What makes me mad,
To see my dad,
Choose escape over me,
Next thing you know,
You see them go,
Smoking another tree.

Getting drunk,
Cause your life stunk,
So depression is the key,
To getting high,
To say goodbye,
To escape reality.

All in all,
I just stall,
And wait for the days to pass,
Multitudes,
That's a mood,
Until I finally crash.

But I am happy,
The world is sappy,
I hope I can escape,
Not through all the drugs,
Through laughter and hugs,
The truth is what I'll take.

Fake happiness fills the air,
Decide to take charge and care,
Of your reality day by day,
May joy and happiness come your way.

No, I don't have writers block
I just felt pressure under the clock
As if there was an audience I have to please
Give me some time to think this through, please
I have not run out of art
I'm just looking into the beat
The blood has not stilled in my heart
I'm just trying to get back up on my feet

I.
I have accepted my fate;
My inability to move, to speak
The fast-paced switching of scenes
Each time I get to blink.

I do understand the gap—
The pressure of compactibility; claustrophobia
Interferance may set you ablaze–
Or so I told myself.

II.
It has always been like this:
An ever-repeating cycle
The blending and molding
Into what I ought to be.

Time became my comfort
As I warmed and accepted change
Pieces of me were scattered
Now, I am complete.

"Elizabeth, you need to open your mind"
"Get out of the house and let yourself unwind"
"See the world for what it is, instead of living in your shell"
"Depression shouldn't define you; I want you to be well”

I am, I am.
Don't you see?
Just Read My ****** Poetry.

My mind is blank
My heart is full
And any sense of direction
Is completely null.

EXPECTATIONS, what are expectations?
It was a 12-letter word that I’ve set as a standard
Where anything way below, acceptance is just too hard
It was the moment I kept myself away from freedom,
Freedom of doing what I want to do
Freedom of not having fun to what I love.

Am I still the person who is willing to win this battle?

Now that I think of it,
Your opinion affects my system as it greatly matters.
I lose self-reliance because our belief prominently differs
Your words direct my capacity into incapability

I lost myself,
I lost my long-term built confidence, just so yours be followed.
I believed I never made the right choice,
The moment your opinion kept the majority’s mind closed.
I was never person I ought to be.
I was blinded by the pressure you form inside me
Letting me consider I wasn’t doing enough,
Luring me into what our society want,
Persuading me that in all things that I do, I can’t.
No, I am not a loser but. . .
I’m tired.
Set by high expectations
Labelled by your opinions
and
Filled by Pressure
Can I survive this battle?
These three just consumed my positivity.
All I have wasn’t enough,
my fighting spirit reached its limit,
I think I’ll be losing the battle.
I think I need to quit.
I quit.

I quit reaching your expectations
I quit on becoming a puppet of your opinion
I quit being a slave of pressure.
I’ll quit just so I could win this battle.

I’ll stand on my own standards and expectations
I’ll do what I think is best for me even though failure would arrive and teach me a lesson
Societal standards are up but I’ll set my own
I’ll be the queen of my freedom, where positivity overflows and life continuously goes on

Your opinion may somewhat matter
But you can’t have the compass to my journey of becoming stronger
I’ll be learning to eliminate
Just for my self-choices could dominate
I’ll turn pressure into power,
Power to survive, power to become better
I will win this battle.
No more expectations,
No insignificant opinion
No more peer-pressure to stop this motion.
No more stops just rest.
Victory is in me, all I have was the best.
I am a quitter on quitting.

SQUEEZED is my brain  so i think nothing like no thing
stitched partly into vengeance and frozen time  Madness
i can hear the poisoning troop of deception cloaked behind
lies calling me
   ooh oh ooh   aah ah aah
so show me ruin  show me evil
show me unsee-able things
i will show you armor
i will show you strength
i will slay you from now
until the very end of time
  some call me nothing
  some call me conscious
  some call me love
I AM HEARTBREAK

:: 10-06-2018 ::

Cheeks flushed,
Heart rushed,
Words pushed
Down our necks

Force fed garbage
We don't want to hear
*******- flowing through our veins
Like mud
Chewing on bitter cud
But we need it,
We need to learn it -
Memorise the words
So white men can put us in
Boxes.
Tick
or
Cross.