I hold the girl
I want to be
Trapped between
Lines
Of poetry.

I can't seem to catch my breath
it's always one step ahead
Slipping through the cracks of the walls
whilst I'm stuck to the floor.
My thoughts dance around and around,
summoning the rain cloud that looms above my head.
I want to get better but I don't see how
as my eyes have added a constant filter to the world,
allowing me only to see the bad.
I wish that someone could come and save me from myself.

I lie beneath the tides and pray for the waves to wash me away. But they do not.

I’m stuck - anchored to the sand by the weight of my sins. My responsibilities are my penance.

I call out for help in my misery but no one can hear. My tears are dissolved; insignificant in the sea of saltwater all around me.

Here is where I will wait- a prison of my own design- the bars forged of loneliness and sorrow; guilt and debt - yearning for the day when you will pull me out to the blissful peace of the deep.

23OCT2019

If I ever get out of this cage,
I'll move so far away,
they'll never see me again.
I dream of a great migration,
now trapped,
forced to suffer flagellation.
These chains that hold me in place
will be the same to shape a noose.
Infinity has never felt so long.
I say my last goodbye with the words,
"So long."

In the ocean I picture an easier world
Keep me locked in a cage
You once told me I wasn't good enough
How am I supposed to find the key
Around my cage you forced me to build bricks
Now no one can free my escape
Tears burn my tired eyes

I feel trapped
Confined in this media hellstorm
How easy it is to numb out
To drown out these thoughts
These feelings
These aspects of myself
Under the static of technology
I just want to exist and to
Connect with myself again
And yet I keep tuning in
To tune it all out
I dont even like what im watching
I dont enjoy doing this over and over again
It feels so compulsive
So uncontrollable that
I want to just sell my TV
Return to a dumb phone again
Rid myself of these technological terrors
Because for some reason
I can't just walk away
And I can feel the clocks ticking
As these precious moments are wasting away
And slipping through my fingertips

"If you're so good with words, then be a writer"
They said
"It'll be a good release for you"
They said
Sure, it's all fun and games until you actually crack open your chest and pour out whats inside on white pages, now stained forever with the black ink of the cruelty of one's own mind.

She hugs like an octopus
Long, slim limbs
Wrapping around
With surprising force
Until fully bound
Too late to react
You are trapped
By her love