how long has it been
where have you gone
was it worth all the grief
being gone for so long
it will never be the same
no matter how hard you try
where have you gone
do you have NO reply
now that you're back
the change is quite clear
you're not who you were
you’re something to fear
what did you do
you were gone so long
what did you see
you really moved on

  Brian Hill -2020 # 56

And even after all, I don’t really know him.
Even after all, I’m not sure, what I feel for him.
If he is my imagination of an amazing boyfriend.
If it’s a crush.
If it’s love.

But I know that there is something about him, something I’m not really sure about.
Something that messes with my feelings.
Something, that I want to get to know.

Maybe this something is the fact, that he has a girlfriend.
Maybe this something is the fact that he treats her well, which confirms my picture, my imagination of him.

But maybe this something is my hope, when he told me, something in their relationship seems to fade, seems to be lost.

Maybe I just like complicated things.
Maybe I just like daydreaming about someone, who doesn’t love me.

Who probably never will.

Maybe this something is the fact, that he won’t disappear out of my head.
When I lay in bed, with my headphones on, I often find myself thinking about him.

Fantasize about dates we will never have.
About a kiss we will never have.
About a future we will never have.

Maybe this something is that these daydreams are stuck in my head, even though he doesn’t even do something…

Maybe this something is the way he is a bit childish.
But in a sweet way.
Maybe it’s the way he’s walking springy when he’s in a good mood and not surrounded of people.
But maybe he’s only like that when he’s with me.

Maybe this something is the fact that he’s not ashamed in front of me.
That he sings along with songs, no matter if it sounds good or not. But maybe he just does this when he’s with me.

Maybe this something is the way he’s trying to make me laugh.
Like when he makes a joke and waits for my reaction.
Or when he moves along with music with the awareness, that it looks funny.
And I think that’s really sweet.  

I mean… he’s such a ******. But it’s sweet.

Maybe this something is his body language.
Maybe it’s the way you can tell how he feels in the way he moves.
If he’s comfortable or if he isn’t. But maybe only I can tell it.

Maybe this something is his humour.
He doesn’t take everything too serious, which is great, because he always relaxes the mood.
Maybe it’s the fact, that he sometimes tries to relax the mood in inappropriate situations.

Maybe this something is his eyes. His hazel eyes.
Maybe it’s the way they look at you.
Maybe it’s the way he winks at me.
It’s attractive but also really cute.

Maybe it’s the fact, that his eyes are telling how he really feels. Maybe it’s the way, that his eyes are the keys to his soul.
You feel like you could touch it.
Maybe it’s the way you could stare into his eyes forever.

But maybe only I could stare into these eyes forever.