along the shore of pink the boardwalk rose
the rose balloons can't keep up, so
ice cream melts and so do clouds, speckled.
strawberry flavors, unkempt cones, chocolate.

the other day i was on the waves
and, overwhelmed by the wake,
it crashed, i crashed. pummeling
that sand, that shore: baptism in reverse.

the candy shop, the bookstore, the
arcade, funland, the t-shirt shop, the
shell shop, the gift store, a tattoo parlor,
a hat store, boardwalk fries, purgatory.

The boardwalk air tasted as sweet the ice cream on your tongue
You held my hand as we navigated through the fun house
Green shirts and green eyes glowing under fluorescent lights
It was then, under careful consideration, I was made yours.

Our children’s names are Evangeline and Jason
You let me pick night one
I was convinced, in my mind that you can’t handle, that those words were truth

My father’s rage was felt throughout the household
When you're young and you think you're in love you don't care
All I cared about
All that was on my mind was certainty and trust

Now, it’s not like I’m being delusional
A boy crazy crush that I never had a chance with
You were good with words
fed to me on a spoon with saccharine syrup
Fake sweetness filling me with lies
One spoonful of “I love you”
Another spoonful of “I won’t leave you if things get bad”

Things got bad

My skin parted like petals
emptying false hope onto the girl’s bathroom floor
My first thought
contained by blue paper scrubs
was to tell you that I loved you
It’s easy to think that when you're deflowered
petals rotting on a second hand couch in your parent’s basement

I waited
I wrote
I colored stupid pictures
using pencils I wasn’t supposed to have in my hospital room
I prayed every night
All was in vain
I suppose boys get put off
when girls make themselves bleed
instead of them making us do so

It all happened so fast

One week I was your latest obsession
Hands on my body as if attached with glue
You showed me off like a prize orchid
My petals were picked
Quickly, painfully
Until I lay bare before you
A flower is no longer beautiful
When colors and soft skin are stripped and tainted

I let you in
You got frightened
I stayed in the fun house
You ran back to normalcy

Space was needed
I could wait
I gave it to you while I paced the cold tile floor
Counting down the minutes until I could be in your arms again

The bus platform was our place
I saw you
Your stupid hat
your flannel
your tired green eyes
and though there were hundreds of other people there
none of them registered in my eyes but you

I had a plan
we could make things work, right?
After all I gave the mandated space
I also gave you the stupid coloring pages I made out of a concoction of boredom and saccharine love, on the nights my sleeping pills couldn't sedate me. So, every night.

I got a little bit of what I wanted though
The aforementioned embrace, yet not out of love but out of pity and guilt
Broken quickly, as if my love was a contagion you didn't want to catch

Stupid pictures in hand you left
You want no part of me
Yet you have every piece
Every petal

Io sono deflorata
Percio sono spine

Your eyes are the sea at a boardwalk on a sunny day,
with the sea foam splashing small children holding onto their drippy ice cream cones,
begging their mothers for "one last ride".

Your eyes are the sparkle in a sapphire stone,
Precious, something to be coveted and treasured.

And when you smile...your eyes, they glitter and dance,
like sparks flying off of a sparkler on the Fourth of July.

On a boardwalk across the universe I meet with her.  For the first time and last.  I could not think of anything to say to her.  I just listen to what she has to say instead.  Her light skin and firey brown eyes warm the cold night around me.  She sips a star rain under the dim lights.  And then she smiles.  The perfect moment.  All the stars seem to fall from the sky.  The sky is full of infinite wishes.  But she is still smiling.  Nothing compares to that view.  Not even a sky full of falling stars and wishes.