What if you thought you meant the world to someone
But all you are is second best -
The one he settled for
For the one he wanted
didn't want him enough

"Do you believe in second chances?",
Sparkled eyes and sincere curiosity.

"No",
I breathed out all of my strength as a single word.

Silenced wrapped upon us like a blanket on a cold winter nights.

"But there's nothing I can do but to keep giving you more than infinite chances anyways."
I whispered with the softest sigh.

"You made me realise believing and loving are of different substances."
The words were spoken through visible falling diamonds and silence.

I was a fool to even think
he can love me the second time
when he already failed
on his first

Sometimes when I'm faced
With a decision I freeze, great..
My Lifes taken to sticks it, and sit it,
At a fork In the road, to wait

For my choice, where's fate?
....cuz so far my choices to date
Is why I'm writing this, fighting it,
Knowing in my past I've made

Decisions causing collisions
Man made damnation,damaging
The way only a master of disaster
Can... With a strategy of calamity

A catastrophe, to make an *** of me
Like I compete VS. tragedy
To see who can cause more horror,. &destruction; but no match for me

Is he, as my demolition savagery
Similar to whenever havocs seen
And as it happens. I'm always like
"Yo..What the F$&@ is happening??!"

Clueless like Alicia silverstone
In the library with a wrench
As Cornel mustard calls her *****
And this is where ration ends

And wanders like it saunters off
topic hoping itll delay or help
Fantasies of **** woman come out
Now I'm a Plummer...hired to help

... But eventually, I'm back held
Forced to be an adult, oh why ..
..forced to pick a road or grow old
And hold stagnant, until I die

Which don't sound so bad, but a dad
Always has to consider
And factor in. to weigh the variable,
In the form of his lil diaper *******

Who really could use a baby sitter
Who is ****,so a ....baby sister
Can be made, but ...focus dont stray
This is no time to joke or play

Eeny-meeny miney moe
Catch a politician by its toe
So you can ask advice, then told:
"It's a gd time to relapse on blow"

Which is only said cuz my head
Controls the imagined figment
Which says nothing except that,my
Heads not where sane thoughts visit

So as I stare at the two paths
I feel debilitated and instead
Of perpetual fear, the thoughts fed
Says no matter which way I head

Ill be left to wonder where I'm lead
If I chose the path, which I did not
When I decide and divide I try the path I now continue so do not

think too much. and yet still
Frozen and paralyzed at a halt  
I stand a man, full of fear, a vault
holding a scared boy full of fault

But Self doubt amplifies as adults
At least for me, so immobile I'm left
Confused by why I'm still undecided
But already feel my choices regret ...

.....  I hope I don't fork myself .....

It hurts so bad to have to always be the second choice. I'm never put first, no matter how hard I try...

The clock has stopped its tock
and it is my heart you've locked
I press rewind just to love you
why don't you love me too?
each second, minute, hour
I want it back again as ours
cause the clock has stopped its tock
and it is my heart only you can unlock

Take with me to Neverland
Here you'll become a never-man
won't grow up, won't get old
but in exchange
you'll loose your soul

The second star to the right
The destination can't be reached by flight
You need a happy thought or two
or else you won't even reach the roof

You're barely soaring
a centimeter over the earth
While I'm having clouds
sticking to my shirt

You can't let go
You're always stuck
Sometimes I ask myself,
when will you have gotten enough

When will you finally
have a breakdown
so I can help you
get back up.

Every single time. Every time I tell myself not to get my hopes up, not to get attached. And every time, I fail anyway. I'm a lover, a fighter, a thinker, a survivor. I don't know what it is. I don't know why being distant is so difficult. I trust no one. I refuse to love. I won't be anything but loyal. I push people away. And I do it on purpose. At least then, I'll know who to blame.
Every time I tell myself: "no, you have too much to lose" "no, he doesn't mean it" "no, you aren't still in love" "no, you aren't going to fall". I'll always prove myself wrong, which in turn, proves my doubts right.

I don't want to be a back up plan, a second choice, an option. I want to be the one and only one on your mind. I want to be a priority. I want to feel loved, know I'm loved. I want loyalty, honesty, integrity.

Yet, every time. I settle.