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Francesca 20h
If I let you read my poems,
      I let you guide into my soul,
Flourished by my deepest thoughts,
      Ways in which I do not tell the world,
Yet, my words have such meaning,
       Such song in the heart.

And if I let you read my poems,
        I let you read a new me,
A chapter that began too long ago,
       As I drift into a lingering sadness,
Writing my way into therapy.  

When I let you read my poems,
        Don't shout to help me,
These poems are quite, subtle to be,
         Silent, yet so loud underneath,
What is it that lies beneath?

And when I let you read my poems,
I have given you my wrenching soul,
Etching to be free,
Connections lie between the lines,
Even when you dont understand, listen to me.

So when I let you read my poems,
I want you to wonder to the world of me,
Watch my soul freeing with relief,
To know that someone knows the hideous parts of me,
That the world will never see.
layla 7d
Days spent inpatient
Couldn't save me from me
Years spent in treatment
Failing to set me free
Dozens of medications
Just to be told it's BPD
Hundreds of coping mechanisms
Yet you still won't believe
I've worn myself out trying
To fight for a release.
cope or die is what is really comes down to, but no amount of "coping" will erase a life's worth of trauma.
Emma Dec 14
she plucks, she plucks at her hair,
strand by strand, a fragile theft-
a slow unraveling,
a soft dismembering of self.
each root sings a dirge,
a tiny funeral for what she cannot keep.

She cuts, she cuts, into her wrist,
a meticulous surgeon of her own undoing.
the blade hums red hymns,
and the skin parts like filling pages,
secrets written in her blood,
whispering scarlet truths no one bothers to read.

her soul, a cathedral gutted by fire,
its hollow ribs aching for hymns,
the sanctuary she never entered.
she craves her momma's love
like a starving fox craves the moon-
sharp-toothed, bitter, unreachable.

she cries, she cries,
a monsoon of broken rivers.
the sobs scissor the air,
chopping breaths into pieces
too small to sew,
too jagged to swallow.
she drowns in her own storm,
pulling at the loose threads
of forgiveness,
at the ghost of closure
that slips from her grasp,
vanishing into the darkness.

chopped breaths,
chopped hope,
chopped forgiveness,
chopped closure.
letting the bad feelings out
Kaiden Lewis Dec 12
Another year, another therapist.
Beginning at the age of 7 and not stopping ever since
Each therapist stealing a bit of my trust
Soon i start making up people to not just stay quiet

Scared of exposing my secrets
The failed attempts in achieving perfection
Or at least what 12 year old me thought was perfection.
The addictions, thoughts, experiences

All locked inside me
To only come out to strangers passing by
And taking the information with them
Keeping their mouths shut.
Tomorrow i'll go to yet another therapist, i probably wont tell her anything tho
no, i was not a poet then
because i glazed upon my skin
and saw it as paper i could easily cut.

no, i was also not an artist then
because i painted over my scars,
hoping to become a work of art.

yet, i bear the title of a poet
and wear the badge of an artist,
for indeed, i am a poet and an artist,
but far from the spectrum that society
has manipulated and stapled into your head.

therefore, i'm only human-
one that has always been a work of art,
and a luscious garden of poetry at heart.
i am simply a nuclear fusion
of calmness and chaos,
with a spark of uniqueness.

@boonthemoonluv
i pour all that is left of me into poetry
until i become too much for words to bear,
too much for my therapist to endure,
and too damaged for medications to repair.

so, i metamorphose into an artist
to reach for my 6B graphite pencil,
and let my storming rage of agony and anger
crawl across the pages
towards those who promised to keep me safe and sound,
only to leave me trembling in fear on the ground;
towards those who offered reassurance i never asked for,
only to walk out of my life and say that i was just being unreasonable;
and towards those i welcomed into my life,
only to have them slam the door in my face again and again
.
once i have sketched out my fiends,
clawing at the child in me i could not fight for,
all i could do was scream in silence
as i helplessly watched them take her childhood away from her.

i've metamorphosed, not into an artist,
but into someone filled with so much wrath and doubt.

i wonder if i will i ever look at myself in the mirror
without screaming at the sight of the hidden scars
across my face and body.

and i wonder if i will ever taste the kind of love
that is built, not on power as a means of possession, or merely to satisfy oneself, but on compassion, acceptance, and mutual respect.

@boonthemoonluv
Chloe Dec 9
Please don’t look at me,
now I feel naked
And I would hate it
If I never saw you again

It has taken me
somewhere vacant
and I can’t find
my way home

I feel a shade
jaded
when I’m walking
in the storm
Apathy is a killer of children;
Oh great poisonous snake
Don’t you have any compassion?
Apathy is a killer of children;
Anna, Steve, Sebastian,
Will you make it to the kingdom?
Selfish preservation persists
From the inside of each one of your lips
But was it the times that did this?

Or was it the trauma of your siblings both getting arrested
And when your dad started calling your mom a *****?
Or was it the fact that your dad runs the ******* off Kirk
And you spend your days there watching women strip?
Or was it the fact that your older brother dealt drugs
And it was easy enough to get him to give you some,
And now it’s common practice to smoke **** at your house,
And when you feel numb you let yourself bleed out?
Or was that your parents never parented you
And they let you do whatever you wanted to do,
So at eight R-rated movies were nothing that new
And you watched ****** and ****** like daily cartoons.
And where were your parents when this happened to your hearts?
Oh right, they were screaming and yelling till you fell apart
And then doing the same things that they bruised you for
And then eventually not caring if you did them some more!

Was it your parents?
Was it their parents?
Was it this cycle?
Who can bear it?
Who can we blame?
Who will make the claim?
Who can you place all our burdens on and then walk away?
I can’t bear the weight
I can’t bear the weight
I can’t bear the weight
I can’t bear the weight
We can’t bear the weight
We can’t bear the weight
We can’t bear the weight
We can’t bear the weight!

And who’s going to stop and care about Sophie,
Not unstable enough to try to **** herself
But she’s feeling confused and she’s  feeling lowly
And she hopes she can have better mental health,
But the hospital will only make sure she’s calmed down
And her mom and her grandma won’t help her figure it out
And she’s been hurt from therapy and is afraid to go back
To a stranger who’s just there for a paycheck and that’s that!
Who’s hands will stay and hold all her blood
When it trickles down her arms from all her poorly hidden cuts!
Who has her blood on her hands, who is to blame
When her mom kicks down the door and screams her name:

“Sophie I’m sorry!”

Name the killer of children,
Can you name the killer of children?
Is there anyone specific
Who taught them to do this?
Name the killer of children.
Can you name the killer of children?
Was it their parents?
Was it this cycle?
Was it this world?
Was it their idols?
Name the killer of children.
Can you name the killer of children?
If anyone causes these little ones to stumble
Let them be tied to a millstone, drowning deep in open waters!
Can you name the killer of children?
Or do you have at least a spot to bury them in?
Sit across the psychologist,
and wait as they assess how to fix you.

Ignore the persistent buzzing from the ceiling, keyboard clacking,
box of what seems to be sedatives - just in case this goes wrong.

Pretend that you're having friendly conversation,
all while insides fail and you wonder if you'll make it to the end.

Tell them all the deepest darkest secrets,
those that you wouldn't dare whisper even to yourself at night.

Notice how they watch you with a critical eye,
picking you apart and laying out the pieces of yourself.

Don't flinch as they crudely collect the most painful parts,
for that just shows that theres still some left in you.

Don't whimper in grief as they discard of these ragged fragments,
dropping in a solution of escitalopram and hollow affirmations.

Don't notice how this left you with was an empty sort of numbness,
it's just apart of the process.

Don't tell them that of the shards still left wounds,
because it'll scar over and heal in (a long long interminable) time.

Don't mention how you still don't feel okay,
because then you must just be doing it wrong.

Don't tell them how you're still not, and will possibly never be okay,
Don't tell them that those shards are only growing,
Don't tell them that you're empty,
Don't tell them that you sort of miss the insisting hurt,
Don't tell them how you are simply not capable of being "okay",

because then they'll have to take more drastic measures.
Anything to help you get "better".
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