Reality;
The statements of cynicism and lies.

She'll try to maintain her place.. With
His body on hers,
Not an inch seen of personal space;
Ready to claim what is now hers
As His.

Her justifications
Her pleading eyes
Her lips drenched with temptation
His mind racing wanting to get the deed
Signed in the upmost speed of time
Her hesitation warming her up all the more
But he doesn't care because he's
Conquered and reconquered
Many bodies of land before.

i have learned to breathe under holy water -
grew gills so strong they are
lined with celestial gold.

the ocean is a puddle to me now.

and i ***** pearls of pain,
lick them clean with my acetylene
tongue.

my acids will heal what the world cannot.

pills and love potions  
can't take away
my virginity.

i am clean, so clean.

the devil watches me and
cringes at my radioactive light.

for i am dead and alive all at once.
poison, poison.

the radium drips from my lips like
babyspit and i am too pure
for god himself

so i offer my golden blood
to a higher power

that would take the pureness of it all
and make it an ounce
of what i could have been

A single touch vibrates through me leaving warmth in its wake
A blissful alien feeling quite unexplained
Pleasure crescends to the higher ****** - reaching the heights of new pleasures undiscovered and savored, energy waves pull me under

I drown in its welcoming healing heat and while you sweetly serenade my body to a musical frenzy out of heat and sweat

Holding on tight and covers grasped, flushed bodies in wake getting closer to the final task in glorious fervor

Eyes consume, hypnotize, and undress as whispers of sweet nothings and gentle caress flood all rational thoughts aside



This is a special moment especially for a ****** maiden as senses is heightened in the form of touch and many o' kiss

It's oxygen and live giving unknown energy makes my heart beat faster synchronized with superhuman senses

All burst with pleasure simply through delicate ministrations only a professional experienced lover can give

To feel such newfound pleasure without a touch makes it somehow more better when you're not here

If you scream no one will hear you
If you scream I will **** you
Little  girl  of  seven
How ‘bout you bring me to heaven?

I’ll take you on a trip
You’ll feel your insides rip

It’s ten past noon
The beginning of June
She screamed anyway
In the middle of the day

Ten minutes before,
She knocked on her door
Nobody is home
She’s all alone

So she skipped to the park
Past trees of paper-white bark
To swing on the swings
Such a thoughtless innocent thing

He was looming there
She didn’t really care
Friendly he did seem
And tried to push her on the swing

Alarmed, she struggled to get down
He shoved her to the ground
The smell of cigarettes
The sound of deep heavy breaths

Deflowered was the maiden(head)
Defiled was the child
So loudly she had screamed
From the object he had reamed

Rough and rigid was the shaft
A sharp pain and the smell of blood
Briefly she blacked out from the traumatic flood

The monster bolted from the sound of her cries
What had he done? She understood.
Showed her womanhood

The smell of cigarettes
The beginning of regrets
The sting of his sixty second fling
Although he was gone
His stench lingered on

So once more, she ran to her apartment door
No  one was there to comfort her despair
On her porch she sat
Numb and waiting

Mom comes home and asks what’s wrong
Why did she take so long?
A police report was made
The girl’s memory begins to fade (shove it down, make it drown)

Ten past noon
That day in June
A sunny day in the park
Where her life went dark