we tried to find solace
in unknown deepness--
warmth & respite, ignored
in favor of stranger, atypical strides.

the sounds made sense at first,
then didn't.

imagine asking a question you never want answered,
posture straight and ears turned sideways,
cupped in hand,
yet deafened by sadness.

we weren't going to work,
but only time could tell us no
so firmly we stopped denying it.

where to begin

there is so much ******* pain
lined up inside me
like layers of skin
i have layers of pain

so much unsorted trauma
lying in my chest, mind, heart
my soul
it aches for growth, but
i am still figuring out the trauma part

i am not who i am born into
i am not the things that have happened to me
i am not the people who have hurt me

i am Me
i am my Self
I am Grace
i am strong

i have been hurt
but the weight of the pain has become
too heavy to drag around
i must dump the body

the body of trauma that lay inside me
fare ******* well

i am not required to forgive you
and for now i cannot
for you have sinned much more,
far, far, far more than forgiveness could erase

ten fold
i hope the horrible
terrible
evil
things you’ve committed

i hope they come down raining
ten fold
on your stupid ******* head
since you don’t get the picture

and here i will sit
while you writhe in suffering
disowning your evilness
rather than facing it head on
swords up
cutting through the thick disgust

but you ******* cower
like the ******* you are
you feel no remorse
you find pleasure in the pain of others
and for that
let bygones be bygones

i trust.
for your troubles are out of my hands
the things you’ve done to me
they are out of my hands
i will try to forgive,
oh but i will never ******* forget

i fill my hands with what i deserve
i fill my hands with love
i fill my hands with abundance
i fill my hands with peace

i let you go now
you no longer have a place in my life
holding on much longer will not suffice

Against the backdrop of a global catastrophe
witness us busying to fix the natural damage
heavily wrought
an endeavour in itself,
which ought to warrant respect
and the gift of time and patience

Our blood and sweat
a human resource
gladly spent to rebuild the detriment,
but not at any cost
not kamikaze squadrons
dashed upon the decks of a false progress

For each of us as batteries
are finite
and our spark will drain,
our light will die
unless the blinkered
see that trying is enough
for now

When foundations are rebuilt, safe
and feet feel steady
we will readily head skywards again

You can't do anything without the right thought.

Buddy, ole boy, or girl.

Doesn't that make too much sense,
you'll be unable to do a thing -
unless - unless you get hit by a train
a ******* void needs to land right inside of you.

A mystical being is coming for your mind,
and they are cracking skulls.
All in the prayer, that you'll figure out
that nothing from nothing is NOTHING.
Think something - think.

Beg, gravel, google
(The word is grovel, Google told me that.)

Drugs aren't words,
Netflix is inspiration,
Twitter can be a placebo,
and these can be your infinity.

Jokes pre 2000.
Memes post colonization.
Capture. Hold. Choke. Make a house pet.
Loved, but no companionship.
A corner, house plant, no sunshine necessary.

Agree with me.
or not,
I'd rather You struggle.

At least that way.
You'll fight to have your own thoughts.

The word ***** spills,
like a volcano erupting,
Unaware of the consequences.
I watch the destruction,
too distracted to see why,
a mind full of noise.
I stand back and surrender,
letting the chaos in.
I hid within its walls,
locking myself away,
too scared to be.
Only finding solace in the abyss.

Do not cry for those who have gone
Make a better world for those who are to come.
Do not put your faith in shadows of the past
Step into the light and let them see you shine
Do not curse the broken time in which we live
Race both hands to mend the clock
Do not be scared of the future
Let the future be afraid instead
You have the power to change it
If you will but try

I know i was born for something greater
than just wait and watch life pass me by.
I have a purpose i feel deep within my core;
A need to fulfill every time my heart screams
"don't settle, not yet".
I believe i can be all i want to be,
All i need to do is hear my calling
in this suppressed world of illusions.
I don't know how far i can go
but i won't stop trying.

Don’t you get it?
I can’t stop
I can’t stop running it through my mind
Replaying moments every time
I’ve tried once, I’ve tried a thousand times
I can’t just stop

Don’t you think I’ve tried?
Every piece of advice is just adding salt to my wound
Cheer up, snap out of it, relax
Like I’ve never tried giving myself the chance

So understand,
My mind isn’t like yours
No matter how hard I try
The thoughts just seem to multiply

I can’t stop
I can’t snap out of it
All I ask is for you to understand it