Skimming stones across the water

All these memories flash before my eyes

Things were good back then.
Now you get under my skin.
Once upon a time you were my everything
all of this has changed 

You and I 
we went our separate ways
now all that I can do

is reminisce about better days
you’re lingering here in dreams
still envision you, standing in front of me
Maybe this will all fade with time
but right now babe,
you’re still here in my mind

Here I am counting all the ways

we let each other down,

how did you just stand there,
you just let me drown,
in all of this pain.
Just sitting in this park, after dark

gazing at all these stars
how could we drift this far apart?
like a river rises,
 I’m flooded with emotions
For you, I was totally devoted
how could you give up on me
When I needed you most
All is lost, my heart is crushed
I lost you in this love

Hey girl, once there was a time

All I wanted was you to be mine,

All of the jealousy in me
Lead me to places, I never thought I would see
It made me become, everything I said I’d never be
I am looking for all the signals 
that lead us to this,

How was this something we couldn’t fix

Wasn’t me who chose it, to be this way.
How could you go lead me astray
Seems you ****** the light right out of me
and all these emotions, I can’t control
all of this hurt, Don’t wanna feel anymore
Make me numb, I don’t want to feel anymore.

Here I am counting all the ways

we let each other down,

how did you just stand there,
you just let me drown,
in all of this pain.
Just sitting in this park, after dark

gazing at all these stars
how could we drift this far apart?
like a river rises, 
I’m flooded with emotions
For you, I was totally devoted
how could you give up on me
When I needed you most
All is lost, my heart is crushed
I lost you in this love

Standing on this ledge

looking over a vast ocean

I could jump at any moment
So I can drown in this emotional ocean

Let the salt sting all these wounds 
that you left upon me
all these scars reveal, the pain you left me in
Can you see it, see this is what you did
Thought we were the perfect two
only to be heartbroken by you
How could an angel, cause this kind of hurt
How could someone I trusted so much
tear me completely apart, shattered and broken

Words that never should have been spoken
Were revealed in conversation

I need to escape this vindication
baby, I’m lost in this confrontation
need my own constellation
just to escape this situation

Here I am counting all the ways

we let each other down,

how did you just stand there,
you just let me drown,
in all of this pain.
Just sitting in this park, after dark

gazing at all these stars
how could we drift this far apart?
like a river rises, 
I’m flooded with emotions
For you, I was totally devoted
how could you give up on me
When I needed you most
All is lost, my heart is crushed
I lost you in this love

©2017 Written By Benji James

I miss the way
You used to sit
On your front lawn
Waiting for me to see you
So that I'd come and talk to you
You were too shy to knock on the door
But your secrets you told me them all
And I miss all the ways
you and I couldn't take our eyes off each other
You had all my attention
I miss that emotional expression

Tell me what happened to us
How did it turn out I wasn't good enough
I think about you every day
Tell do you even think about me?
And every time you were with another guy
The jealousy kicked in
But I couldn't let it show
I just wanted you to be happy

Tell me Baby, baby
Why don't you want me?
Baby, you don't know
What you mean to me
Tell me Baby, baby
Why don't you want me?
You're everything I see
You're everything I need
Hey, hey baby
Why don't you want me?

We haven't talked in so long
And I tried to forget
What you meant to me
But it seems every time I forget
Dreams remind me
Just what you mean to me
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to show you this love
When you're with someone
And all I want to do
Is hold you close beneath
These stars
Your hands fit perfectly in mine
Yeah, baby, you're always
Running on my mind

Tell me what happened to us
How did it turn out I wasn't good enough
I think about you every day
Tell do you even think about me?
And every time you were with another guy
The jealousy kicked in
But I couldn't let it show
I just wanted you to be happy

Tell me Baby, baby
Why don't you want me?
Baby, you don't know
What you mean to me
Tell me Baby, baby
Why don't you want me?
You're everything I see
You're everything I need
Hey, hey baby
Why don't you want me?

Oh honey memories ignite
In my head
while I'm laying in bed
I remember back to conversations that we had
I remember back to every smile every laugh
That we had
I remember every tear that you cried
And every time I had you wrapped in my arms
But there was once where I held you
But you wouldn't hug back
That's when everything
Started to go wrong
And I felt I was losing you more every day
Until I completely lost you one day
I don't wanna relive that again

Tell me what happened to us
How did it turn out I wasn't good enough
I think about you every day
Tell do you even think about me?
And every time you were with another guy
The jealousy kicked in
But I couldn't let it show
I just wanted you to be happy

Tell me Baby, baby
Why don't you want me?
Baby, you don't know
What you mean to me
Tell me Baby, baby
Why don't you want me?
You're everything I see
You're everything I need
Hey, hey  baby
Why don't you want me?

I'm missing you
And how we used to think the other people we'd seen
You didn't think any other girl was good enough for me
And I still don't think any guy is good enough for you
It should have been me who ended up with you
Instead, I guess I lost out
So I have to reminisce in memories you left me with
And I'll just have to deal with it
Just know there is nothing I wouldn't do for you
I'm always gonna be here when you call
I'll be there if you ever need help
getting back up after a fall

Tell me what happened to us
How did it turn out I wasn't good enough
I think about you every day
Tell do you even think about me?
And every time you were with another guy
The jealousy kicked in
But I couldn't let it show
I just wanted you to be happy

Tell me Baby, baby
Why don't you want me?
Baby, you don't know
What you mean to me
Tell me Baby, baby
Why don't you want me?
You're everything I see
You're everything I need
Hey, hey baby
Why don't you want me?

©2017 Written By Benji James

It seemed my mind would rather be preoccupied.

Crushed ice to cool off the burn on my tongue,
heady liqour to sooth the burn in my chest.
Tan lines to replace the once marked skin,
Velvet chokers to replace the pressure,
and new strumming to replace the wailing.

Summer dresses to cover my quivering,
along silver rings to cover the shaking.

Not so unexpectedly I glance a familiar countenance,
so I unravel and everything re-wires.
I'm fighting the studying of coincidences,
but the search is inevitable.

Old tears stain new sheets,
old methods replace new tricks,
and old memories replace new concerns.

Now it seems I haven't put you to bed.
Instead I lie in that bed wondering if you're the same.

10/5/16

he left for the west without a single gesture
or farewell
and I was left with the memories of our pillow talk
and how we spoke of the future straight into the night
at first, we were innocence
a soft peck on my nose
then my cheek
and my mouth which he finally silenced with blissful inquiry
our bedside hello's while holding fractured mugs
and each hour i realized how fleeting adolescence was
scarred by the thrill and demise
i relapsed into your hands
and then the evening and the world i created caved in around me
seconds stood still like fragments of debris in an hourglass
our timeline shaped by an unfortunate call
and we swore to never hold on again
but maybe this last time here in this familiar room with each other was justified
you cried for me in secrecy
because you didn't want to feel weak
we were wrapped in black jackets and strode in black shoes on the first of november
blistering cold
we couldn't feel our hands but we shared a cigarette
each inhale stained with the pigments of my lipstick
and you made it okay
but you left for the west

As I lay I stare
Surrounded by the flowers
Blowing gently in
The tall grass
That waves back and forth
Brushing up against me
Like your skin once did

The slight cool breeze
The sun's perfect heat
A comfort on my eyes
From the clouds in the sky
My silent symphony
The closest synonym

It's the first love's last kiss
The last love's first kiss
The unanticipated memory

It's the happy moments turned into tear stains on my favorite shirt i wore just because i new i was seeing you

It's the first love's last cry
The last love's first cry
The moments we can't forget

It's reminiscing to a time you found out you were depressed because you had never felt true happyness until you met her

You left me with all these memories
The way you stir your coffee
That eyebrow you would raise
Your quiet confidence
Your understated
Elegant style
Your knowing ways
You had me at hello
And now at goodbye
Always and still you amaze

I'm a better man for loving you
A sadder man for losing you
I'm not going through a phase
Just reminiscing, maybe convincing myself
That I'm gonna be OK

Dreams come in two varieties
Those of tomorrow or the other
For me, for us, there is only the past
Why I dream only of yesterday
I have no choice
It just turned out that way

I can almost touch you at times
But when I try, you turn away

He continued to sing sweet ideas of romance into her eager ears and when she finally allowed her heart to flutter and butterflies to dance in her stomach, he would leave. It was a never ending cycle she wished she could stop. But at the end of the day, when she was crying every last tear out of her swollen eyes, she would close them and relive every single memory they’ve had together, allowing her to feel like she was with him, when in fact, she was farther away from him than she ever was.