I remember when I bought my first guitar, I was fourteen years old, my momma said to me "Son, you better get good at this" and I assured I would and that I'd practice every day. I got pretty **** good at it, too. I remember when I was a child in the hospital, suffering from a brain that was telling me to die, my momma came and she brought me some notebooks and some pens, and told me to write it all down, she said "You write down your demons and you keep them in here, so they don't get out, and you write everyday, son." And I did, almost ten years later, I write everyday. A month from now, I'm driving my mother to Baystate Hospital in Springfield to get a portion of her brain removed. She could wake up and have no memory of us, so I guess it's a good thing that she made me write everything down, just in case. I can remind her who she is. She can read about who I am, and my brothers, and my sister. She'll get to read about the times I broke my arm, the time we thought my little brother was missing, but he was just sleeping under some blankets. Maybe I can leave out all of the nasty things I've said to her. Maybe I can leave out how unreasonable I was and how I ran away from her. Maybe I can leave out the part where I signed myself into DSS custody and never told her about it. I may never be able to take them away from myself, but maybe I can take them away from her. Maybe she can read about what a loving family we are, and I can leave out the part about my sisters past drug addiction. Maybe I can leave out the part about my father breaking her heart. Maybe she can learn that we all just love each other and that we're all happy. Maybe we can all finally just be happy.

I
Have
The
Words of
Everlasting

Said
The Surgeon
Who
Died
The Next Morning.

She sits with one leg
Crossed over the other,
Her hair is parted
Off-center,
But not enough to be
Considered a side-part.
Her smile is a little crooked
Because of a surgery she had
Years ago.
Her gait is a little awkward,
Especially when she runs,
And her hips aren't nearly
As wide as her personality.
She has a birth mark that
Most people would not
Say is aesthetically pleasing,
But regardless of her imperfections,
She is perfect to me.

Clamp the red march onward!
Cut the winding trench!
Mask a visage for protection
from the visceral drench.

Light the forge in battle!
Keep the battlefield alive.
Hear the laborious drumbeat
of a heart trying to survive.

Stainless steel and knowledge
in the forge are fired
Gone are human needs -
Death is never tired.

On each second rests a lifespan.
Each minute gambles years.
A surgeon only has two hands
and no mortal fears.

The battle surges forward
as blood is forced right back
from the heart it came from;
a heart still under attack.

Even as the battle ended,
with blood, tears and sweat,
the war raged ever onward,
Death remains a threat.

Every day a battle.
Every life a war.
Against Death and the ethereal
survival is the score.

I'm beginning to wonder if the sensation in my fingers will ever return.
maybe its like writers block.
perhaps only temporary...
but some people can have writers block for years, maybe even a lifetime.

Bilateral broken wrists.
What the **** does that mean?
Day 1:
I woke up in the hospital, my only concern was my precious forty dollar jeans.
"Aaliyah your back is broken."
Day 3:
Post surgery, heavily anesthetized
"Mom I want to be on American Idol."
*starts to sing in the recovery room"
Day 12:
I woke up and couldn't feel my right arm
Oh right they numbed my radial nerve!
It only lasts a few hours the said
Day 13:
My arm was still numb.

Lets, not fail to  mention that I also have my t12 removed and replace somewhere in the middle of all this.
I have several fractures in my lumbar.

Day 14:
I finally went home.

Four weeks later.
I cant feel my fingers.

a rat burrows through my flesh, into my stomach, hiding next to my liver.
they stitch me back up,
send me home with a bottle of placebos.

home alone,
deep into the night,
i feel him crawling and scratching around,
rearranging things,
misplacing my bones and lungs in the process.

i can't exist
without you.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~
1. Take care of your teeth and gums
Brush & floss, everyday (Seriously)
Keep your teeth, if at all possible.
They are your very own precious Ivory.
~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~
2. a. Eat well. Do not deny your body
nourishment. Gals, you will want a nice
set of *****. Trust me...eat.
b, Try to not put on too much extra weight.
(no judgement here) Just that it is very
******* your body. Ridiculously
difficult to lose when you're older.
~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~
3. Love the skin you live within.  Try not to
bake your bareness too long in the sun,
or burn your precious epidermis.
Cleanse, exfoliate. Most of all, drink plenty of water and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize
~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~
4. Hang on to all of your bones.
You will miss them when they are gone
Take care of your hands, neck, hips and knees.
Once your joints wear out, it's a total ******.
~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~
5. Keep movin' and groovin'.
If you stay still too long, you will get stuck
~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~
6. Find the humor in everything. It is there!
All of life's lessons placed before you.
When all else fails, you can laugh about it.
(Trust Me. Your going to need this one)
~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

~Christi Michaels~May 2015~
Copyright © 2015 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved.