18
What a strange age

Expected to grow up
Expected to change

But there is a problem
With what they request,
I’m not quite done growing
And I’m still quite a mess

They tell me I’m ready
That I have to move on

Won’t somebody tell me
Where my childhood’s gone?

What are these taxes?
Why must I move out?
If I haven’t the money,
Shall I sleep on the ground?

Nobody told me
How to accept
The loss of my childhood
As a normal event

It may not have been nice
And it may not have been good
And I might have been through stuff
That no child should

But I am not ready
To give it all up
To trade for my hours,
Everyday at a job

I don’t know how to fight it
I’m not sure I can

But at least I am finding
The person I am

At 18 I’m growing
And I’ll keep in my hand
That of another me,
The one of my Past

I didn't know what you'd say.
I didn't know what you'd do.
That day l asked
"Will you let me love you?"
With tears falling from your eyes
I wish I could say I was surprised
When you replied
"No"
Even though I already knew,
I had to ask why.
"Why?
Because I refuse to listen to your heart
Break as you watch me die."
My heart's already been broken.
It breaks every time
I walk out that door.
Please, you don't have to suffer alone
Anymore."
You say "it's not fair to you"
As you let your face hide
Behind a curtain of your Auburn hair.
"You're right. It's not fair to me.
Not fair to you. But that's another thing we could share. I love you."
"I love you too."
4 little words made my heart whole.
4 little words, and now she's forever a part of my mind, body, and soul.

You were tiny, when we brought you home.
Just a ball of fluff that we claimed as our own.
You were full of life and happiness
You were no stranger to making a mess!!!
Oh boy we're you naughty, always in trouble!
But that didn't matter, you were part of our bubble.
We watched you grow bigger every day,
Never any doubt, that you were here to stay.
8 years later, it's not really that long!?
It's like you've always been here,
Like the familliar tune of a favourite song.
Two weeks go by, you are not yourself.
Something is wrong, we are trying to help!
It could be this, it could be that, we will figure it out, we will get you back!
You're not eating, you wont get up,
that's not normal, wheres our big pup?
Have a scan, find the problem
Whatever it is we'll find a solution.
One phone call later, from the vet.
Changes everything, we've lost the bet.
It all happened so quickly
This wasn't the plan!!!
Your the ronster monster
Our mundy man.
No "happy bark" greetings as we walk through the door, no tripping over you, as you sleep soundly on the floor.
Feeding time is easier now, almost stress free!
But I'd give up that in a millisecond to have you back here with me!!!!!
I guess it's just down to time now, to make this easier on our hearts.
I just wish we had you here for longer, or could go back to the start!
One thing for sure, you will never be forgotten, we won't let your memory fade away, our naughty ronnii rotten!!!!!

RIP Ronnii, Safeharbour Patrick Swayze. 16/01/2011 to 16/10/2019.

Be safe at rainbow Bridge, until we meet again my giant furry slobber friend.
F. U. Cancer!!!!!!!!

They said
Don’t wear leggings
Or a shirt that shows your cleavage
Because you need to be covered up
You’re a distraction

They said
Don’t use your period as an excuse
For male teachers to let you go to the bathroom
Because you’re not fooling anybody

They said
Don’t shave your head
Boys can
You can’t and don’t
And won’t because we’ll suspend you

They said
Watch the length of your skirt
The color of your hair
The shoes and makeup
The piercings
And they call that fair

They said
Come to us if something is wrong
if you’re feeling bullied
if you feel unsafe
I guess they don’t remember asking my friend and I
if we heard of anyone in our year with suicidal tendencies
They asked us because
We were the sensible ones
The bright ones
We couldn't have been depressed.
I guess they didn’t see my panic
and my hand squeezing my wrist.


Because school
Is not a place
Where you can express who you are
School is not the place where you feel safe
It's a battleground on the outside of your comfort zone.

School isn’t about education
Its a challenge, competition
Its a measurement of your capabilities  

But what if you don't excel?
You’re called out for not being good enough
You're humiliated. Mocked.

You get looked down on
Judged
Embarrassed
And you don’t get your
Degree

As if a degree explains who you are
What you’ve been through
How much you’re worth

As if a degree
Measures the capacity
Of your heart
And your knowledge

And a teacher can share your grade
Make a joke and smirk
Cause they think you’re not worth it

And they can laugh and yell and call your parents
Who don’t think you’re any better.

Because year after year they’ve been led to believe
that you’re easily distracted
that you don’t do what you’re told
that you’re rebellious

Because even if you showed respect to the hypocrisy
That you can't help but notice,
They still won’t understand that you're just fighting
for what you believe is right, for mutual respect.

Because that’s not what you were thought.
You were thought to raise your hand when you want to speak.
And even if you made a valid point
You would still get lectured on putting your hand up when you want to speak.
Discipline put first.

**And that is my definition of school

My mind is in an abyss of oblivion
From not believing what I see
A poet believes
That a word is worth thousand pictures
But some pictures
They are worth thousand nightmares
While I am awake and gasping for words to breathe
I can't imagine how I should feel
When seeing all the things I see
I can't realize what to think
Caught by a tornado of dispair
As helpness as one can be
To survive, one must have a heart of steel
To admit that the pictures are real
But all I manage to say is
It is not fair....

I am knees deep in a quick sand
designed for people like me
by a system that thrives
on a climate of fear
Obtaining knowledge while selling my soul
Profit driven suits,  
splurging words about our rights
and our duties
Camouflaging their own self-interest
Playing monopoly on knowledge
Convincing us,
that chasing that silly piece of paper
is the only option
Concealing the true cost that
comes with knowledge
One most of us will never be able to afford
An ocean of debt,
one I will surely pay until I'm dead
Behold the loophole though,
silver spooned fed mouths
need not sink nor swim
That hollowed shaped silver
holding them high above ground
While the rest of us sink
limb by limb
into a quicksand that was designed for people like us

They said
Don’t wear leggings
Or a shirt that shows your cleavage
Because you need to be covered up
You’re a distraction

They said
Don’t use your period as an excuse
For male teachers to let you go to the bathroom
Because you’re not fooling anybody

They said
Don’t shave your head
Boys can
You can’t and don’t
And won’t because we’ll suspend you

They said
Watch the length of your skirt
The colour of your hair
The shoes and makeup
The piercings
And they call that fair

They said
Come to us if something is wrong
if you’re feeling bullied
if you feel unsafe
I guess they don’t remember asking my friend and I
if we heard of anyone in our year with suicidal tendencies
They asked us because
We were the sensible ones
The bright ones
We couldn't have been depressed.
I guess they didn’t see my panic
and my hand squeezing my wrist.


Because school
Is not a place
Where you can express who you are
School is not the place where you feel safe
It's a battle ground on the outside of your comfort zone.

School isn’t about education
Its a challenge, competition
Its a measurement of your capabilities  

But what if you don't excel?
You’re called out for not being good enough
You're humiliated. Mocked.

You get looked down on
Judged
Embarrassed
And you don’t get your
Degree

As if a degree explains who you are
What you’ve been through
How much you’re worth

As if a degree
Measures the capacity
Of your heart
And your knowledge

And a teacher can share your grade
Make a joke and smirk
Cause they think you’re not worth it

And they can laugh and yell and call your parents
Who don’t think you’re any better.

Because year after year they’ve been led to believe
that you’re easily distracted
that you don’t do what you’re told
that you’re rebellious

Because even if you showed respect to the hypocrisy
That you can't help but notice,
They still won’t understand that you're just fighting
for what you believe is right, for mutual respect.

Because that’s not what you were thought.
You were thought to raise your hand when you want to speak.
And even if you made a valid point
You would still get lectured on putting your hand up when you want to speak.
Discipline put first.

**And that is my definition of school

I reach out my hand and grasp at the air.
My eyes well with tears, how can this be fair?
Surrounded by these people, but cursed to feel alone.
Forced to wander my mind, without a place to call home.
The tears, now a steady stream down my cheeks.
I hide my face and I begin to silently weep.
The people who care asking if I am okay.
Then they assume that I am, they resume with their day.
When I try and I try, never leaving them alone.
All I hear when I need help, is the blank dial tone.
I drop to my knees, finally giving up all thought.
I decide this is where I should be, left to rot.
I wish I could show myself, they really want to help.
But i can't seem to let them, I force myself into hell.
I lie here alone, alone with just my mind.
I wait to be consumed by it, it's just a matter of time.
I close my eyes, hearing the pleas of those I let down.
And I lie in my coffin, as I'm lowered six feet into the ground.