Just because I'm continuously searching that doesn't mean I'm forever lost.

Time has passed since her body gave up the fight. I still visit her grave and yearn for her sight.

I remember her whisper, soon my soul will take flight.
Among all the stars that burn the brightest of white.

So I stand on my rooftop each and every night. Searching for her essence among the twinkling lights.

Is it mind or heart that craves the touch of love?
Is it born within me or come from God above?

And what fires this lonely burning rising in my soul?
What drives this sense of yearning for things to make me whole?

Why do I always feel half empty and always out of place?
Why when I close my eyes can I discern a feminine shape of face?

Why do I crave to fill these spaces so vast within my heart?
How flawed I truly must be, to be missing clearly, some vital part.

Am I meant to endure and ignore my hearts so empty call?
Or should I simply find a way, to not search for answers here at all?

Used to think that I could move steady but in this never ending  cycle of the same thing has driven my heart into a frenzy of sorrow

And no matter how I look forward to the future of what’s to come it’s the now that I dread

It’s the now that’s making it hard to breath
The now is what hurts

Right Now is me bursting into tears in the shower

Now is me walking around with
A Heavy Heart
A Broken heart
And a Perfect Smile

Now is where I have fall under a never ending stagnant pace
Now  A place where lost resides

And in this Now is Where i Sit
Longing for  Change

Its far more advanced
Than anyone knew
There are holes
You can fall through
And not have a freaking clue

The gap
Is another word
For depression or the blues
It seems my mind
Tears apart what it
Use to use
And makes me think
That I'm being abused
That every answer
To every thought
Is wrong
Pointless
Or incomplete

But on the other hand
It can be a good thing
A thing to use
A canvas
A poem
A way to reach out
To a few

So don't give up hoping
The fog will soon lift
I'm still obbssessed with
Finding my gift
Even through everyday
Chores I find life
A little too boring
But as soon as I start
To pour it seems
The gates start closing

Where is the open door?
What is it im searching for?

I search for galaxies in your eyes
But all I find are the trembling stars
The ones the take you by the hand
Despite all the good and all the bad
And dance with you on the surface of the moon
Until your hand comes reaching out
And you pull me through space and time
Only to find that I’m lost at sea
Searching for your starry sky
But you’ve been here all along
The fire in my soul, the glitter in my lies  
You’re the universe I’m searching to find
And I’m the lost galaxy in your eyes

will i ever find out who i am?
or am i just a hologram?
an experiment in simulation