you won't even look at me in school,
but when I show up unannounced
on Sunday mornings with smoothies,
your mom welcomes me in,
you descend the stairs with your graceful, conservative foxtrot of a gait.
you hug me hello and we laugh about things like normal people.
your dad comes in from the yard work to say hello to me,
ask me where I'm headed to college.
everything is the way it should be but
you won't even look at me in school.

He asks me ‘what’s wrong’
And I was almost stupid enough
To let him in & tell him everything
But I know he does not give a ****
Because he only notices me when I'm naked

Sister, who are you?
I see you day after day playing this game of charades.
I've known you from day one.
I was child number two.
I followed you, you were my peer.
Please don't take this badly, I'm being sincere.

Remember the guy with the mohawk and the piercings?
You don't like to talk about him, I know.
But look back to then, remember yourself at that time. Black haired girl, getting pierced, dark eyed and alone.
Your screaming music piercing our ear drums,
we watched this guy make you dumb.
Just like your man you were hard to stand.

All I want is for you to be yourself.
Be alone for a bit.
See how it works.
Experiment.
Don't fall in love with some worthless guy,
or make friends with the "hippie vibes."
We talk about mom.
I know you don't want to be her.
Make a list of what you guys have in common.
It's a long list, I fear.
Jenny, best friends for a while. Parties!  You guys were wild.
We were happier though, you seemed to have friends.
You guys grew up then.
The parties stopped…well somewhat!
You were dancing to a different tune, making jewelry, smoking ****!
Life was fun for you indeed.
Then, Jenny got pregnant, you were there.
Holding her hand through the scare.
Then you had your own place with Jenny and baby Ben.
You were only twenty-one then!
That's until Jenny went away.
Your first time alone.
What did you do?
You found a man to hold that empty hand.

Please! I want to know! Who are you?
I see you trying to blend in with those around you,
but you, yourself is getting lost.
There is a wall between us,
please knock the wall down.
Your more like a close friend that is always around.
I want to know your hobbies,
your thoughts,
your own opinions,
without the guidance of those whose mind, yours isn't.


Steve.
First of all he was way too old!
It didn't matter though, or so you told.
He wants to move and so do you!
With steve came new hobbies!
Rock climbing is so much Fun!
What were we to do but give in?
Hurry lets buy her gifts!
Rock climbing gear from the legs to the wrists!
But tell me Laura…
after you and steve said your goodbyes…
When was the last time you took a climb?


Jenny's back!
and she brought Dupray!
Dupray?
Dupray?!?!
We hoped.
We prayed.
Please god not Dupray!!!!
Where is Steve? Bring that dude back!
Forever I won't take for granted that worthless rat!
But it's too late…Steve's gone.
"Hi Dupray, so Laura is your new mom?"


Her life is now a long, depressing song.
That annoying song is on repeat I fear.
The biggest moocher of all is living with her.
Laura's life is becoming a nightmare!

So here I am.
The question still lingers…
Right now my sisters name is Dupray…
He is the front she is.
Dupray is the role Laura plays.
Hopefully the story with Dupray will end.
Maybe Laura will fall in love again?
Hopefully with an awesome dude!
I hope she'll have self confidence,
then Laura won't be afraid to be herself for once.
That will be the first time I'll be happy to see Laura conform,
Finally I'll see Laura be herself,
writing her own verses to her own song.
Dancing to her own beat.
No more bowing at the feet of those who are lame.
She'll be better then, I hope.
Laura's life will then be dope.

I wish I could understand
Why you do the things you do
I don’t understand why you have to be so mean
And get so angry over dumb things
I don’t understand why you never think you’re wrong
How do you not second-guess yourself
Are you just that confident
Or just that stupid
I don’t get how you can go from love to hate
In a matter of seconds
I wish I didn’t have to wish I understood you
Why can’t you be the adult for once
You don’t care about anyone but yourself
You only pretend to
But still,
I just wish I knew
Why you do the things you do
Because I’m hoping
Maybe that would make me feel better
About the things you do
And the words you say
But I’m afraid that if I find out
It will only hurt me more
But the fact is
that I will never figure you out
And I’m learning that
Maybe I don’t want to find out
Maybe I don’t want to validate or give a reason for
Someone to be
Such an *******
-{ksf}

everything around me is stupid, stupid.

annie has cut out herself.
(annie has cut a shape for herself out of a sheet of plywood)
annie shelters herself.
(annie is blocking her thoughts out by making use of her skinny forearms)
annie has lost her hands.
(annie is not simply an amputee, she’s also in a deep coma)
annie identifies herself with the ceiling.
(annie is out of the world of the living things)
annie doesn’t feel the rain.
(annie doesn’t feel anything anymore)
annie is under a scrap of cloth.
(annie only sees blots of dripping paint)
annie ended up in a gap.
(annie ended)
annie has stopped counting.
(annie has changed the order of the numbers, randomly)
annie has stopped subsisting.
(annie now needs a thinking subject, to think of herself)
annie doesn’t constitute a movement.
(annie moves by gracious permission of the force of inertia)
annie only perceives the force of gravity.
(annie adheres to the pavement)

annie can’t remember her latest smart thought.