Nightmares. I hate them.
They keep me awake,
They torture me.
They won’t let me wake up.
“Sleep! Sleep!” they say.
“Stay awake! Watch out!” they taunt.
So tired….
I’m falling…it’s so dark.
I grasp air, scramble for a hold.
I find it!
I scrape my hands and hit my leg
The jolt and the pain wakes me again.
I can’t sleep.
It’s not safe in the dark
Ah! I can’t stand the light
Nightmares…******! I hate them!
My dearest, yes, that’s it.
My darling!
My love, he keeps me safe.
He’ll talk to me; comfort!
No, he’s sleeping.
I cannot bother him.
Sleep.
Nightmares.
Falling….
No!
My love…yes, there it is.
He’s so warm, I can feel it now.
Mmm, my darling;
he will not let me fall.
He will always hold on
Despite myself, despite my temper
Despite my rants, despite my antics.
Through all the…the…
Anger!
Frustration!
Overexcitement and
Fear!
Distress and worry!
Paranoia!
**** those nightmares!
I can’t help it.
I’m sorry.
I just….
So much feeling.
I get…
Jumbled.
I get…
Mixed up?
I don’t know
He helps me.
Holds me.
Loves me, even.
How?
I cry and scream,
I back away,
He follows.
I’m sorry.
I just get so jumbled.
He holds me.
I’m so tired…
Sleep, oh sleep….
I close my eyes
And I’m falling.
It’s so dark, hands are grabbing for me.
The light, I want to find it
But I can’t! I’m being
Chased.
******!
Nightmares, I hate them!
Why can’t they be quiet, go away…
SHUT UP!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
I’m so tired
I just
I Get so
Jumbled.
Up and Up and Up
And I can’t stop
I’ll fall.
The light, why is it so bright?
Nightmares, voices, people, monsters
Get away all of you!
No,
Not you.
I need you, don’t go
Please.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean it.
It’s the nightmares
I feel like I’m falling,
Like I’m being chased
These things, they’re everywhere,
And the light, it’s too bright
And I get so jumbled
I can’t help it.
I’m so tired.
“Sleep! Sleep!”
“Stay awake! Watch out!”
Will the taunting ever end?
Darling…wake up….
I can’t wake up.
I’m being chased
I can’t stop, or else
I’ll fall.
The point of this poem (originally written to be a poetic dramatic monologue) is to capture the perspective of someone who suffers from Schizophrenia. Through this I hoped to portray the surreal, jumbled feelings that one may experience as well as the difficulty in distinguishing waking life from dreams. My goal with the ejected sentences was to give the reader the effect of not only detached, desperate thoughts but also of someone running, and falling.
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