somehow,
i always manage to ruin something.
Anything.
Everything.
I wish the things id touch would turn to gold,
instead,
they turn to black.
Everything i love
turning back as if i were never there in the first place,
and i deserve it.
I
used to be so happy
and healthy
and sweet
now i am nothing
but petty
and toxic
and mean
i don't know when
or  how
but something inside of me died
like a flower left in a vase a little too long
i started to wilt away
started to lose my petals one by one
kindness.....
             Joy........
                        self love.......
Leaving me one at a time
and then seemingly
all at once
as if when the last petal fell
I died with it.
I dont know what to do with this carcass
of a girl who once was
except to hold it up
if only
to catch a few final rays of sun.

Little dewdrops on the yellow grass
Shudder slightly in the morning light
As the colors change from blue to white
And I feel the warm sunlight on my face

Sunlight shining, rested soul arisen,
Knowing there will be one more day given,
A day, an hour, with love every minute,
There until nightfall, anxiously in it.

Sunlight shining, eyes adjust to the day,
Knowing there will be light showing the way,
Light, love and learning to nourish my soul,
There until nightfall, my faith in control.

Sunlight shining, my best dreams seem less real,
Knowing there will be soft kisses to feel,
Kisses from lips, red with color of hope,
There until nightfall, my kaleidoscope.

Sunlight shining, and days past now feel new,
Knowing there will be renewal with you,
Renewed with life your love is adorning,
There until nightfall, but now good morning.

To let go of the struggle and strife
I wish to spend the rest of my life

Going into the woods
Escaping falsehoods

Dancing in the rains
Freeing myself from all the chains

Watching blue skies
Catching fireflies

Playing with rays of sunlight
Counting stars in the midnight

Admiring the nature
Identifying it as my teacher

To let go of the struggle and strife
I wish to spend the rest of my life

Going into the woods
Escaping falsehoods

Pain is the only thing which is real
It’s hard to find all my wishes are virtual

At that moment
The world was devine
Its battered brittle colors
Shed away
To reveal a shower for gods

The sun shone
So soft and gentle
It carressed my skin
With delicate strands
Of light

The rain fell
A cascade of golden drops
One could only describe
In unmeasurable awe
As a shower for gods

Washing away every fear
No more monsters drew near
And I rested
My hands free
In a shower for gods

It was one of the few miracles
That slipped out of the heavens
For I had cried for help
And the universe gave me
A shower for gods

when there was no muse, I sat in the dull light with you
wasting away were the streets to your door
night as the stamp that said go, we found the sunlight cold
anything that kept us apart was the depths of not
now that I know of another place, another you
we can talk of nothing and not care that it will be nothing
but bliss’ beaming, it’s our something, I’m your dose of thrilling

she looked out from the inside
at the world
rushing by
all the people hurried past
and no one ever smiled
no one had the time
no one had the time
to stop
and look at her
really look at her
why would they look?
she was plain
anyone could see that
with brown eyes and straight brown hair
she had acne on her forehead
her front teeth stuck out a little
anyone could see that
she had a nervous habit of biting her nails
then again all her habits were nervous
but anyone could see that

but she was not plain

she had eyes that melted into honey when she laughed
and turned to a starless night when she cried
sunlight would frame her profile, just to be close to her skin
and when a smile graced her lips
the world held its breath
because look at her
just
look