i know you’re stressed
don’t worry about painting your nails messy
tomorrow the purple color that dried on your skin will come off.
it’ll come off a lot easier than off of your nail
don’t worry about being messy

you apologize so much
why do you apologize so much
it’s okay,
you dont need to cry now,
but you can if you really want to

your nails are drying
the color won’t get onto your keyboard,
stop fretting
it will be okay

you’re worried about other things
(i just typed sorry instead of worried, deleted it)
you write well
8 pages total due by monday, 9 am and 2 pm
you can do this
it’s easy to let things slide enough until they build up
i know
Reassurance
you’re a good writer
you’ll finish those 8 pages, *******, but you will

you’re worried about other things
Subconsciously;
distractions
netflix
art
work
music
textin­g
social media, painting your nails

what’s bothering you the most?
what’s making your chest hurt?
what do you wish for?

who are you wishing for?
thinking about this and making yourself ask you about these things is making you type faster
i know
it hurts
i know it hurts

i know

Chill out
Take your meds
Don't worry
Just be normal
Stop stressing out
Talk to someone
You're not okay
You need help
Stop crying
Wake up you're an adult now
Why don't you want help
I want to help you.
Dear people who keep telling me this I honestly am so tired right now. I am trying to please too many people.
But I guess that's all I live for anymore
I live for other people.
So nevermind keep talking
Keep going
Cause I need it.

You've  never felt more self pity
and embarrassment in school until
You've walked down the halls
Eyes brimmed with tears you
fight to hold in all day and the
Inability to tell anyone what's
going on because you know what
Has made you feel this way but
It all is just too much and putting
It in word would force the breath
Out of your lungs and the water out
of your eyes.

My hands tremble from the burden you give me. My time is taken from the burden you bestow upon many. My check is limited from the black coal you hold so dear. I clock in, I clock out. My back aches of misery and advil. I lye on my death bed waiting to realize that today, today I am awake, but far from alive..

Before today,
I spent nights looking at the stars,
and the moon,
knowing that anywhere you were,
you were also looking at the same sky I was.
day after day knowing
that no matter where the stars were in the sky
you saw them too.
No matter where the sun sat,
you were looking too.
Here we are,
almost three months along
and I look at the sky
and all its stars
and regret it all.
Because no matter where you are,
weather you be sober,
or dazed and confused,
strung out,
or stressed out,
behind the windsheild of your jeep
you see the same thing I do
but with through different eyes.

I never thought my mentality could be torn to such an extent.
Worse than the slaps
The shoves
the kicks
the punches

I went in for Joy
I had hope
never thought I could live a life so exhausted

Stress is the word of the day. Every day
But its so overdone
It goes beyond anxiety.
Fear
helplessness

Every cent I earn goes to the family we were supposed to be
creating
Now its all going to the family I wish I could be
deserting

How can I love her when I come home and
“You're a *******”
“Where were you all day?”
“You're a *******”

I'm a *******. I'm a ******* *******.
I'm gone to often, I don't dress nice, always on my phone
have to many **** friends
don't care enough
never clean
smell horrible
can't perform

don't love her enough

Tell me a way to show my love
Tell me
I want to know
because maybe it will get her to stop
maybe it will get her to
be who I told “I do”

It was all mental for a while
I thought when you broke it was like
in half
I didn't know there were
shatters
tears
splits

explosions

My identity was numb by the time she started physically
my friends and family believe the rumors
******* has addicted another husband
I don't have what it takes be a
“real man”

No hope, no reason, no soul
her life
her punching bag
her creativity

Don't tell me women can't physically abuse
they're not dumb
You get punched, slapped, kicked
so you grab her

see you in a year when you get out
she called in and there was marks on
her arms from your hands

now you're the guy who has no pride
I haven't had one for a while
If I did I would have been locked up
two years ago

But I also don't have a me
so its easier
It hurts yes
but I'm in more pain when I think about not being
able to see my boy

I'm getting hyped up on caffiene
and ignoring my problems just
kind of trying to forget about
everything that has happened
and everything that will.

I'm tired of feeling neglected
and turning my head away-
pretending that what you've
been saying hasn't made me
want to just set mysef on fire
and ignore my true desires.

I'm sick of running up into
my bedroom to escape inside
of my virtual worlds to ignore
the lectures my parents have
been screaming to me.

I'm so fed up with the fights
my best friend and I get into
they're pointless and make
me want to turn away but
I truly cannot because she
means too much to me.

I'm saddened and physically
effected by the way I think
and feel about myself. I'm
pretty sure if everyone
somewhat enhanced the way
they acted towards me I'd
simply crack. Shatter. Fall
to the floor in my own tears.
Because I do not deserve
such greatness nor do I
deserve the hate that I've
been recieving.

But maybe they'd be better off
if that were to happen, they
wouldn't have me around to
complain and dump my feelings
everywhere from the drain that
is my mind

The only person that I really
want to stay around for is
someone who I really adore
he is everything to me and
more, in fact I dream about
him a lot which is just lovely
like the smile that he shows
to me in pictures that I hope
will sooner or later become
mine, his, our reality.
He's amazing.

i'm tired of these
black mascara tears
dripping down my face