i would have thought the universe spat in my face
while getting gas after leaving your place
caught up in a brief interval of violent downpour
living in the shadow of shelter built for me
clouds drool for several minutes afterwards
i am dry beneath manmade canopies
you are stretching across the sky
free from conformity
fondling with branches dangling loose
jealousy writhes in my sturdy upbringing
if it were not for my pact with the universe
i would have taken this as a sign to leave
how infatuated trees are with you
how the sky cries for you
how roots untangle themselves for you
but i understand that when sun showers occur
the universe is with me more than ever
tangling herself with my emotions
bright and weeping
all at once
colliding in ways that neglect to care for one another
you are too fearful of things you cannot see
unknown territory primarily causing you concern
i drive miles for you on a daily basis in the dark
but what is distance if you have the sky at your fingertips
grasping for what is left of your horizon
i am merely stuck admiring sunrises for the time being
until the storm passes in front of me
unfaltering repetition in your unsteady breath at night
beauty held inconsistently in consistent
chaos

inherently i understand that i am enough
but i wish i wasn't as easily disposable
as most people make me out to be
my time equating to nothing more than a block
hiding in corners to protect my back
fearful of concealed knives and sweet smiles
i wish for nothing more than visible venom
please conceal yourself clearly in a syringe
fill my veins with nothing more than permanence
a certain vacancy awaits your half-hearted arrival
during my downfalls into despair
crying alone under the eye of the moon
poison of my own choosing infiltrates my lungs
some nights my liver as well
weighing down what you toss in the air so freely
hoping for something concrete to return to your hands
but forgetting that gravity has its' own laws
no matter how much alteration we convince ourselves
we are capable of
prayer does not tie together loose ends
hope does not resolve hostility
i cannot mold myself to easily accept authentic feelings
anymore than you can do to reject that
of your own

tell me how you want me to love you
in the ways you cannot love yourself enough
pressing my ear closer to your mattress
restless under your pillowcase
my teeth become something disposable by morning
your mouth begs to be fed before sunrise
lips parting for stale air between lulls in our interactions
as if saying something could make me breathe easier
knowing i will respond before i simply can't
i am expectant in the ways you clear my lungs
before lying in the bed you've made for us
tell me again how you want me to love you
in the ways i cannot love myself
to fill a void made for no one in particular
folding corners of my blanket back over each other
there is safekeeping in barricading thread count
fingers numb from pressing us together for too long
losing my grip on what reality i have succumbed myself to
tell me again how i have done this to myself
in the ways of tolerating your recklessness
pillows becoming somewhat of a buffer
for noise that concerns the neighbor at night
what good will yelling do if your body constantly screams
shouting for someone who left awhile ago
slipping out of your window at night
tell me how you want me to leave
in the ways you cannot tell me to
too afraid to make noise in a silent ballet
tiptoeing around uncomfortable conversations
dancing over select words in exchange
with the rhythm of my accelerated heartbeat
listening

Cherry on top
Cherry on bottom
My heart is sinking
Straight to the bottom
The crickets say
They are ashamed of me
And the mosquitos take their aim at me
Cherries are crushed
No longer sweet
Rotten and bitter
False retreat
Writing at night
Gives me strange thoughts
Cherry on bottom
Cherry on top
Outside
At night
Is messing
With my mind

Like a pine tree
Standing firm and free
On a windy mountain top
For all to see
Such is the feel of wealth

Like a sunrise
Filling mountain skies
Causing doubts to calmly drop
And hopes to rise
Such is the feel of wealth

Like a good friend
On whom you depend
Helping untamed fears to stop
Until you mend
Such is the feel of wealth

From among the mountains,
A road to climb beyond the heavens above, is starlit,
A bridge of stars connects the sky, where no darkening clouds even dare to reach this scenery, yet my vision is clouded, for I cannot grasp the events of what is occuring undearneath me,
If this earth were to shake I am sure I would be unaware of it,
Until I were to step down from this wondrous dream of an illusion without any pain or hardship, a mirage of a lifeless landscape,
Air so thin it takes your breath, silently, relentlessly,
Trees embrace the mountainside alike a span of green sleeves,
I am sure, the noise of life is what is embracing me once I am at the lowest point, as the scent of blooming flowers spreads throughout the land, though the sunshine might be taken away by the sky if I stay,
So I chose a life in isolation, taking my own voice to watch the prideful light of the morning glow warm my lonesome skin,
Unheard and unseen by anyone, only because of the fear;
That rainclouds could wash away what little happiness I fathom,
Yet, the price for such foolishness deemed itself too high,
As I lost vision, of what else is beautiful,
The cycle of life.

~ Umi