THE STORY IN MY HEAD
(Sounds Of Silence)

Would I have had it any better in life?
Why would it be me?
Why would he hurt me?
He is my Father

Why would he get closer to me?
Why would he unbutton me and tell me not to shout?
and why did I not?
Why did I not tell Mom?

That her husband, my father is not the man he was once
Now, he craves for me, his product,
That he didn't do it just once
but more times that I have even lost count

I am hurt but can only speak to myself
For one word out, is hell
I am fearful not to speak, for he said
DO NOT DARE SAY ANYTHING, or you are gone {dead}

Mom, I am sorry but I each time you inquire,
"Are you feeling fine, Glory?"
I can only say "Yes Ma," a deceiving story;
I can only smile at you

For the man in front
Is not a man
but a beast who feasts
on his own kids.

I fear for my own death to not come at this young age
Perhaps, I can tell only myself this tale
Till when he is of old
and the story can then be told.

I sit by the stream
and listen.
lapping the rocks,
like children's feet
patting across the pavement
on a summer afternoon.
listen–
you can hear the laughter;
little giggles.
jumping and playing
as it flows by.

When the white noise buzzing of the fan is shut off
there is nothing.

No voices.
No music.
No laughter.

Nothing fills the air.

But then the thoughts,
the ones you've tried to bury long ago,
start creeping in.

And you wish for nothing more
then a life boat of sound
to rescue you.

But you just slowly sink
and drown
in the sound of silence.

Thing's that make me uncomfortable:

That feeling when you get mad at me,
because I didn't do the thing, you didn't ask me to do, cause I can't read minds; I'm not your parent.
That tone in your voice when you go off about how unfair the world is, triggered by the slightest setback.
The feeling when I sacrifice all that I am for the sake of your mood and happiness, in vain.
That sound of the exacerbated sigh when I ask you to run an errand, as if I am not also tired.
The pressure of carrying us both on broken legs.
The pit in my chest when I ask your opinion and you say "I don't care," but you actually do care, because whatever choice I make is laced in ridicule.
When you say you're doing something for me but you're just trying to make yourself feel better about doing it for yourself.
When you use my disorder as a justification or excuse, but when I actually need your help you seem burdened and annoyed.
That "okay then" moment when I give you everything you ask for and you take it as if you never wanted it.

Quiet crickets.

Quiet light of moon

Quiet cars along the road
--Go'n be home soon

Quiet AC on too late
Quiet humming charger in the outlet
Quiet bathroom 'cross the hall, water dripping from the faucet

Quiet floors while set'ling in
You're too old for all that whinin'
Quiet creatures awake before the sun
The signals when it's shinin'

Quiet indistinguishable shadow still yet so foreboding
Oh, you're just a pile of clothes that I never got to folding

Quiet drafty window singing with such vigor and such soul
Catch a chill from that night air
Might catch a runny nose

Quiet thoughts-that handsome stranger, worries, deadlines, dreams, 'n stuff
Quiet bedtime playlist streaming
Clearly you were'nt good enough

Quiet poem bursting from me my
Admonition of defeat

quiet quiet.

too much quiet-

quiet, would you let me sleep?

2:46am 8.30.18

I love exploring other genres of music
expanding my music taste is fun
in addition to discovering new artists
but do you ever listen to a couple of new songs and immediately afterward feel like you’ve been listening to the song your whole entire life and just fell out of touch with the song
upon discovering it once again you feel this strange sense of peace and belonging
the strumming of a guitar is so peaceful and calming
I have a couple of songs that I’m fond of
and in my head, I envision the types of songs that during certain scenarios
the songs would be played either at high volume
or at a soft volume, it would be so quiet you could almost hear a pin drop  except in the background the strumming of a guitar would be heard  
For example when life gets too hectic or I’m feeling overwhelmed
just listening to one of these songs
makes me forget about life just for a bit and immerse myself in the melody and the message of the song

As every season holds  it's own description, the feeling  that fall gives  is one in it's own kind.
As the night comes upon us in the early days of fall a soft touch of a cool  breeze to clear your mind.
Here in the south a much welcome time of year.
As our nights get longer, days become shorter, we know Fall is near.
The green leaves of summertime almost turning over night.
The morning dew glistens upon the tree tops shining ever so bright.
You can hear the soft beginning of the leaves falling to the ground,
You can listen close as the animals start to play, walking across fallen leaves making a crackling  sound.
This time of year brings so much more than the falling leafs and cool night air.
The sweet aroma of cotton candy and funnel cakes coming from the Fair.
Children laughing and screaming  as  they ride the carnival rides.
Boyfriend's playing games to win their girlfriend a prize.
Its getting colder As the months of fall come to an end .
We say goodbye for now and prepare for Old Man Winter to begin.

Echoes of crickets
Motors rumble and growl
The night's symphony