i poured my
h e a r t
out to him that night

we sat for hours talking
until silence found its way
into the big room

he planted a kiss
on my lips
s w e e t
like
strawberries and mint chocolate

tired as the night
we fell sound asleep
until the sun rose
and brightly shined its way
through the curtains

I love waking up next to you
The sunlight dancing on your face

I love your disheveled hair
Which I run my fingers through

I love your hazel eyes gazing up at me
Still not fully awake

I love your quiet voice
As you say good morning

I love your gentle hands
Tracing lines along my back

I love the way you smell
Our scents mixed throughout the night

Most of all, I just love you
And any time we spend together

Another hour
Another day
Another year
What’s my delay?

I waste my youth
To my dismay
Searching for sunlight in the heavy rain

I desperately ransack
Crumpled sheets and pillows
Hunting for you
At any time of day
As the sun glares at me
Shining rays of duty onto
My faded features
And bloodshot eyes

When I can't find you
Sparks bury under my skin
But when I turn
It's just the sunlight
Turning me into liquid wax
My eyes dissolve but
I don't care
They deserve to be punished

You're always out at night
I ring the bell so much
That I get tinnitus
But sacrificing my hearing
Is all for nothing
Because you leave my offering
Bleeding in its temple
The scornful God you are

You want me to use pills
To hunt you down but
I won't satisfy your desires
I know you like a game
But your opponent
Is apathetic towards life
Your worst fear
How can you twist numbness?

So we intertwine
A symbiotic relationship
You need me to have you
To exist as an action
This brinkmanship
Might push me to the edge
But I can live on the brink
Can you?

When the clouds part just a sliver
And the sun is like an echo,
O’er the Earth with light to give her,
To make a ray of sunlight glow.

Angels pass upon the sunbeam,
They carry light from God above,
Our so one ray of light would seem.
With sky awash in aural love.

A point of light from overhead
Expands around us from the gray,
Like a halo upon our head
Adorning us on our dark day.

To see Heaven illuminate,
When all the light has been obscured,
Reminds us that it’s not too late.
The world is sick but can be cured.

somehow,
i always manage to ruin something.
Anything.
Everything.
I wish the things id touch would turn to gold,
instead,
they turn to black.
Everything i love
turning back as if i were never there in the first place,
and i deserve it.
I
used to be so happy
and healthy
and sweet
now i am nothing
but petty
and toxic
and mean
i don't know when
or  how
but something inside of me died
like a flower left in a vase a little too long
i started to wilt away
started to lose my petals one by one
kindness.....
             Joy........
                        self love.......
Leaving me one at a time
and then seemingly
all at once
as if when the last petal fell
I died with it.
I dont know what to do with this carcass
of a girl who once was
except to hold it up
if only
to catch a few final rays of sun.

Little dewdrops on the yellow grass
Shudder slightly in the morning light
As the colors change from blue to white
And I feel the warm sunlight on my face