Names are funny.

Have you ever wondered what your name would be if your parents didn't name you?

I'm one of the lucky few
that know.

If my parents didn't name me,
my name would be
Timothy.

You see, apparently,
when two people love each other,
Mommy cheats on Donny
with daddy and all three
demonize the baby.

Unfortunately,
abortion isn't an option.
Poor Donny believes
his little Johnson
made a tiny Willie
but really
it's Mike's Rick.
The trick wasn't revealed
until
Donny signed the birth certificate.

Obviously, Karen's husband abandoned their family.
Mike ripped his love from her and gave it to Dominique.

Karen,
twice-scorned,
mid-divorce,
postpartum,
decides a shelter isn't suitable for a nameless infant.

At this point, it's a little too late for abortion.
Nowhere to go,
knowing she can't stay,
Adoption became the practical option.


The noxious auction caused a nauseous reaction to her conscious. Karen picked the option, least pompus, with the most promise. An intuitively honest Christian was brought to her room so she could sign the synopsis.


As she's reviewing the terms of this blood oath, she glances at both of the parents cradling her second baby boy. They turn and ask


"What is his name?"

"I don't know. I thought he was going to be a she so I had the name Sade."


"That's ok, we have a perfect name in mind. Timothy."

You met her.
As a girl growing up to be curious,
Growing up always asking question
And the only way to satisfy them
Is to put on your backpack,
Loaded with extravagant will,
And go on to an epic adventure
To get answers.
Every single time.
As a girl who only have herself to cry on--
As a girl who only have her shadow as a bestfriend--
As a girl who only have herself who listens--
Meeting someone who understands overwhelmed.
You're alike in so many ways.
The hardships over people that surrounds you.
Every kind of friend.
Every expectation.
Every pressure.
Every relative.
The kind of person that--
You only utter a phrase,
She then said a cuss
Because she can relate.
She understood.
The darkness of your minds.
The secrets you shared.
The forbidden things you did.
And being with her is just like having your home.
A haven you can run to.
To offer comfort.
To offer tranquility.
Then you never have to be alone again.
She loved you.
And you loved her.
But you can't be with her.
The restraint was within you.
Your principles.
Your dreams--
Well, your parents' dreams that had become yours.
You wanted to be wed,
Be a mother of five.
Not necessarily in an enormous parish.
A court will do.
With the judge-- who was your classmate on college.
You just wanted to be married.
You wanted to see your mother,
Painted crimson lips.
In her Cheshire cat grin.
In her new ivory terno.
With all her wrinkles showing.
You wanted to see your father,
Teary-eyed.
Sober yet proud.
You wanted to see your brother.
Busy yet composed.
You want those pretty niece,
Dressed in cute lacey gowns.
Hairs tied with colorful ponytails.
You want your nephews be in tiny checkered polo.
Tucked in.
Hairs made up.
In their micro sunglasses.
You wanted to see your cousins,
Piled by the banquet.
In their silk gowns.
Made up faces.
Curled hairs.
In heeled-shoes.
You wanted the sound of clanging utensils.
You wanted the bills on wedding gown,
And suit.
You wanted to open massive gift boxes.
It's not just the festivity.
It is what it symbolizes.
The unified clan.
The peaceful celebration.
All smiling.
Offering hands.
No one raises her nose
Because someone's a teacher.
Someone's a school principal.
Someone's a nurse.
Someone's an accountant.
Someone is someone's manager.
And someone's just a farmer.
Someone's just a DH.
Someone's just a housekeeper,
With two siblings on gradeschool and no father.
You wanted all of these on your wedding day,
And all those five baptism.
And all of those won't happen if you choose her.

I carry my mother’s words like a prayer
I memorise them like a mantra
Because when people don’t speak words do
her Words are thicker than water

Listen.
I know you've lived longer
Than my short quarter century life.
I know you've seen more,
Done more, loved more,
Touched more, tasted more,
Experienced more things than i.
I know you're only trying to help.
I appreciate the giving of advice.
I know you mean well
When you say it's time to give them up,
It's time to move on,
To be my own person,
To learn to live for only myself.
But you haven't lived through
The total decimation of your family.
You haven't watched as the lives
Of your loved ones fall into utter ruin
One by one.
You weren't relegated to helpless paralysis
By the fear that you'd lose them all
And by the depression that came with knowing
You couldn't even help yourself.
You don't know what it feels like
To have the dagger of abandonment,
The shattered shards of broken hearts,
The pinpoint needles of disillusionment,
The three-pronged fork of misunderstanding,
****** into your soul over and over
By every lemon life throws your way.
You don't know what it is to stand
On the brink of death
Because if you don't have them,
You have nothing.
You still have your family.
All intact and whole.
So don't begrudge me
My clutching, grasping, clinging attempts
At keeping what remnants of a family I have
Together.
I will not let them go
Until they have to be pried
From my dead hands.
And even then, I will still be loyal.

*They are all i have.

It’s like I’m chasing my dreams; barely moving, in slow motion. Stuck behind my own thoughts; too much commotion. Haters hating; my thoughts, their self-promotion. Got me, forcing my own hand; dealing with all these emotions. Learnt that; Love is pain, mixed together; a strong potion. People buying love;  turns out, the people around you; will surround you to crown and ring you- claim to fame, use the same to bring shame to your name too. One wrong move; they check you in; under the deck, and bury your mate too. Blood thicker than water, paper trumps the two. Everything comes with a price; the cost they expect it to be; You. So don’t trust people, whose nature is to consume; it's will be your doom.There’s no telling what they will do. The people that you love the most – have a different point of view; the closer they are; the more they assume; the quicker they are to move. Killing you over nothing; I know – I’m so confused.  Eventually, the truth bleeds through; warranted, your heart breaks too; Part two. Set the stakes too high, your right hand guy, will turn on you. Leaving you wide open; your back with an open-view. Those dollar bills, In God we Trust; one hell of a bluff- spending as we lust; because enough is never enough. Life is tough; Friend or foe; their all the same when **** happens; so it’s all good until the going get rough, then being good ain't good enough.