Fluted cap dripping skull matter thin as blood
as ice, as milk,
we sat rotting in the sun
alone and pretending we werent
lest we be left out again
not again, my lover
my motherly carer my sister my brother
please see that the first to die does so
in the other's arms
corrupt and corroded beyond
ae looking glass charm.

The night floats through the day
    as
Sun skins the dirt underfoot
  and a whole winter seeps
our morphine stasis,
    planted cosmically in place
   forever and ever for a day,my love that I must one day forget
    
that one day must die as the earth dies as i must

     only to be reborn as we dreamt

In the cold ashen season where coal
   lines the cracks along our wall.
Heavenly July days that seem so far a way.

You gathered my thoughts,nirvana shepherdess
   that shed lively shards of grass over formica;
You held me warm as the flies peeled my skin,
    budding me close warm enough to make the needed death
feel not so drastic, feel calmer than words could express.

Persuaded in masses
To control the population
We’re all a predicament
Of the same situation

Born into captivity
To think that we’re free
Living through eyes
That are too blind to see

I never once felt so trapped
              till i came back to my cage
With a door that never open
               Where the dark never fades
And the fear never ends

They say they understand
that i can leave when i please
that im free


     What kind of lie is that

Do you even see me?

The constant frown that will never
turn upside down
not without my Angel
That cant touch me

How could you understand this
The fear
It suffocates me
***** the air out of my lungs
how much longer till i die here

Im tired of being afraid
Afraid you will ban me from my Angel
From my school
From my life
What i worked so hard to mold into what i want

Im getting so close
And you want to destroy it
Its not finished
Its not pretty now
But soon it will beautiful
smooth
and straight

Soon
         I wont feel the need to stray from path
                               The need to find the love i seek
                                                   To enjoy this short life
                                                                ­              To Feel


Dont worry
Soon
I will be fixed
You wont have to worry about
Me misbehaving
Breaking your rules

Soon my legs will rust to a stop
So i cant run anymore
From your constant desire
to protect me
When you are the one putting me in danger
from what i have to do
to learn

But dont worry
soon enough
I will stop
No more banging again the bars
screaming
im almost done
Dont worry

You’ve got me locked up in this cage
My mouth full of dirt, my heart full of rage
I’ve been beggin n’ pleadin, won’t you let me go
The veins so tight, they’re gonna blow
You pick me up, then push me down
Hold me under, until I drown
I don’t understand the reasons why
You clip my wings, then demand I fly
You’ve got me nailed to your cross
A load to carry, when I feel so lost
I never know which way to turn
You stoke my flame, then watch me burn
The fare you serve, so sticky sweet
You fill my plate, but won’t let me eat
You light a candle, just out of reach
Is there a lesson, you’re tryin’ to teach?
I don’t know why, you love these chains
Like a man on fire, a heart deranged
Bound and gagged, seems the only way
To keep your angry beasts at bay
I’m a prisoner of your wild desires
…Trapped inside a lustful fire
You want to have, but not to hold
I’ve never felt…a fire as cold
Baby, baby, why can’t you see
What this torment does to me
Don’t you feel the loss of my decay
I’m a broken sparrow, trapped in a cage

Everything is nothing
And nothing’s what it seems
For every step we’re taking’s
In another hidden dream

Reality is fading
As our conscious remains blind
We cannot see how quickly
We’re running out of time

We catch up to the future
Just to find out it’s the past
And wake up into bodies
That were never made to last

Trapped in programmed minds
Defined by infinite conclusions
We’re eternal living mysteries
Of chaos and confusion

But tell me are you scared?
Or is it just because you’re blind?
You’re looking for the answers
Through eyes you cannot find

Your soul already knows the things
Your brains don’t want to hear
Because the truth of our reality
Can be a recipe for fear

And it’s incomprehensible
The details left to find
For we cannot begin to process
The depth of our design

So we sit here drowned in wonder
By a world that makes no sense  
If existence is eternal
What happens when this one ends?

I guess we’ll never know
What we weren’t made to understand
So we continue searching endlessly  
And do so as we’re planned

On this never ending roller coaster
That can never be rewound   
It’s hard to find the answers
If they weren’t made to be found

A hollowed tree
Like the air in a haze of silence
Like a sunflower seed in the palm of your hand
Like a child anticipating Christmas morning

It starts faster than you’re prepared for
At first you’re falling
Terrified, uncontrolled, holding your breath
Eyes closed
Wind whistling past you
You’re shaking
Now you’re screaming
Thrilled
Heart racing
Teeth bared
You’re smiling now
As you catch yourself
Adhering to a branch
Swinging from side to side
Weaving through everything in your way
Intertwining with yourself
Braiding your own silk
Don’t stop for a moment
If anyone saw you they’d tell you to slow down
But you don’t know how
You’ve given up control of your body
You’re the creator
And the follower
Constructing your own masterpiece
Nothing
Else
Exists
Time is a fictional concept
The world is a cloud of fog
And you have never seen more clearly
The patterns dancing before you
Growing in magnitude and detail
And it’s exquisite
You hear the murmurs as people walk past
Admiring your quilted work of art
It’s all that’s ever mattered
It’s all that ever will matter
Past, present, future, as one

Now for the first moment
You take a breath
Proud
Relaxed
Content
Lucky to have been given this talent
Satisfied with your efforts
Blessed to be a part of something so great
So breath-taking
Twists of sweet silk wrap around you
Intertwined with your self-made comfort
Wrapped in your blanket of security
Tangled in your thoughts of happiness
Gum on the soles of your feet
Captivated by your own distractions
Bound by your expectations
Smothered by the necessity of love
Glue on the tips of your fingers
Trapped by the need for control
Suffocated by your pride
Choking on the admiration
Rubber bands constricting your neck
Bound by the fear of change
Knotted by the unwanted consistency
Imprisoned by your own design

Your legs strapped, unable to move
Your hands cemented to the transparent rope
Tightening around your wrists
Your hair becomes the sheer silk
Your clothes are now tangled twine
Encompassing the entirety of your body
Adhering to your ankles
Strangling your neck
Drowning your thoughts
Suffocating your free will
Vision blurs
World dulls
Sounds muffle
Struggling only weakens you
So you become stone
Paralyzed
Unable to move
Unable to breathe
Unable to find the motivation
The purpose
The drive
You once had
You’ve lost possession of your worth
Surrounded by beauty
Your stomach remains an empty glass jar

Suddenly
You’re swept
You’re spinning
Unwinding
Out of control
Trying to grasp onto a thread
Something recognizable
Reaching to hold on
Arms flailing
Hummingbird heart
As everything you’ve ever known disappears
Ripped apart
Torn to shreds
Every
Detail
Destroyed
And you’re left
Alone
Dangling
Gasping for air
Controlled by the wind
A single thread
Cinched to your leg
Dragging along
The crushed dream of what once was
Ache lingers
Birds flutter
Ants scurry
And you’re left stranded
Abandoned by your past
Unable to begin again

Like the air in a muddy cloud of noise
Like a sunflower dehydrated to a crisp
Like a hopeless child, brought to reality

Until one day
It will snap
And you will be nothing again