If you think you're
the only boy
to say that,
you are
very
wrong.

so he had my number because we met for tutoring on Wednesdays after class but he would text me really late at night asking me the weirdest stuff i would politely say this is incredibly inappropriate and i would not like to talk like this with you but still around two am he would text me lewd stuff again and again then asking if i would go on a date i said dude i am old enough to be your mother imagine if
a guy
          received texts
          like that
                    from a girl
                                  insisting to do ****** stuff BUT
he
would
have
liked
it.

It's 1:00 am on Friday night after we've hung out for the second time this week
Not for the first time, I open my phone to a 150 word text explaining that my words chaffed you the wrong way and you were not pleased with me
The problem is that this time I was not feeling love for myself
Today I felt ****** and then you made me feel like a ****** person
Two different things
I feel ****** because lately my life has been on pause and I've merely been existing instead of living
I feel ****** because I no longer find the joy in simple things
I feel ****** because I'm both alone and lonely and I feel shut out by the world
It's 1:05 am on Friday night after we've hung out for the second time this week
and I've just finished reading your text for the fifth time while contemplating a response and that's when I started to feel something
I feel like a ****** person because I forgot that you have the tendency to overthink and overanalyze every word ever said to you while I have the tendency to underthink and under-analyze my thoughts
I feel like a ****** person because, at my lowest point, I opened 150-word text highlighting all the flaws in my personality
I'm happy and sad about your way of expressing yourself
Happy because of the level of comfort in our relationship that you feel the need to give me a performance review.
Sad because as I read this and know you expect change
Sad because I sit here knowing I failed you
Sad because I feel ****** 200 days out of the year and on those days, the extra effort just eludes me
Sad because I don't know if our friendship can survive on such a forced diet
And when it withers, I'll know it was me and I'm sorry for the inevitable.

I miss you
all this day
but I can't show it
by just telling you from a latenight text
or by just saying it in front of you
or doing something for you
because you will not read it, aren't you?
you will not hear it, aren't you?
and you will not assume it, aren't you?

because basically,
you really don't care about my feelings anymore.

/f.r/

Your voice is beautiful
i hope the words resounded
when they were spoken from
the creation's origin.  

a loud murmur of my heart snap-snapping
to the poetry slam we share between us.

I miss you
backspace
I still think about you
backspace
I'm sorry
backspace
I love you
backspace
backspace
backspace
hi
enter

-eleven­

We spent two weeks texting each other
Upon those weeks
We only saw each other twice.
The first time I met you,
My heart fluttered
I love you so much
I always wanted to say this to you.
You held my hand so tightly
As if I was your world.
Your soft warm gentle kisses,
Made me fall in love with you even more.
After the first day was over,
I wouldn't think you would text me back.
But you did.
You loved spending time with me,
That you wanted to meet the next Saturday.
Every single day
We texted looking forward to each day.
Your good mornings
You calling me baby
You ending up missing me when I take a nap
I love the smallest things about you
My feelings for you
Only grew.
Saturday came along.
We met again.
We kissed.
We had ***.
And we kissed again.
I told you that I was falling for you really hard.
You only said "That's okay."
For the first time,
I finally told you that I loved you even though my heart was racing fast.
"I love you too."
With those words, I felt safe.
I felt complete with you.
Our day together was perfect.
Even just the quiet car rides,
was perfect with you.
It was that until you parked into my house to drop me off.
I looked at your eyes.
Those hazel eyes were full of sadness.
I couldn't wrap my head what you were thinking.
I could only give you a kiss.
A kiss that I knew, would be our last.
A kiss that I wish that was longer.
Wish you were mine.