What if all of this has been for nothing?
What if I’m not meant to be saved?

Peace is something to die for
To dive for
Deep into uncomfortable waters where confrontations swim quickly with sharp teeth of yesteryears hurts, scars and disappointments
To wrestle against the currents of emotional immaturity and pride in the deep and dark abyss of normalcy.

Hiding hurt in plain sight, veiled, covered up like dirt under the carpet so that no one can see the harm that has been done but never reconciled.
The narcissist within you thinks you know the reason behind everything you see or feel, you’ve already figured out a story where you’re justified and as for me, you say I should let it go.
Life is too short to relive old pain.

Your peace is a false god.
Your peace has won no battles , your peace has no scars , your peace is nothing but a curtain that hides the ugliness of human condition that you are not emotionally mature enough to process.
Your peace is the absence of conflict.
My peace is its resolve.
To stitch the wound
To mend the heart
To soothe the soul
Again, to start
Anew, with you to know you deeply,
To love you deeply.
If life is so short, then why are we waiting
To start again

8 years of therapy
therapist after therapist
nothing worked
I gained all the skills I needed
at psych wards
I never used the tools given
from the psych wards
but today is the day
therapy is not helpful
for me
but I will write my new beginnings
use the skills
do research
take my meds
and heal
I will do it by myself
because I have learned
that I am the only person
that I can rely on

You have wrecked my mind
Made me overthink, to no end
Smashed my positivity to pieces
And worst of all, destroyed my happiness!

You have wrecked my mind
Only pointed out flaws, never appreciated
The pains I have taken, in order to change
And ultimately, trapped me in a cage!!

You have wrecked my mind
You may think you are kind
However, I know you are not
Your hurtful words say a lot!!

You have wrecked my mind
I hope you realise the damage you did
However, as a very close cousin of mine says
I am a fighter always
And though I may not yet have won
It is only a matter of time before I win
And you will not get any credit
Because, it will be through my own effort!!

Voice notes of a friend,
borrowed advice—
from their therapist,
in-the-flesh and
certified.
I assure them I’m fine.
I do well enough,
with my second-hand
therapy and AI advice
“The future is here”
And most days,
It suffices.

In the afternoon
Below a grey blue sky
I hear the chatter
Of the magpies.
And they talk in bird talk
In words unknown to me
As they bob their little heads
By the amaltas tree.
Glad I am to hear them
I listen carefully
Happy to be in their -
wondrous company

Sun is setting but this time of year it stays hot through the night
So skip your bed and come with me
Let's explore let's ignore responsibility
Whole worlds counting on us simultaneously not giving a ****
Sun is ******* coming up making us spend that buck
I can't tell you what the future holds but I know
We'll be solid floating through life as we know it
The chosen ones we can no longer ignore it

She repeats patterns she learned from home.
She is blinded by her actions.
Justifying what happened.
She’s the hurt one,
not them.
She knows the answers.
No one listens.
That’s her truth.
People leave.
They don’t agree.
She’s alone,
Saying, why me?
Until the pain is too great to change,
She’ll see herself as a victim,
and continue living the same.
Isolated.

I have to heal my inner wounds.
I have to face reality.
I contributed to this relationship. (Mess)
I feel remorse.
I am ashamed.
I’m ready to start,
and face my inner pain.
In time I see,
I am at peace.
Thank you, me,
Thank you for not giving up.