Change in my pocket,
but no charge in the socket.
That’s where I use to be.
Heavily
lost
in a world that wasn’t mine.
Committing sin and crime,
more than this poems rhyme.
Never did I wish to be
minus 6 feet in pine.
At least,
that’s the lie I’ll stick by.
Hurt every morning. Every night I then cry.
Yet,
back at it again in the AM.
Liquor was certainly quicker and I never
lost
my
buzz,
but thank Godness it was,
because much longer and I would’ve lost my cause.
It was more than shaking paws.
I
was
a
slave.
And, alcohol was my master.
Physically, I always drank faster.
Mentally, there was too much cluster
of
self-pity and self-inflicted misery.
Spiritually………………………………….sick.
I far surpassed being a ****.
Pushed away even the biggest *****.
Sure.
Funny now,
but then. No then.
On the binge, waking up smelling
of Monarch in the park.
Just the thought makes me cringe.
I
Never
Hit
bottom.
I went through it.
You name it, I’ve done it.
Peed my pants in a jail pit.
Sick.
Struck my bestfriend with my mit.
Sick.
Cheated, lied, and stole way more than a little bit.
Sick.
Treated girls by the ease of their ****.
Sick.
Yet.
Yet..
Yet…
Not once, did I think to quit.
Nor, did I think I was fit
to be a respectable man.
But, this life? This current life, was not my plan.
This. This is someone else’s hand.
This is metanoia.
With it,
no more paranoia.
No longer am I better or worse than.
Today, I just am.
I have a god I understand.
I’ve made amends to the fam.
I’ve seen my brother’s band.
I don’t isolate like a clam.
I’ve passed my graduate exam.
I fall asleep without spinning like a fan.
And, this story,
I promise
is no scam.
♫♪I believe in miracles♫♪,
because,
I’m a **** thing.
A girl even accepted my ring,
And I’ll admit,
I’m not perfect.
And as you heard,
I can’t sing.
But today,
I do the next right thing.
I
try
to help others
learn to be brothers,
respect people of all colors,
and to tolerate (yes! tolerate)
even their mothers.
My life is second to none, I finally found fun, and by grace
hopefully, I’m not done.
My acceptance is high and my expectations low.
Today, I even try not to steal the show.
But,
with this flow
I think I’ve found my cause
and that’s
to hear your applause.
J Walt
I prefer this poem as spoken word, it truly captures my story here. For those interested Metanoia is an ancient Greek word meaning "changing one's mind" and is often define as change in one's way of life resulting from penitence or spiritual conversion or a transformative change of heart; especially a spiritual conversion.
