I always get this feeling
Feeling of boring
Laziness is with me
Tiredness is beside me
Overthinking make me weak
Avoiding it make me crazy
I am running and hiding
Trying hard to beat me

Am stuck in this place
Where every route leads to nothing
Waiting for someone
Anyone to save me
I am drowning but i can breathe
How long I'll last am still surviving
My vision is getting dimmer
I can't see what is around me
I do things while am blinded

Remove it, i scream out loud
Deep inside am scared of it
Attempt i made to take it out
But all my power is wasted
Wasted as i become fatigue in time
You can do it, a voice from inside
Motivate me but am not that strong
This feeling has hold me for too long

Of the good things I’ve known in my life
Best by far is you
You are thinking about leaving
Tell what you want me to do

I will straighten up my act
Stop ******* as much
Long as it means you’ll reserve
For me your touch

I miss sleeping with you
Nightly in our bed
I wasn’t harassed by crazy thoughts
In my head

Things will not ever be perfect
Despite how hard they get
Will always try to work it out
Please don’t give up on us yet

Emotions race
And thoughts begin to follow
Happiness is ripped away
In just one second

Back and fourth
Inside the mind
Like a scale
With the heavier
Always falling to the bottom

The positive wants to be there
But the rest wont allow it
It seems like it is showing
But in reality
That is the mask

The feeling of lonliness
Cannot be shooken
No matter the strength used

He just wants to feel belonged
But life is quick to show
The others that are
While keeping him in the dark

we tried to find solace
in unknown deepness--
warmth & respite, ignored
in favor of stranger, atypical strides.

the sounds made sense at first,
then didn't.

imagine asking a question you never want answered,
posture straight and ears turned sideways,
cupped in hand,
yet deafened by sadness.

we weren't going to work,
but only time could tell us no
so firmly we stopped denying it.

where to begin

there is so much ******* pain
lined up inside me
like layers of skin
i have layers of pain

so much unsorted trauma
lying in my chest, mind, heart
my soul
it aches for growth, but
i am still figuring out the trauma part

i am not who i am born into
i am not the things that have happened to me
i am not the people who have hurt me

i am Me
i am my Self
I am Grace
i am strong

i have been hurt
but the weight of the pain has become
too heavy to drag around
i must dump the body

the body of trauma that lay inside me
fare ******* well

i am not required to forgive you
and for now i cannot
for you have sinned much more,
far, far, far more than forgiveness could erase

ten fold
i hope the horrible
terrible
evil
things you’ve committed

i hope they come down raining
ten fold
on your stupid ******* head
since you don’t get the picture

and here i will sit
while you writhe in suffering
disowning your evilness
rather than facing it head on
swords up
cutting through the thick disgust

but you ******* cower
like the ******* you are
you feel no remorse
you find pleasure in the pain of others
and for that
let bygones be bygones

i trust.
for your troubles are out of my hands
the things you’ve done to me
they are out of my hands
i will try to forgive,
oh but i will never ******* forget

i fill my hands with what i deserve
i fill my hands with love
i fill my hands with abundance
i fill my hands with peace

i let you go now
you no longer have a place in my life
holding on much longer will not suffice

Against the backdrop of a global catastrophe
witness us busying to fix the natural damage
heavily wrought
an endeavour in itself,
which ought to warrant respect
and the gift of time and patience

Our blood and sweat
a human resource
gladly spent to rebuild the detriment,
but not at any cost
not kamikaze squadrons
dashed upon the decks of a false progress

For each of us as batteries
are finite
and our spark will drain,
our light will die
unless the blinkered
see that trying is enough
for now

When foundations are rebuilt, safe
and feet feel steady
we will readily head skywards again

You can't do anything without the right thought.

Buddy, ole boy, or girl.

Doesn't that make too much sense,
you'll be unable to do a thing -
unless - unless you get hit by a train
a ******* void needs to land right inside of you.

A mystical being is coming for your mind,
and they are cracking skulls.
All in the prayer, that you'll figure out
that nothing from nothing is NOTHING.
Think something - think.

Beg, gravel, google
(The word is grovel, Google told me that.)

Drugs aren't words,
Netflix is inspiration,
Twitter can be a placebo,
and these can be your infinity.

Jokes pre 2000.
Memes post colonization.
Capture. Hold. Choke. Make a house pet.
Loved, but no companionship.
A corner, house plant, no sunshine necessary.

Agree with me.
or not,
I'd rather You struggle.

At least that way.
You'll fight to have your own thoughts.