I have a killswitch in me
You could call it a failsafe
It happens when you look at me
And tell me that you feel safe
Quickest way to make a coward run
Just tell em that you're counting on em
Everything about love frightens me
Bubbling up the sickening flight in me
Tunnel vision always looking towards the end
Believing even one false move could break me so I don’t even bend
One foot out the door but still pretending I might stay
Set up the pieces I claim the winnings before you even start to play
Roll the dice thinking gotcha now I’ll hide the aces up my sleeve
I lift my tongue and tip my hat make it so **** easy to believe
Knew love was just an innocent still I tossed it to its jail
Locked up my feelings for the life of me I won’t ever post the bail
You think I’m what you want see me glitter think I’m gold
Spray paint my lies with pretty colors fake my warmth to hide what’s cold

Indignant. Can’t rid myself of this feeling.
Anxious. My blood pressure rises to the ceiling.
Risk. Assessing the situation.  Your caustic venom I wager.
Numb. As you unleash your anger.
Undeserving. I am not a whipping post. My sanity’s in danger.
Undone. I unravel, broken, before the one I love most.
Volatile.  With mood swings, your ramblings become more verbose.
Patience. Mine is infinite but wearing thin.
Hypocritical. We find every excuse to hide ourselves in.
Resolve.  I won’t go down without a fight.  
Spent.  My nerves, as I try to make this right.
Vexed. You drag me down to your level with every low blow.
Drowning**.  I am caught in your tempestuous undertow.

Today without question
I placed myself in a glass jar filled with you.
With no way of closing the jar I left the lid undone,
Already beginning to sink
I watched you ooze out, spilling against the sides.
I sat puzzled as I sunk to the bottom.
Reaching watching those familiar parts of you slip through my fingers.
There was no way I could recover the parts of you dripping to the outer bottom of the jar.
Never once did I think to breathe

there are two sides to every story
it took me a long time to see
what i called our story
you called yours.

i'm selfish,
for wanting the eyes of everyone i met
or have yet to meet
to be only on me.

i'm selfish,
i don't want others to rise
because i know it will mark my fall.

i'm selfish,
i know.

but aren't we all?

All I ever wanted
was to be left alone.
The more I ran,
the faster the cockroaches pursued
with their false friendships
and self-serving greed.

A man grows tired, sagged,
and his body slows,
his mind withers,
as death approaches.
This is not from old age,
but from thousands of stabs
delivered by forked tongues
of friends and enemies,
and his women.

As the spirit escapes
and runs
from the madness,
its the soul which finally
has the last laugh
in the darkness,
alone

I need to dance with you and listen to you sing. I need to look at you, and  catch your eye at the exact moment you turn your head and smile at me. You have shown me that magic exists; kindness is not a myth. You, I need to do so many things with you. I need to follow your fingers as they move rhythmically to the tune of the universe. I need to breathe in your effulgent happiness. I need to touch and feel your scalding soul. The sadness that grips you and the darkness that stains your eyes, I need to partake in its lilting stillness. And as you float and stumble, crash and burn through life, I need to be there, pulsing, writhing, drowning in the abyss of wanting you.