picture this: you’re a child and nations are tumbling down around you like dominoes.

your mother tells you it will be okay because your nation is like no other and you think: she’s either naïve, or she’s lying.

(it’s probably the former because she’s much happier than you and you’re a child who has yet to see enough shades of blue.)

this is why she’s wrong:
you’re a child and you don’t learn about the world wars of the twentieth century because you live in a city that predates any and all gods; in the cradle of civilisation, and your history textbooks are full of summarised stories about hundreds of kingdoms that have risen and fallen right here, beneath your feet.

and that is why you’re not naïve:
who is to say that your nation is like no other when the city you live in is still an enigma, built on the ruins of seven cities that shared her name, like the same phoenix burning over and over and rising again and again, in a constant state of death and rebirth? humanity is ephemeral, so its cradle and its deathbed might as well be one and the same.

nations are tumbling down around you like dominoes. they call it spring and you know it’s coming for you, and it arrives before winter dies. it’s the shortest winter you live.




now picture this: you’re a child. flashbacks. nightmares. the name of god can trigger a panic attack.

you skip fridays at school until schools decide to make fridays and sundays weekends, and saturdays are school days stuck in the middle.

(you’re always stuck in the middle. you haven’t seen enough shades of blue but you know it’s better than all the grey.)

(every time a dog barks, you know shells will fall, and every time a bomb goes off, you know the pressure will reach you before the sound, and every explosion is followed immediately by another so the ones who rush in to help are the ones who will die next. you’re just a child, though, and you’ll always be stuck at home, being grey.)

your mother is naïve until she starts listening to you —

she’s upset you spend too much time online because she doesn’t want you to escape but only in your head.

“live with us,” she says, and you know she wants you to stay because there’s a list of names of those who left. (you envy them because your humanity is ephemeral and they’re now immortal, unlike this city and every heartbeat within its walls.)








finally, picture this: picture the loneliness of invisibility and the ache of exhaustion in your lung after you scream for hours. no one sees, and no one hears. no one cares. and sometimes, you’re too tired to care too. can you blame yourself? you’re a child. you’re a child and nations are tumbling around you like dominoes and all you can think is let the whole world burn down. sometimes you’re as naïve as your mother and all you can think is we will rise again. we always do.

picture this: you’re a child. no one cares because people like you are just meant to suffer. only people like you. the world isn’t fair. they will remember you, though, as collateral damage, and they will honour your fleeting presence on this earth by writing movies about the horrible few months their soldiers have spent in your lifeless desert before coming home with flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks triggered by the name of a god they’ll never meet, and wrinkles you don’t know if you’ll live long enough to have.

(it’s okay, you convince yourself.
you want immortality, and sometimes this means you have to die young.
deep down, you know it means you just don’t want to die at all.
and what do you know of death, anyway? you’re just a child and you can’t tell apart grey from blue.)

~
Waiting for the reassemblage
One light will do
Bright things come to confusion

What pushed us together?
The love underneath conflict's thumb?
Winter kept us warm
Her face soft as sleep

With wakened eyes
With wakened hands
You quiet me
On these nightingale floors
In small explosions
that are yours to keep

I can’t remember how
we made love, but I remember
the colors we made together

It is in the shelter
Of each other that we live
~

Shame on that country as future history will show
what it had done to the world as it began to grow;
ignoring those standards of international laws
going about its own business unmindful of flaws.

Many of the other countries it shared borders with
had complaints to make against it that were in a pith;
related to its intentions towards them that seemed
to be hostile beyond those they apparently deemed.

The global community began to be alarmed
when that country's military build-up was armed
and ready to take on any other State around
that so tried to restrict it from gaining further ground.

Regarding itself as having gained the upper hand
in the area around most of the sea and land;
ready to defend its own interests and portion
by building fortifications as a precaution.

Together with a pandemic started on its shores
and allowed to spread abroad before closing its doors
hesitating to inform the world of the virus
that was going to infect people and to harm thus.

Done for economic and strategic advantage
as the virus has spread all over the worldly stage
pushing most countries into a recession these days
being reminiscent of old times the past displays.

It seems that the ball started rolling at the end of
a trade war between it and the U.S.A. to shove
that country and any other out of the way and
to show it also really had Trump's winning card hand.

One of its main objectives was to just gain Taiwan
an island country near its shores as part of its plan
having similar ethnicity but different
in political ideology it was bent.

The tables have been turning against it for a while
as the world now looks on at the extent of its guile
for those countries that've been affected will decide
what actions to take in curbing this rogue nation's stride.

A worst case scenario would be another war
if too many thresholds for either side slam a door
into each one of their faces as they'll test the throng
and spy on what the other's doing in case it's wrong.

In order to avoid such a dire confrontation
both sides must employ high level communication
in the field of diplomacy where it's most concerned
to resolve all those issues so the world won't be burned.

The situation above may remind us about
those preceding years of the second world war to flout
that mankind doesn't need to go down this road again
unless our life and survival on earth we disdain.
________

To survive one must
observe discipline in life
regardless of wealth
____

It's a miracle that when I hit the proverbial wall I didn't split my skull right up the middle and spill it all
Not able to gain full control, a factual portrayal of self betrayal as usual
Once beautiful, evidence of it not admissible, miserable and hypocritical
A little dysfunctional don't ya know
All the scars that don't show are what slow the normal flow
Out of my mind cause its inhabitable, so I turn to a radical but experimental cure that'll baffle the medical field because its all hypothetical
What if I didn't hear my call to greatness or maybe I just dropped the ball
I could make a voodoo doll and place him at the finish line so I could win after all

Instead...

My fall hit terminal velocity before I stained the city streets and still survived impossibly
Low visibility so there's no way to see what's right here in front of me
All the money in the world couldn't put humpty dumpty or me together again indefinitely
They just don't have the technology to put me back the way I otta be
There's a high probability that I live in a realm of impossibly
To actually believe that I could ever be a normal man in this society is lunacy
But do I even want to be a part of this idiocracy? I mean really
But it's easy to get lost at sea, holding on so desperately to a buoy as the waves that represent the calamity of life pummel me savagely
No key to the shackles that bind me
I'll be lucky if luck ever finds me
Try not to give a **** but life always reminds me
So I gouge out my eyes to permanently not see

Now...

It's only darkness as I regress to a familiar residence
A yellow envelope taped to the door, no more light access, only dark witnessed at this address
Under constant duress from the excess stress and an abundance of B.S.
The absences of a conscience is the best plan to make it easier but I must confess
That this chess game is at a stale mate, zero progress
I don't even know what progress feels like, seems like I only digress
But I still obsess over a success that will never be reached due to being far to careless
Nevertheless, I continue the process even though I don't possess any finesse
Like a bull in a China shop, I make a mess of everything with nothing but my presence
So in essence you could make a case that my existence here, by every measure, pointless
And you might be right, at the very least it's a good guess

©2018

No matter
what might be
going on in your life
if you are still here
you are stronger
than it...

You call this living, I call it survival, no more pretending that everyone's equal
If all y'all get this undeserved label of special it's disgraceful
It's wasteful not wonderful 'cause that means no one is special
Just a single shape stencil, a number two if you will, but is it poo or pencil
Either way sign below and hand over the soul and no one will get hurt until maybe tomorrow
I find it probable that you could choke on the blue and overdose on the red pill
Let's go ahead and change the slogan from "We the People" to "We the Sheeple
'Cause look the spectacle, they're herding this flock of bigotry and evil straight to the steeple
It's obvious that what they claim to matter is not brain but rather *****
Hopeful it'll go unnoticed that the boat's always had a hole, the cover up comical
No intention to fix it though, not that it's impossible, it's just that their main goal has never been to be helpful
It's shameful but we're still expected to accept all their bull shiit and be eternally grateful
Grateful?! Hell no, I find it hard to be civil with these simple, bottom of the barrel, garbage pail people
I watch every good for nothing stereotypical imbecile as they revel in just how little they know about anything useful
Shiit, I myself didn't know it was possible to set a bar so low with the refusal to even try and meet somewhere in the middle
But they're always able to fall back on denial, hiding behind the iron sights of a rifle, running orange hate straight up the flag pole
A don't tread on me disciple with their own personal motto on signature apparel, backing a shadow government tribunal
Half occupying a big tent revival, hatting on a manufactured rival just 'cause some *** hat, ******* said so
Grab your personal blind fold at the door before going in to read the vile pages of the bible
Trying to convince yourself that it's gospel but if that's true you'd have to accept, then adapt to having a black soul
Deep down you already know it's an undeniable abysmal circus clown shiit show
What good is having ample evidence if no one's held accountable, even as we sit at the one millionth example
We're all banging our heads against this wall like a judge swinging his gavel
Now is the time to bail on this nauseating carousel, any hesitation could be futile, not a worth while gamble
All the while each illegitimate man child in power hasn't told a single truth in a long while
They have the gal to stand in front of a pile of the gullible and lie through a smile
And the onlookers soak up this bile as a little dribble of spittle appears as the listeners brain looses signal
But for them thinking isn't critical, calling forth the tribulations of revaluations while skipping the trial
Forgetting that back when you were just a child you were told not to judge, but a god complex is your desired style
Doing the unthinkable has become a profitable ritual, asking for help now treated as rhetorical
Historical failures on a global level, the leaders themselves are the perpetual obstacle
Only allowed to live so they can make money on your funeral, basic human needs shouldn't be treated as charitable
The fix is simple enough to get through even the thick skull of a dude-bro, so you'd think it'd be achievable
But our voice is rarely heard, a subtle mic cut before we're able get out anything that resembles a rebuttal
So we're stuck getting fuucked in this government funded brothel running out of the basement of a hostel designated as the capital
They profess they aren't responsible for the struggle brought on by the fallacies they try and juggle
How is this legal? It's gone on this way for so long that it's no longer seen as a scandal, just business as usual
Every word hypocritical, right and wrong indistinguishable, as our bill of rights and constitution become controversial
There's never been a time in history this hasn't been factual which also means getting out might not be truly achievable

Welcome to the show, pick a row and grab a seat, let's watch the slow burn glow
And here...we...go...

©2022