I hope tomorrow is better than today. I hope the rain falls more calmly and the stars line up just right. I hope tomorrow love won’t knock me down once I get up again, I hope tomorrow I win the fight. Today I fell down because love pushed me over and crippled me, I was scared to rise again. The kitten embraced me like kittens do and I was able to face the day but, a presence loomed over me, reminding me of the darkness that forced me under the covers of my empty bed. The darkness that kept me tied down underneath the sheets, scared to see what the rest of the day held. I hope tomorrow I can wake up with fixed tea and strudels. I hope tomorrow the sun rises early in the am and the moon falls perfectly under the stars.

It was Monday when it happened, I had no ink in my pen.
I had just sat down and I had to get up again.
I guess I looked upset, someone asked, “Are you okay?”
I said, “I’m fine, it’s nothing,” and went about my day…

It was Tuesday when it happened, my microwave broke.
My food came out mushy and my kitchen filled with smoke.
I guess I looked upset, someone asked, “Are you okay?”
I said, “I’m fine, it’s nothing,” and went about my day…

It was Wednesday when it happened, the sky breathed snow.
I headed outside to shovel as the mounds began to grow.
I guess I looked upset, someone asked, “Are you okay?”
I said, “I’m fine, it’s nothing,” and went about my day…

It was Thursday when it happened, I had too much to drink.
I woke up sore and dizzy, my head too cloudy to think.
I guess I looked upset, someone asked, “Are you okay?”
I said, “I’m fine, it’s nothing,” and went about my day…

It was Friday when it happened, the day I crashed my car.
The air bag crushed my bones; the shattered glass gave me a scar.
I guess I looked upset, someone asked, “Are you okay?”
I said, “I’m fine, it’s nothing,” and went about my day…

It was Saturday when it happened, cancer befriended my aunt.
I visited her in the hospital, bringing balloons and a plant.
I guess I looked upset, someone asked, “Are you okay?”
I said, “I’m fine, it’s nothing,” and went about my day…

It was Sunday when it happened, I had the sweats and chills.
In attempt to fix my temperature, I took too many pills.
I guess I looked upset, someone asked, “Are you okay?”
I said, “I’m fine, it’s nothing,” and that was my last day.

Such a typical rehearsed line . . .
But, I tell myself exactly what to say,
If a stranger ask if I'm okay.
I don't like it when people try to pry,
because I won't open up even if I'm going to cry.
The pain I hold inside is personal to me,
it's too dark and scary for me to let others see.
So to everyone I say , "I'm fine"
yet I know I'm poisoned swine.

I can’t satisfy your lust for a love story.
I can ****** your heart with a hate story.

Sorry, I won’t be able to satisfy your lust for a love story.
I can ****** your heart with a hate story.
A descent into darkness, I was all alone.
Scared, cold and the worst part – everything,
I felt helpless, useless and broken.
The simplest things felt like a marathon.
I went from being unable to breathe to
wishing that was my last breath.
I lost count of how many times I was ready
to walk away. I wanted to die.
Smile? I choked on voiceless screams.
Laugh? I couldn’t feel a single **** thing.
Cry? Can you imagine how sad it is to miss yourself?
I desperately wanted to feel okay.

I wasn’t.
Wish I knew that it was okay to not be okay.

loving you is more like a void inside my chest
and less like the sweet musings you have put to rest.
leaving you is more like a present i did not know i would like
and less like the tears i try to fight.

i did not know letting you go was going to be good for me
or that letting you in was going to be bad
in the moment, leaving you behind seemed like the worst thing to me
but like vines the idea grew on me
until you were no longer the one thing i believed i would always need.
kissing you was fatal
i did it too often
touching you was okay though
although my lungs still screamed caution.
i gave you up when i realized i was fully capable of doing so
i gave you up when i realized you would not even try to fight
for me for me for you for us for me
and probably the best thing i have ever done for myself
is let you go before you dragged me with you on your fairy ride to hell.

loving me is more like a void inside your chest
and less like the sweet musings i have put to rest.
leaving me is more like a present you did not know you would like
and less like the tears you try to fight.

You waste away your day you say
And I will tell you "it's okay"
It's okay to be lazy
(If it doesn't drive you crazy)
Do something that makes you proud
If that means to shrug off the shroud
Then give that shroud a good'n tug
Go outside and unplug
Know that the initial leap is the hardest
Take that chance, try your darnedest
And soon you may come to find
Though we try to occupy the mind
That waste away we all must do
How it happens is up to you
Even the sky at times is blue.