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Katie Feb 2015
(i felt a piece shed violently from my heart, onto the floor.
like a tear shedding off a cheek.
it's all for you, love. )
Bridget Jan 2015
My mother’s head had been cut open,
But she had felt the splitting since I was an infant
Crying out from my trundle bed.

Then I was sixteen and still crying out.
Let me explain;
I couldn’t express that I was aching,
So I’d tell them my mother was.

But no one bothered to ask me if she was alright.
A friend of mine told me, frustrated
That people get attention hungry
When the slightest thing goes wrong.

It’s true, I needed attention.
But I don’t know why the word is so hated
Lurched off the tongue like lonely girls aren’t worthy of
Some common human kindness.

That shut me up
So I had nothing to say
Save one dismissive mention
No one bothered to ask me if I was alright.

The worst part is
The splitting feeling didn't go away.
Her pain is worse now
That I am nearly an adult.

The sympathy for my mother vanished
Faster than the money she spent
To lie in a hospital bed,
Wrapped in a paper gown.
The sympathy for me was never there.
This is about my mom's brain surgery
Hospital every year,
then every two.
This fragile heart needs mending,
for it's more than *******.

Two surgeries,
three months
and seven years.
There were so many tears.

My heart is so fragile,
it needs great care.
I will be fine,
as long as it's there.

Aspirin for six months
and probably more when I'm fixed again.
Medicine and hospitals are part of me,
as am I part of them.

I was born this way,
though I wish it weren't true.
It was merely a mistake,
or was I the accident?

"I don't mind hospitals."
It's a partial lie.
They seem normal to me,
but a screaming child
keeps me awake
when I try to sleep
the beeps away.

Let's take a moment
to appreciate
that we have technology
that keeps my heart awake.

I'm not alone-
I already know.
My mother was there too.
Maybe that's why I'm so askew.

The nurses are nice,
the surgeons are kind.
I just wish the matresses
were a bit softer... (:
Yep, I have a heart condition.
White walls separate me from you
I stare blankly into the magazine
Glancing up at the looming door
That I know you are behind
I just want to knock it down
To get to you
To sneak past these nurses
Sneak past the patients
Sneak past the rules
Because I have found with you and I
There are no rules
I find it funny
That I care about you most
And I am the one trapped out here
Waiting
While they hold your hand
And whisper "it's alright"
Even though it is not
I imagine being next to you
Letting you talk
Shortly about brains
But mostly Harry Potter
You laugh in this scary place
But I know in real life that is not the case
White walls separate me from you again
I miss you
Are you okay
Do you need a blanket
A hug
What is happening in there
Why won't anyone tell me
After all I'm family too...
Yes
I'm family too
But only you see that
You see through the white walls that separate you from me.
3-21-14
Makenzie Marie Dec 2014
They shaved my head
and cut me open
took my skull
and my way of coping
My life had changed
in just a moment
I can't decide
but I might wish I hadn't done it.
I can't play
or practice
I have to be careful.
If I'm not cautious
with my head
I could instantly wind up dead.
My headaches aren't gone
and I'm still dizzy
all you really took
was half my aspirations.
I hadn't much warning
just a surprise.
And when I could easily die
every day is a compromise.
More just had to be taken away
because the last 13 surgeries
hadn't changed my day to day.
It's a brand new world I'm living in
where all my dreams are limited
and they're starting to run thin.
so here you have me
and I'm crying mercy.
six months ago I had a Chiari decompression on my skull. I finally have finished recovery. technically. But sill, my life is limited, and it always will be now. I can't get past that I'm 19 and I feel like I can't do anything. I know it will pass and I will get used to this and accept this with gratitude, but that day hasn't come yet /:
Joey Dec 2014
I lay there after surviving something I thought would **** me,
I’m burrowed deep into my own thoughts and every question I was asked seemed so personal,
I don’t want to be here, why is my soul worth saving?
I even laid there, numb while I was on a drip due to dehydration,
I even laid there numb, while my family cried,
I even laid there numb while the pills were slowly dissolving, shutting down my mind and organs,
Something I had hoped for,

For such a long time.

Why me, why did I survive?
I spent 8 ******* days and 7 ******* nights, surrounded by 4 white walls,
Every colour was so bright, almost as if it was proving to me that I, in fact did not have any light or colour in my life,
While the sombre walls couldn't of been any more empty,
My mind aimlessly wondered through the small crevasses in life, trying to find at least something worth living for,
I even laid in silence, the only time I made a sound,
Was when I was masked with a drug to put me out,
Something that I couldn't have been anymore ecstatic about, while I was being cut open,
Something that happened often, but without gas to numb the pain.

I didn't need numbing.

I woke up from surgery, in more pain than I endured,
Again I was surrounded by 4 white walls,
I shot up from my bed, to then be restrained back and injected with morphine,
I didn't understand why I needed so much numbing,
Couldn't they see?

The layers of my skin were so worn and torn, I couldn't feel a thing!
My heart was so broken and detriment I couldn't feel a thing!
My eyes were so tired, I couldn't see, I couldn't feel a thing!
My lungs were so bruised, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel a thing!

It was my last day, I was finally leaving,
I could finally feel something,
But all I could think about now,
Was morphine.
Becky Littmann Nov 2014
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Or at least that's what is said
But what if your vision is unclear
& your own image is not beauty in your eye
& your self-esteem declines as you get older
You're still ugly in your head
No matter what compliments you hear
& you don't know how to explain your reasons why

Society is to blame
Overly  advertising "skinny" pills or another new diet fad
magazine covers displaying frail & gauntly figures sharing their dieting habit
& there's an unofficial showdown on social media trying to one up your peers
It's become so stupid & lame
People going completely mad
Nothing is being achieved is what I don't get
Unfortunately this will continue on for years

Enhancing your appearance is become quite extreme
Botox filled needles, toxic injections say good-bye wrinkles as well as ****** expression
Button nose or a pointed one, maybe a bump rhinoplasty will quickly fix
Broken, distorted & barely holding on, slowly losing self-esteem
Whatever it takes, anything they can do to receive some positive attention
Showered with empty compliments, their beauty is deceiving & they're covered in lies
**** pumped full of silicone, hard to the touch
Some implanted *** cheeks, now it's massive & anacondas all want to bite
Reality is becoming surreal, dream like hard to decipher the real & fake
A crazed addiction that's just too much
A corrupting epidemic destroying what's right
We need to figure out how to protect the years to come with prevention
Killing this trending fascination of a stupid mistake

We continue to change it, hide it, deny it, maintain it, lie to it, cry at it & accuse it
Everyone has got one, no one is exempt
Year after year it's a bigger obsession
Criticizing & judging what they view is their daily routine
With no plans to quit
Changing their thoughts & mind is something dangerously risky to attempt
Unable to change what they view on their screen
Drifting farther out of any reality
Claiming they're unaware how negativity can quickly poison
In denial that it does any harming
Oblivious to the unraveling image
No longer obtaining any slight speck of your originality
& got caught up in the deadly alluring fascination
For results that were nonexistent
Ridiculously absurd & quite alarming
Side effects include blurred vision, forever tainted thoughts & more unfixable damage

Lost souls, a pointless quest to change what was never wrong
Leaving all those confused & badly broken & a mind almost rotten
A spirit was just no longer there
Emotions shut off & an expressionless face remains
Failing to reach society's idea of "perfection"
Another one gone, that didn't take very long
The light in people's eyes faded & their smiles joined the forgotten
Beyond the looking glass we lost our stare
& our spirit it claims
Nothing is left now but an invisible reflection
Neha D Oct 2014
He doesn't need Intra Ocular Lenses,
To dismember my defenses.
Without a Stethoscope,
He can hear my heart,
He won't have to take an MRI scan,
To know where to start.
He won't need to inject a syringe,
To romantically unhinge,
My every multiplying cell,
Into a palpitating craze.
He won't need a lubricating gel,
To ****** and amaze.
He won't require to operate
Nor investigate,
Me from head to toe,
To plainly know,
That I'm besotted,
my insides knotted,
My better sense clotted,
In deep rooted feeling,
Of immense love.
Tamara Rice Aug 2014
slice me open and climb inside
explore and see what you find
me? you won't see me
deep inside I hide
I come and go with the tide
the pain comes in high
and far back I go to where I reside
I live among the ribs
the heart is my moon
but there's a patch in my ceiling
the blood leaks in
leaving this torn feeling
it used to be made of tin
but then a huge force broke it in
I rebuilt with wood
but it was just no good
so I'm a nomad, I wander
so watch where you step
I might be down yonder
ready to be your last breath
I'll catch you in my trap of death
you can beg and plead
but there is no mercy here
you need to bleed
on your soul I have to feed
you'll disappear with the rest
don't you know this is only a test?
Just wait till he turns up,
just let him show his face.
Will he ever get a lesson
on what not to do to a cat.
Slide toward him
as if unwilling
and ever so slow
on visibly offended paws,
and no leaps or squeals at least to start.
- Wislawa Szymborska
The skin
Folds
The body
Sags
The soul
Remains.

She tasted
Like candy.
But she
Looked like
Plastic.

Fix me
Doctor.
She said
Those words,
As she come
Undone.

She carved
A mask
Out of money,
Out of  misery.

She kicked
And screamed,
At youths door.
But it was gone.

Her face was still,
But her heart was broke.
She looked like plastic.
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