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Mechanical Kira Jan 2017
can you say how you feel?
to shake the head imperceptibly.
please, do not step back.
the zero in the middle of cards.
her hands are trembling, so typical.
i can feel this buzz of colors, like
a crowd in an impressionist painting,
you know what i mean?

same old story.
don’t move.
who’s there?
it’s been a while.
blots of pure color and no identity.
is there anything wrong with what i said?
i turn off the light and dark makes this room smaller.
it’s always a matter of faith.
who are you?
someone in the shadows nods, then sighs and
smiles, full of benevolence.
even smaller.
i need comfort.
you understand when you don’t have to and
you don’t understand anything anyway.
hold the half-moon in the center of your palm.
even more suffocating.
you have all these things to give me and
you keep them all behind you.
same old words.
you never stretch your hands to give them to me.
i say: shreds. what do you think of?
forgive me.
i have never learnt.
i think of the mind.
they go rotten, useless.
i’m sorry.
turn the palm into a treasure chest.
but light makes a sound, right?
you wait so long they become useless.
breathe, you’ll be alright.
to swing, harmonizing the blink of an eye.
i have never learnt, i do my best.
the mind.
you have never listened.
feeling pain, like letting air in.
it doesn’t matter.
i didn’t have to know, see, do.
between myself and i.
to breathe out.
in the absence of friction.
to trace a map of sadness.
Mechanical Kira May 2014
it’s raining and i stand
watching the walls melt down
like make-up from tears
the throat is a canyon
burnt by the wind
the window is closed
it has iron bars
why does there have to be
just one place
just one?
all that is given
should never
be taken back
artificial losses
display cabinets
it’s too late, don’t you see?
abre los ojos
but you have opened them
you are just taking revenge
you just want to
reclaim something
a guarantee
that it’s worthwhile
you must have told yourself
i hope you are happy with the leftovers
for me, not for you
never for you
who take no notice
of the lines i trace
with chalk
and chase me
and take me for granted
and are blind
and want to lock me in
and while you advance
you lose
inviting me to escape
i watch the walls
getting closer
i watch her
erasing them
i watch me
inside the walls
Mechanical Kira May 2014
And it’s not me yet
The one I challenged
In the night of the war
When the sun was
Fluctuating narcotized
And the moon was
Looking away

And I haven’t been
Myself anymore once
That I saw what’s invisible
To the meddlers’

And there was only me
There was only me
To defend the blood
To beat the blood

And it’s not me
To hit replay
It’s not me with the remote control
But a crazy vagabond
An unaware vagabond
Who wiggles
And turns it on
By jumping
Mechanical Kira May 2014
annie has cut out herself.
(annie has cut a shape for herself out of a sheet of plywood)
annie shelters herself.
(annie is blocking her thoughts out by making use of her skinny forearms)
annie has lost her hands.
(annie is not simply an amputee, she’s also in a deep coma)
annie identifies herself with the ceiling.
(annie is out of the world of the living things)
annie doesn’t feel the rain.
(annie doesn’t feel anything anymore)
annie is under a scrap of cloth.
(annie only sees blots of dripping paint)
annie ended up in a gap.
(annie ended)
annie has stopped counting.
(annie has changed the order of the numbers, randomly)
annie has stopped subsisting.
(annie now needs a thinking subject, to think of herself)
annie doesn’t constitute a movement.
(annie moves by gracious permission of the force of inertia)
annie only perceives the force of gravity.
(annie adheres to the pavement)

annie can’t remember her latest smart thought.
Mechanical Kira Apr 2014
Don’t give me what I want.
Give me what I need.
Never surprise me.
Don’t give me more than what I’m expecting.
Just the minimum required not to make me walk away.
Don’t worry: I’m expecting very little.
Keep me waiting.
Don’t forget to switch the light off when you’re gone.
Make sure I’m left in the darkness and in a cold corner.
Tell me everything about the way you feel.
In details.
Make sure I know all about the pain you feel for someone else.
No matter how deep it cuts me, I’m tough.
Please give me a chance to comfort you and make it better.
Let me heal your wounds.
I know you’re alone and you can only rely on me.
For God’s sake, never make me your priority.
Never put me in the center of your world.
We both know who’s the center of your world.
Never change this.
Don’t give me what I want.
Give me what I need to stay in this.
Never surprise me.
Make me feel that I’m invisible to you,
But please
Make sure I survive through this,
Keep me alive
Because you need me.
You especially need me when you’re alone.
Make sure I realize
That I only exist
Because you are heartbroken.
That you called me in your world just to comfort you.
Keep repeating how amazing I am.
I’m your best friend and your nurse.
I’m your guardian angel.
I wouldn’t even be here if you weren’t damaged.
But keep saying that I’m your love,
Keep saying that I’m your girlfriend.
Feel free to use me,
I’m at your disposal
Because I love you.
Give me little in return,
Just the minimum required not to make me walk away.
Keep me hidden in your shadows.
Never show me to the world.
Stay blind to my feelings for you,
Keep thinking that I’m dying ’cause of something else.
Take good care of me when I’m drowning in despair.
Make sure nothing affects my ability to heal you.
Go along with my little wishes.
Never propose something we could do together.
But keep saying yes to whatever I’d like to do with you.
Make sure I feel that you’re only aiming to please me.
Keep me chained to your own chains.
Never let me go.
Lie to me.
Say that your heart is split in two.
Better not to talk about proportions.
Poison me.
Love me when you fear that I’m walking away.
You’re so much sweeter when you’re feeling guilty.
Cut me to the bone.
But never run out of bandages.
Smile softly as you’re repairing the damage you created.
Kiss my fresh wounds.
Keep repeating that you love me.
But never show me love.
Complicate me.
Love me when nobody is around.
But don’t be around when I’m only there for you.
Keep reminding me that you don’t want me,
Never say this openly.
Make sure I understand that you only need me.
Keep repeating that you adore me.
Don’t give yourself to me,
But make sure I think you do.
Keep saving yourself for the one you truly love.
Never treat me bad.
Never abuse me.
Just give the minimum required
Not to make me walk away.
Give me the key to open this cage
But make sure I don’t even wish to leave.
Make sure that I think I’m yours.
Make sure that I’m terrified of losing you.
Marry me if it’s necessary.
Do to me what’s been done to you.
«If you’re going through hell, keep going.»
— Andrew Davidson

«The best way out is always through.»
— Robert Frost
Mechanical Kira Apr 2014
London is a name fixed in the yellow of a post-it
Thinking of Thames pushes the gaze
Somewhere else
In my case to the left, upwards
Acting cool
It’s where I stretch my fingers, where I
Hang on to the linen
[Of memories]

London is my ear lobe that keeps bleeding
Cotton wool pressed by my fingers and
The smell of lime in this room
Tracks of piercings I have never seen
The trail of a scar for you to lick

Of London thinks
My hair that is much too long
London is “Tell me about London that you can’t explain”
And “no more queue to know about Jack?”
A worn out pendant that makes my teeth chatter
But I stand still, you say:
“To a spirit like yours”

Then London
Is squares too narrow
You and I walking, I kissing you
And “I can’t keep you inside here anymore”
And “Maybe I know why I’m so sad”
And “What is that you fear?”
I fear
Of wishing

So if I am London, you
Are Piccadilly and Soho glimpsed from a postcard
The blazing colors, grey prevailing
Rain varnishing the double-deckers
I, saying: “When I’m with you, snow is all around”
“Is it a bad thing?”
“No, it’s not”

And again London catches me sighing
I always hear doors closing
I still feel throats slashed
And “I feel my things are mute on the ground”
And you say: “How small can you be?”
As the doll
Of a doll
Mechanical Kira Apr 2014
(0001) I saw you passing by
Hiding behind a window
I was happy to see you
You weren’t there for me
(0002) Like a lamp in
Full daylight
I was unseen
Now I had to make
Your sky darker
For you to find me again
(0003) My nerves were shot
I didn’t know what to do
With you anymore
(0004) More and more transparent
(0005) You thought that since you had built me
You could now fully dismantle me
(0006) You are growing thorns
(0007) Do not speak
(0008) You taste like plastic &
It’s getting darker
(0009) I’ve been exiled
(0010) Consuming is the process
Of pouring words into you
Letters sliding along the smooth
Surface of the glass that you
Have become; letters
Slowly reach the ground
& Form a small puddle
(0011) You are an answering machine
I am starting to miss the point
(0012) You managed to eradicate me from myself
(0013) I trusted you in the process
(0014) Seeding; filling every single vein of mine with
(0015) You
Are everywhere
(0016) Am I running out of bandages?
(0017) Your words hang from these walls
Like painted phantoms
(0018) Do I still exist?
What have you done to me?
(0019) You are one step away & I can’t move
(0020) You forced me to observe as you unravelled it all
(0021) Feeling uncomfortable inside this wound
(0022) Please stop hiding bombs in every flower you give me
(0023) You keep playing hide & seek
(0024) Your eyes are white and empty as you
Laugh & run - I see you:
Everything is in your hands and
You are always so scared
(0025) I can invest my time better
(0026) Throwing myself in the mastodontic process
Of surgically removing you from my ******* existence
(0027) Whoever said ghosts do not change
Never witnessed the evolution of mine
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