Just when you believed you have reached way passed death, to where you understand all the details in life and all your demons love you, after that calm is over, the storm has just started I have found out. Now you believed you had every ****** tide mapped out, you could pause time and study situations as if you had a god's view of everything.. be able to see past, present, and future.. Life just started to seem so ******* simple.. and humans just seemed so boring.. You would annoy the hell out of the spirit world to just find something that would maybe feed your mind so you could learn something new or even for entertainment.. yet even that was starting to have dead-ends and the picture was so plain.. there had to be more to it.. now to make you happy your tossed in such a complex puzzle that everything is not 1+1.. and you start to believe that it has no meaning and that your just truly in hell.. a never ending void.. of simple problems which normally would be so easy to fix.. but the answers just won't ******* add up.. you do everything like normal, but your feeling so weak, too weak to ever be able to do it.. and you find your true love through all the haze.. but you are so stuck on all this **** you can't seem to figure out anymore.. which seems to be backwards with this world your in now.. and it makes no sense.. yet you haven't come this far despite your issues and the drama to let her slip away.. but now she is starting to not like a single piece of what she fell in-love with.. every moment of all you do is just to make her happy.. yet this world just has its fangs dug deep into your soul that no matter what the drama and stress circles you.. as if it doesn't want you to be happy.. that evil creature wants to take you down and make you look so horrible while doing it that you even start to believe you deserve it for not being strong enough to be yourself.. and with all these cloudy memories you don't even remember who you were.. It is funny as that has always been your goal to be who you once was, striving for your younger godlike self... but now you just wish to have peace and rest, wishing it would end sometimes.. but somehow my heart survived all this and seems so pointless to even have sometimes.. but I still care and love hoping that some of this backwards karma shines a little light on me sometimes.. but **** even if I am in this horrible place lost as **** I still get to make moments with this wonderful girl and her two beautiful daughters..

Open your eyes...
The person you've always dreamed about is there...
Right by your side...
Open your eyes...
Not those on your face...
Open your eyes...
The eyes of your heart...
I know, is not exactly as you imagined...
But that person has what you need...
Open your eyes...

I find it hard to open up
When the times I have, I get shut
Told to get over, deal with the pain
But what if I told you that I'm not the same?

There have been times when my heart burned
Because I pined, because I yearned
A lost love that was but my first
Eaten like acid, removed by hearse

Or times when I wake up and feel so empty
Like why am I here, please just forget me
Open your mind and be released
From the torturous memories that are me

Or times when anger flared up inside
And I dared you to try to hide
I wanted to end you for the lies that you told
For all of the ******* you offered, you sold

But don't forget I get depressed too
And I wondered if I really was something you could lose
If I had the worth, if I meant something
I'd hear sad songs and alone I'd sing

And everything hurts ten times more
Then what ever emotions you've had before
So don't put me down and say I ain't strong
When I've been carrying this burden all along....

Don’t tell me you’re open minded
When you squeeze your eyes shut
At the mere idea that you *might be wrong.

be happy,
be sad,
be excited
just be

learn to love yourself and learn to love the people and things around you
there is so much to live for, i promise you
live for the sleepless nights, live for the long conversations with someone you love

learn to see the beauty in things
not everything is as hopeless as it seems
heartbreak is beautiful, you are beautiful

learn to open yourself up more
people really do want to see that side of you
don’t be ashamed of what you have to offer, or what you don’t

be able to love
be able to hurt
be able to know the difference between something good and something great
you deserve the best

so don’t be afraid to just… *be

how can i
****
drain
erase
you away

when you are the
life
blood
ink
in my veins

You call me when you need me
not because you want me
you say goodbye when you want
not when it suits me

What happened to secrets?
now my life's out in the open

What happened to love?
You gave your heart to another girl
now I am stuck in the dirt
begging at your feet

Do I need to cry myself to sleep?

I will not take this pain
there is no gain
so just let me end it hear
this is my last call
Goodb.. Silence.

To my darlings,

We haven't met, you're only imaginations
but doesn't mean you're any less, your presence is there
And my darlings, my heart is for you.

When we'll meet, the years will present themselves for you
as gifts who'll bring love, tradition, laughter and the odd arguments too
The oldest darling, I'm looking at you.

But as the grey hairs mark me as their own,
these gifts you'll pass to your darlings,
will be precious to you as you to me
but as we'll not meet just yet
My darlings, my imagination will do.