Butterflies fluttering around
Canoes moving slowly across the subtle waves
Kids laughing and gawking
Bugs flying
Ducks fighting
Families grilling
Couples holding hands
This is relaxation
This is nature

forgive yourself
everyone makes mistakes
it happens
relax
slow down
try again

and although these phrases can come out my mouth
I ache trying to fathom how they can be applied

the air gets cold, my lips turn blue
my insides burn just thinking of You
apprehensive, anxious, angry and stressed
reaching for nothing, extremely depressed

i can see You, but i cannot feel
i can hear You, but i'm not sure it's real

why can't we talk when You're just steps away?
at first You called it love, but we are strangers after today

when i see You, i'll have to press my lips together,
just so a hello doesn't escape
but what if it did, what would You say?
would You run up and hold me?
or just run away

We all face life, at sixty minutes an hour, indefinitely.

*L.G

I don't know if I can feel love anymore.
I know that there's many people who care a lot about me,
but I don't know where the warm fuzzy feeling in my chest went.
I only feel pain.
I only feel my ghosts replace the air in my lungs with poison,
as they curl up inside me, so I can't breathe.

I don't know if I can feel relaxed anymore.
I know there are times where I'm not completely tense,
but I don't know how to relax my shoulders,
because they're always tensed up to protect me.
I only feel anxiety gripping me tighter everyday.
I only feel fuzzy, not in my heart, but in my head.

I don't know what happened to the good feelings,
because all I feel is pain.

It got quiet real fast last night.
Not like usual where the people outside the walls screech until 2am when they finally stumble back to their respective beds.
It must've been too cold for screeching and wandering last night.
Because it got real quiet. Right around 12.

And it was the kind of quiet that makes you both tense and relaxed.
Afraid to move or you'll disturb it, but calm in the middle of it all because silence is rare.
In fact there's no such thing.
Everything makes noise,
When you roll over, the wind, the lone car that drove past, and your breathing.
Especially the breathing.
It's noisy in it's own quiet way just a vital in and out that keeps you alive.

Lungs like attention, they like to be heard.
Even when they're not shouting angry profanities, or cheers, or whispering I love yous...they make their gentle in-out whoosh. Reminding you that you're alive and that's
a splendid and spectacular notion

I grind my teeth
clench my fists
bend my eyebrows
and scream in fits

I inhale slowly
exhale regret
close my eyes
try to forget

I sit and wonder
ponder deeply
contemplate sonder
fade completely

I am not here
nor was i there
I am a desert
barren and bare