The risk of takin' time to begin mendin' a broken and frozen heart is it could stop its natural rhythmic beatin' at any given moment, without adequate warnin'
Matter of fact it's bound to happen like global warmin', that's the only endin' found followin' right on the heels of drownin'
Any other prediction goin' 'round is only white noise background sound of them denyin' and rewritin' facts, specializin' in turnin' backs and bold face lyin'
I constantly find myself suffocatin' in my own skin like it's a plastic bag grippin' my face, compression at the neck, not lettin' air in
Debatin' whether or not to go all in and fight this overpowered and undefeated depression with persistence and medication, maybe some meditation and self reflection
Or should I just go ahead and give in again, puttin' in little to no effort to change the end into somethin' worth strivin' for, will there even be someone there lookin' forward to me arrivin'?
This is not pretend or manipulation, basically I'm forfeitin' due to exhaustion and frustration, handin' over the rains, just givin' my inner demon the win
I'm sick and tired of bein' tired and sick, gettin' beaten, pickin' myself up just to start takin' the walk of shame back to some new beginnin'
Plus, spoiler alert, I already know the final boss battle in this surreal engine is just gonna be against myself, once again
Same as its always been, it's not about to start changin' now, no amount of trainin' or preparation' will stop this from happenin'
Like the programer guy and I are playing a side game of chicken, he's got nothin' to lose, I've already lost everythin' holdin' out for a win that's never comin', never a celebration
I'll die if I don't keep moving 'cause I can see the next hardship comin', it's ******' gainin' on me quickly and I don't have a remedy or solution so, tail between legs, I start runnin'
I'm noticin' the **** selection, nothing good comes from either decision especially if you're plannin' on bringin' logic in as part of the equation, it should help but it's only a complication
And I'm forced to pick a direction without knowin' the destination or what I'll be facin' or what's waitin' for me at the finish lines location
Even without an imagination as dark as mine you can see its a risky expidition with low to no expectation of finishin'
Hope diminishin' past salvation, straight to damnation and a bitter end
Death awaits every person ever born, he's never missed one and I won't be the exception, it's the when I'm questionin', on my knees prayin', shiftin' seamlessly into beggin'
In one hand I could win the battle that's ragin' in between my ears, lord knows I'm tired of listenin'
On the other hand I lose the war, therefore there's no reason for even tryin', no goin' back to the beginnin', no rewindin'
I'm left nursin' a wound that's turned into an infection and its quickly spreadin', entertainin' the thought of idle hand amputation
Don't need to be an open heart surgeon, it's already been broken twice and put on ice, I'll just rip it out then hold it up for all to see before it completely stops pulsatin'
The fixation has never been on fixin' anythin' but rather dodgin' any situation that'll get me lookin' within
Possibly havin' to acknowledge I might not be worth savin', is that me speakin' or my shoulder devil at it again'?
It's gettin' harder and harder to tell the difference, both soundin' the same, the blurred line causes confusin'
I know the notion of what I'm sayin' isn't easy to comprehend much less believe in
And that's the reason why I've bottled every emotion and set them floatin' out in the vast ocean
To keep me from bein' a burden to anyone but one person, you're lookin' at him and I lie and say it's workin'
I don't know what I was thinkin' not takin' this more serious from the beginnin'
It's been ruinin' my life's mission, runnin' up a tab of bad karma that I'm gonna wind up payin'
Stoppin' all forward motion by keepin' me frightened to the point I've given up on fightin'
The results are in and it's unsettlin', I now only seem to be nothin' but a punchin' bag for Satan and his legion
I'm startin' to come undone at the seams and it seems like no one's carin' but I don't know what else I was expectin'
I could've predicted that with precision like I have the ability to be time travelin'
Knowin' for certain what the future is bringin' but I'm just goin' off of every previous lesson that left a lastin' impression
But still not seein' the big picture, fussin' over the small **** like somethin' on the roof of my mouth I can't stop tonguin'
Wastin' precious time that I could've been usin' to at least soften the blow I know is creepin' up, comin' 'round the bend with the collection plate to put my fate in
But again, I can't stop the regression long enough to gain traction, a continuation of my downward trend, market value crashin', free fallin' with no parachute or safety net to protect my noggin
I don't give myself permission to feel anythin' other than self derogation
Sleep deprivation has my dreams fadin', countin' one sheep, two sheep, ****, the rest have gone missin'
I'm left pickin' myself up and dustin' myself off, brushin' my own well bein' to the side, out of sight, out of mind, keep it hidden
All lefts, no right to weigh in even though it's my life my thoughts are playin' with, throwin' caution to the wind
And now that I'm broken beyond repair I get tossed into the compost bin lettin' somethin' else grow from me decomposin'
A form of reincarnation at worst, at best, a place to finally get some much needed rest in'
I'm no longer invested in livin', hell, I'll even sign my own death certificate, give me a pen

©2022

Initially

We rehearsed
How to celebrate
After the win

At the same time
They prepared
How to play better
To win

And your guess is right
What the result is

After the show ends

Deathstar Prince and The Princess of Death


I’ve lived here for eternity, I’ve seen them come and go.
They all smile throughout the summer days,
But hide once winter brings the snow.
Too cold for some, that human bunch,
But I can’t feel a thing.
I am The Bringer of Agony and Death!
I am the Sorrowful, Deathstar Prince!


Such heartsore mist creeps over me
And washes my happiness away.
The night has once more crept upon us,
To bid goodnight to the day.


It’s lonely here inside my heart, whilst she is lonely too.
My Angel of the Bitter Heart,
I see you watching me, as I watch you;
But I saw this ****** death coming,
Since long before you were ever born.
Drawn together forever,
In love’s twisted mind of thorns.
“I shall make you feel each other’s soul,
And then I shall tear them away.”
I’d like to say it all came as a big surprise,
But I’d be lying once again.


Another century passes by; time to get a bride.
The last one didn’t like me much, so I’m afraid she had to die.
Such bitter sweetness to be tasted in her veins.
The body remained perfect;
It’s a shame the same couldn’t be said of the brain.
Next time will be sweeter though, I shall find a star.
My pale white dark love of temptation;
I can see what you truly are.


The She-Devil stands before me, waiting to be wedded in white.
This ***** of the visual ****** sends shivers down my spine.
She draws me into her engulfing buxom; tender loving care.
I draw her into my cold dark world, full of death and despair.


Eternally devouring each other’s love;
This attraction has gone beyond any reasonable version of lust.
It crashes through the sound barrier, it jumps off the chart.
My lust for this woman is greater than,
The love that I have hidden within my heart.


I kneel before my Princess of Death;
She allows me to gaze upon her as I rise to my feet.
My desire cannot be hidden from her eyes,
As we stand breath to breath.
Our lips touch, we fall in love again, as we join the deceased.


The hunt is on for a fresh victim tonight.
Who will find the tastiest blood?  Will it be me or you?
Let’s take our death, to her or him, my bride.
The moon is drawing low now;
It lights up her skin, as pale as the moon.


Hand in hand, we carry the body;
This beautiful damsel in distress.
Her name unknown, her view not asked for;
All we ask of her is death.
Her blood still pumps fresh inside her neck.
She screams; she tries to reason; in vain she doth protest.


I gaze my deadly stare upon her and offer her some pain.
She gladly offers her wrist to me, so I can have a taste.
But my Princess is the only one who can ever truly love me;
For she is my Forever Bride, she is my Everything.


I pity you food, you lack any imagination.
I’ve spent three thousand years, living in damnation;
But death I was able to grasp.
Whilst you struggle and squirm,
Before you’re bitten and collapse.
Your last gasp of air, is replaced with despair,
As we take all your troubles away.
Your deathly stare at my debauchery enslaved,
Lets you realize, how little I care.


(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.