~Wonderland~ Christopher Poindexter is AMAZING!!
Message me, if you want. I love talking to and learning more about interesting people. (and of course you're interesting, you're on this website!) 24 followers / 425 words
I don't know if I can feel love anymore. I know that there's many people who care a lot about me, but I don't know where the warm fuzzy feeling in my chest went. I only feel pain. I only feel my ghosts replace the air in my lungs with poison, as they curl up inside me, so I can't breathe.
I don't know if I can feel relaxed anymore. I know there are times where I'm not completely tense, but I don't know how to relax my shoulders, because they're always tensed up to protect me. I only feel anxiety gripping me tighter everyday. I only feel fuzzy, not in my heart, but in my head.
I don't know what happened to the good feelings, because all I feel is pain.
I've had grit in my eyes for so long. I've had sleep stuck in my eyelashes for so long, refusing to sink and rest. This is the kind of grit that I cannot wipe away not the kind of tired I can sleep away. I've so tired for so long. When will it go away? It will go away, right?
I heard you today, calling my name. The first person to give me that nickname I heard it clearly, your voice ringing in the school corridor. I raced around the corner, so desperate to see you. The teasing smile in your voice, like the way you called after me when you wanted my attention, when you wanted to tell me something. I waited, waited for you to say something more. But I realized that you are another person who has forgotten me. The voice wasn't real, but I could swear that it was. You are haunting me, your ghost calling to me. You are stealing my sanity, making me delusional. I'm losing my grip on reality.
It's been nearly a year, and it still hurts. It still hurts so much! It hurts to say your name, you still haunt me as persistently as last year. My ghost, my lovely ghost. I cried so hard last night I couldn't breathe. Doubled over and crouching down gasping for air. Why does it hurt me so much? When it's obvious you're fine. You're so much better off now, but I'm not bitter. I want you to be happy, but I want you to miss me. I want to know that I haven't been forgotten, that our friendship meant something to you. But I know how hard you're trying to erase me from your past. And I can't help but miss you.